Giving Tree

I am not sure when it had started, but as long as I can remember, my family took names from the giving tree at the store.  All I know is that I asked my mom what the tree was and I could not fathom that there were children who did not get presents for Christmas.  I know I asked my mom if I could pick a name and when she told me we could not afford to buy extra presents I offered to give a girl my age one of my presents.  So that is what we did every year, my brothers and I would give up a present to a child around our same age.

When I started making my own money I started picking a name and buying gifts for the kids on the tree. On good years I could pick two names and working at King Soopers I could just pick a name from the store tree after I got off work one night.

A few years ago before I had kids of my own I was able to pick two names.  I picked a 14-year-old girl and a 5-year-old boy.  I bought the boy some play-doh, toy cars and package the included a small football, basketball and soccer ball. I remember like every other time I brought the gifts to store how wonderful I felt.

Some time between when I had turned the gifts in and Christmas I was waiting for my bus stop outside of my work.  (Any more I can't remember where I was headed, school probably.) As I walked up to the bus stop I saw it... MY wrapping paper... in the shape of the gift I had wrapped! A 5-year-old boy was at the bus stop with his mom and grandma.  

"Can I open it now... please?" he asked his mom.  

"Yes, yes!" I was screaming in my head.

"Ok you can open the small package on top" she finally said.

"CARS! My favorite!" he said.  Eventually while waiting for the bus she let him open the whole gift.  "Thanks whoever got this for me" he said.

"You're welcome!" I said in my head.  I can't believe I got to see him open it. I was so close to crying.         

November Photos of Toad 11/1 - 11/16

Krystle Kraft

      Today I attended the funeral for my dear friend Krystle.  I can not claim that Krystle was my best friend or even a close friend.  However I can tell you that Krystle was my friend and she was a good friend.  She would be there for anyone and everyone who needed her.  She cared about everyone and I don't think I ever saw her not smiling.  

      I went to school with Krystle and I have not seen her since high school.  I once I was introduced to social media, I looked for her all the time.  Many friends I reconnected online would also ask me if I found her.  I could not.  Krystle had an infectious laugh and smile and I thought about her a lot.  This shows how great of a person she was... we all thought of her frequently.  I did not know much about her adult life and since her passing I found out she has children, I'm sure she was a great mother.  

     Since I heard about the loss of a beautiful woman like Krys I have been in shock.  I went to the funeral to support those whom were even closer to her.  Parts of me did not want to believe I was there to remember her life.  I wanted to go to the church and for her to be there, like some sort of high school reunion.  But once there it became real, many people I had not seen in years... and only memories of Krystle.

    I still held myself together through songs and words.... then the microphone was sent into sea of those there to say how much they loved her.  First words from her best friend.  Then my heart stopped when I saw her 8-year-old son raise his hand for his turn to talk... " I am Krystal's kid.  She was a good person.  The last time I saw her and got to see her smile - she was taking me out for pizza - it was the last time I saw her - I am going to miss her so much"  and that trailed into uncontrollable sobs... not just from her son, but from everyone.


Life is precious and unpredictable.  Krystal was brutally taken from her family too soon. Remember to tell those you love you love them.  I hope Krystle knows how much people loved her and thought about her. 

  

My thoughts!

I never used to really think about my first impressions and how I come across to people.  In fact I will admit that I just assumed every one just liked me.  It was a hard lesson to learn that some people just don't like me... for their own reasons... but as a 30-year-old adult I have come with terms that so people just won't and that is ok... I probably don't like them either :).

Even thought I believe what I have stated above, in my 20's I also learned that peoples first impressions of me were the opposite of what I always thought I was.  For example a group of girls I had worked with at King Soopers told me one day that when I had started at their store (my 4th store) they thought I was probably a stuck-up bitch and surprised that I was one of the nicest people the have worked with.  I was very very puzzled.  Why did I come across that way?  Was it because I had the confidence of working for the company several years already?  The part of me that does not open up to those I do not know yet?  The fact that I don't just walk around smiling... I mean really who does that anyway?  Strangely these girls were not the only people to say something similar... something like I was not who they thought I would be.

I learned that was ok too.  I made changes to make sure if I could help it, make sure my first impression was what I wanted them to think of me. 

Even though I have grown a lot in this area, I still get annoyed when people just assume things about me, my family, or my life.  I'm talking about people I have known for a long time and not just first impressions of people I just met.

For example; Andrew and I bought a new house.  The house is in a nice neighborhood with some moderate to pricey homes.  We went from a low income apartment to our new home and I think many people had some assumptions about how we could make such a move... no we are not rich.  I don't feel I need to get into my financial situation because seriously it is not your business.

I will say this:  Besides mortgage loans I do not have any debt.  I do not own a credit card.  My car is paid off.  I don't have an iPhone or a smart phone of any kind.  I can not even use the internet on my phone.  I own 2 pairs of jeans and not as many clothing items or shoes as other people.  I go grocery shopping... I used to use coupons but realized I was buying crap... but I still try not to over spend.  Yes we went to Disneyland... that is what happens when you save money.  Ok sure I don't have a job... I am mooching of my husbands disability benefits.... until I can get a job.  All those teaching jobs that were supposed to be around when I got out of school are no where.  Andrew and I are both good with our money and we can get by... I am not saying we are 'poor' either.  We just know how to spend and save.


Now sorry if I seem like I have gotten off topic, but my point was that people assume things about people based on what they see.  And unless you know all the details of what I just shared with you... you still don't know the fact... so quit assuming... and not just about me either.


Off my soapbox now!

I think I am on to something!

In most ways Miles has always been my easier child, but he is definitely my harder child when it comes to figuring out what he needs.  I am not just speaking of the fact that he does not talk much.  The things that work to sooth him are ALWAYS changing, or the things he will or will not eat or do or play with.  I am sure other children are just like Miles and I am not complaining... but Avery will tell you exactly what he wants and needs and makes it obvious and easier for me to work with.

When Miles was little it was easy to get him to sleep and lately he has been having a hard time with it.  I think Miles himself could not think of what 'thing' could help him sooth himself to sleep.  Neither of my children want to sleep in their own rooms or beds right now and both sleep on the couch.  I decided I needed to start a better bedtime routine and I needed to do it soon.   

Monday I started letting Miles fall asleep on the couch next to me while watching T.V.  At Target I found a tiger stuffed animal that looks like Hobbs from Calvin and Hobbs... therefore naming the tiger Hobbs.  I kept giving Miles Hobbs to cuddle with, putting his arms around Hobbs every time Miles let go.  Eventually Miles was asleep.  Tuesday and Wednesday the same and it got easier. I figured that I would just get him used to falling asleep with Hobbs and then start working on falling asleep in his bed because he would have Hobbs to help him.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I left him on the couch when I went to bed.  Last night I decided to take Miles and Hobbs to Miles' room after he had fallen asleep.  He stayed asleep until 2:30am when he woke up because he needed a new diaper.  The interesting thing was he woke up and stayed in his room!  The only reason I knew he was up was because I heard him crying.  I went in changed his diaper, put Hobbs into his arms, covered him with his blanket and walked away.  He went back to sleep!  He was up again at 3:30 am.  This time no wet diaper; again he was in his room crying.  I gave him Hobbs, told him Hobbs was with him and I stood there for a minute and left again.  

 One more wake at 5:30.  This time he was in the hall way.  I was tired and decided that I would try to take him to my bed or the couch.  I picked him up and he gave me a big hug. When I started walking away from his room he gave me a little whine so I turned around and walked to his room.  I put him in bed, gave him Hobbs, but I knew he was too awake for me to walk away so I got in his bed and he hugged Hobbs and we fell asleep until Avery woke us up 2 hours later.  

Sorry to complain

If you don't want to read my whining then turn away now!!!!! 

First I will start off with no complaint but I will warn it it will lead into ranting!!! 

Miles has grown so much in the last 6 months.  I took note because he just turned 3 1/2 yesterday.  He has said more words and singed more words and even signed "fruit-snacks please."  He is more social, he wants to play with other kids and yet he is not sure how to join them still.  Lately I have been able to let him play further away from me on the playground.  I am sure I looked like one of those annoying 'helicopter' parents that never let the kid do anything for themselves... but if I didn't do that he would be gone; the boy can run fast... and he is quiet.  If you did not want to sprint you had to stay as close as you could.  Now he might go farther away but will turn around and come back.

One of the newest things I have noticed is how Miles plays with toys.  If you watch him closely you can see the back and forth conversation going on in his head between two objects.  To an outsider he might look funny since he is playing quietly as opposed to Avery having a strange conversation with himself: "It's time to go into the deep,  that is absurd"  Avery says to himself while playing with two things.  If you think about it Avery's behavior is strange, but it is age appropriate.

Watching Miles makes me wonder about what the therapists he was seeing from age 2-3  would say now.  Since Miles is non-verbal it seems like anything he did or did not do was labeled a red flag for Autism.  If I say Avery did the same thing at that age that didn't seem to matter... because Avery could talk after age 2.  One person said they did not think Miles showed enough emotions and tantrums were age appropriate ... and that was a flag.  Another working with him at the same time said that his tantrums when not wanting to do her tasks... was a flag.  They seemed to be focused on things like the fact that he used his hands instead of utensils and could not dress himself instead of what mattered.  And guess what... he CAN do BOTH now almost all by himself.


CHANGE OF SUBJECT:

I should not care what people think of me, and most the time I really don't.  However sometimes I get upset when I am confused about what people think or if I think their reason for not liking me or talking about me is for superficial reasons.  Right now I am not always happy with my own body image and being overweight.  But I still tell myself that I love me and we are working on that part.  I go to the gym at the rec center 2 times a week and my family goes on 30-60 minute walks almost every day.  At the rec-center--- that is the problem.  I get sick of these super skinny, 'I don't want to get my hair and make up wet in the SWIMMING POOL", teenagers.  I am getting healthy and all they can do is comment on how fat I am.  I am not even making it up on occasion I have heard them talk about me... when I am right there.  Most the time it is before or after we take the kids swimming and I am in the locker room with Miles.  I'm sorry but I hope they get twice as fat and have an even harder time loosing weight after they have kids.  I love my children and my extra weight is worth it for them.


ONE MORE... even though I could go on forever.

Learn how to drive people.... I go the speed limit.... deal with it and GET OFF YOUR DAMN PHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Book review

I read the book Late-Talking Children by Thomas Sowell.

My intention was to read another book by Thomas Sowell that the library did not have.  Sowell wrote a book based on a group of people he conversed with through emails, letters and such who all had late-talking children.  These families contacted Sowell after he wrote articles in the paper about his own son John.

The book starts with John's story and other adults who were once mysterious late-talkers.  The book proceeds with the stories of the families who contacted Sowell with their stories and what he knew about them based on letters and parent surveys.  Many of the stories are fascinating.  The book was written in 1997 and I was amazed at all the different parents saying their child was diagnosed with Autism by the school and professionals said "NO WAY!"  I was not aware that the quickness to label children Autistic was going on at this time.

Many of the children reminded me of Avery.  The children had excellent memory, quickness with numbers and letters, went from saying nothing to say full sentences and late to potty train because they just didn't care if they did or not.  The only difference was that compared to these children in the book Avery talking right at age 2 does not make him a late talker.  Most the children in this book did not talk much or at all until they were 4.

Sowell then addresses the similarities between families of late talkers.  This section actually made me feel that if my children were not late-talkers then they would be 'abnormal'.  What I mean by this is Sowell noted the occupations of parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles.  There was always at least one and more likely more than one family member in either, engineering, accounting, science, mathematics, computers or music.
   
                            So my kids have:  Father- science, music, Grandfather - computers, Grandmother - accounting, Uncle - computers, music, Grandfather- architect (I would lump that with engineering), Mother- music, and I would also have to include Grandmother- art
 * music was described as plays an instrument - musical profession

My only problem with this book is that Sowell continues the book with a story of a boy who really is Autistic and gifted.  However, even though the story is wonderful it gave little insight as to why this boy was really Autistic compared to the other children who sounded like they could be and weren't.

Many other reviews of the book on goodreads said they were not impressed since the book only covers children with very high IQ.  That may be true but I found that some of the children were thought not to have high IQ until they could talk... 

First Day of School!

Today both my boys started school.  Strangely my 3-year-old was the returning student and my 4 1/2-year-old was brand new.

I think Miles heard me say to Avery that they were going to school today.  Miles became restless and crabby, however he successfully got the right shoe on the right foot all by himself.  Of course he had not pants on and the shirt he had on last night when he went to bed.  Any way he made the morning difficult because all he wanted to do was go to school... oh and eat cookies I made last night.

Avery's class includes lunch... and Miles' class does not.  So this week we are trying this out.  Avery's class starts at 12:00 for lunch and Miles' class starts at 12:30.  So far we decided that it wont work so we might say we are feeding Avery at home and do so bringing him in closer to 12:30.  He teacher said we could do that and I should have said that is what we were going to do.

Right now the boys are not going to our neighborhood school for preschool.  Miles is in a special communication and behavioral class.  There was an opening in the other preschool class at the same school at the same time for Avery.

To get into Kindergarten a child has to be 5 by October 1... and since Avery's birthday is October 18 he did not make the Kindergarten cut.  I have been told multiple times by multiple people that since Avery is a boy it is good that he will be one of the older kids.  I figure they are probably right and if Avery should have been in Kindergarten than he may someday skip a grade or be in the gifted and talented class(es)... but what do I know.

Miles was so happy to be at school.  He kept giving me the "get out of here Mom" looks.  Avery was also very excited for his first day.  We played with Miles on the playground after Avery was settled.  Miles was more than ready and got bored with the playground.  When it was closer to time to go in more kids had arrived and there was one little boy that was upset and crying.  Miles got a little upset because the boy was crying, however as soon as the door to the class was open Miles was all smiles and also the other little boy had stopped crying.

When we went to pick up the boys Andrew picked up Avery and I picked up Miles.  Miles looked sleepy but happy and they said he had a good day.  When I had walked in the room a sweet little girl that has Downs Syndrome grabbed my hand, she was ready to go home and knew she needed someones hand.  After I grabbed Miles' backpack she grabbed my hand again so I had to let go of Miles hand to readjust the bag and then the little girl also had let go and she grabbed Miles' hand.  He seemed a little shocked but did not pull away.  Then he walked around her to look at her face and gave her a "Miles hug".  Sometimes Miles gives big hugs and sometimes he has this funny one arm hug that I call a Miles hug.  It was so sweet.

Avery told us he learned about germs and washing hands.  He read a book with the teacher, he had to color before he got to eat apples for snack and they got to play outside.  "We went outside, and guess what? Miles was outside too!" he said.   He also said he is ready to go back for the next day!  Then I realized after Avery's bath he had picked out LEGO underwear in the morning, a LEGO shirt and had his LEGO shoes. :)

my annoying trip to the ER with a non-verbal child

For the last couple day Miles has not really been feeling well.  So of course to go with it is the lack of sleep, well because he has a runny/stuff nose... we all know how that makes it hard to sleep. 

He is also uncomfortable and being in the house makes him upset since he is uncomfortable.  We have needing to take him out in the car to put him to sleep for the night, and giving into the drive because we assume he will not need to go after his cold passes.

Then yesterday he started becoming 'impossible'.  I mean he had turned into a tiny monster... he did not want to be at home and he would start screaming and nothing made him happy... but to leave the house.  We went to the school playground, he went to the gas station with Grandma, then the gas station with me and then we drove from Loveland to Greeley and later we were driving from Loveland to Fort Collins and he fell asleep.

Miles was out cold at 9:00 pm.  I got Avery to bed at 10:00 and then got ready for bed myself.  12:00 am Miles was up and screaming again.

Ok to back track Miles sometimes has a problem constipation.  Even though he has not been wanting to eat much I gave him Pedia-lax since he had not be regular... but I did not think that was the problem. 

The other thing he was doing yesterday was not wanting to sit on the potty or in his booster seat at the table.  He was also pulling at his penis and crying so when he was up so early I decided it could be a UTI and took him to the ER.

Of course when we first got to the ER he had quit screaming so I had to tell them he had been screaming but is not now and that he is 'non-verbal' so he can't tell me what is wrong.

Non-verbal.... of course this sparks all types of questions. "Can he say anything?"  "Can he hear?"  "Is he Autistic?" (you mean is he a child with Autism?) By then he already wanted to leave the ER so he was screaming like he was at home. so then this sparks more Autism questions. "Is he like this a lot?"  "Does he act like this frequently?"  

I wanted say "No you fricken idiots!  Why the hell do you think I brought him here for?" 

Next I get asked by the doctor what I think is wrong.  So I tell him all that had been going on.  I tell the doc that I think my little guy has to pee but wont, that perhaps it hurts... maybe a UTI (?)  I also mention that he had been pulling at his penis a lot like it had been bothering him... and the response I got was "All little boys play with their penis"  um yeah duh but they usually don't cry about it!

So I get asked if he can pee in a cup. Ha ha ha, yeah right!  So unfortunately I tortured my poor son with a catheter because the urine test came back fine.  

Miles is also very strong and it took a lot of nurses to hold him down.  Things were not going well.  He did not want to take Motrin or Tylenol, they tried to do an ultra sound of his testicles, but he was not having any of that either.  The doctor checked his ears and everything else and Miles was fine.  The doctor kept checking his penis and said it looked ok too.  Then one final time he saw some red irritation that could be from swimming or from the pull-up diapers I have been putting him in.  

After 3 hours in the ER the doc brought up the possibility of twisted testicles but would have to sedate Miles to look at him.  I had enough at the point and so did Miles.  He hilariously kept trying to push and pull me out the door and bring me his shoes.  I just said I will go home and put ointment on him and see how that goes.

The ride home did not get Miles to sleep.  We were at home 4: something in the morning and until he finally peed on the floor he would not sleep once he peed on the floor he was out.. well until 7.

 So he is still cranky and wants to leave the house.   

one from caringbridge

Day 74 - Shawna Entry (June 24, 2010)

They say that laughter is the best medicine, so Ryan needs to visit Andy more often.

Today Andy had some new visitors, his friends Ryan, Aaron and Nick.  I started talking to Ryan about him buying a new house to which Ryan responded "I have grown up 10 years in 2."  Then I looked over at Andy and he was laughing, he found what Ryan said to be funny.  In fact Ryan made him laugh a lot. This was the first time any of us have seen him laugh since before the accident. I think he was glad that his good friends had come to visit. 

Andy's response to things such as questions and commands have had some delay.  Today that delay did not seem to be as long.  He answered a question that Ryan asked and some of my questions with a head nod for yes.  I think his communication was great today for not producing any speech.  I think I was able to help him get his needs met today by asking the right yes/no questions.  If I was totally off I apologize to him :) 

While Andrew was in the hospital we had a site called caring-bridge that we used to kept everyone up to date.  <http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/andrewshearer/journal>   

I quit updating it in May 2011.   No one has removed it yet.  I forget about little moments like these and how things were up and down.  The journal documents how differently family dealt with the stress of this accident.  The entries were updated my myself, Andrew's mother, and father.  

Here is one more that was my favorite entry I wrote:

Written Jun 21, 2010 7:44am

Shawna Entry:

Human beings are complex creatures.We have our own ways of dealing with love, pain, fear, worry, joy, excitement, change and what is not normal to us. Who really knows why emotion and emotional reaction can be so different from person to person.

I think the hardest thing right now for everyone is that we are in the unknown.  We don't know what is going to happen today or the next day and there are no definite answers.  When talking to Andrew's nurse last night, I think she said it best: the brain is unique to each individual, it is not like a broken bone where you are told 'it will heal in 6 weeks, then rehab will take this long and it will be almost as good as new.'

Even right now the doctors have little answers and in their round-about-way eventually are telling you they do not know.  It pushes on the paticence of the family of the loved one who wants you to hurry up and be better.

Right now I am trying to embrace this unknown and not give up my hope and faith that Andrew will recover 97-110% (This is the part where in my mind he wakes up when I tell him this and argues me that there is NO WAY he could be anything over 100%). We were told it could take one week or even a month before he might wake up and that it is all up to him.

To help us stay strong we must remember that Andrew is 30-years-old (even though he is older than me I am told this is young *insert humor here*).  He has two bachelors degrees that he got within 6 years. This not only shows that he is a smart man, but a man who works hard to get what he wants.  We have been together for 10 years and married for 7 (next week) and he has had the same job for 5 years.  This shows his dedication through ups and downs. These are all things on his side for a good recovery.

It may be in my nature and my way of dealing to be an extreme optimistic, but I feel good about what is to come no matter how long it takes. Taking it in day by day and that is what we have every day and look at how many days we have had.

Continue with your prayers, good thoughts and good energy because I can feel it, and my family needs it to stay strong.

Love Shawna

I also wanted to add (at 10:18 am) that his nurse had also reminded me that he had come to the hospital awake and responsive; able to follow commands. She said he also has that on his side.

Peoples rude comments about parenting (an inspired blog)

I just got done reading a blog post  by one of my friends... this friend tells a story about a time she goes to dinner with family and a woman so rudely decides to indirectly complain out loud about the problem she had with my friend's childrens' behavior.  Comments such as "I am glad my kids don't act like that."

As a parent I also have encountered such behavior from people.  Most of the time it appears the people who have issues with my children don't have children themselves so they are easier to blow off.  However it can sting either way especially if you are having a rough day and their comments seem to confirm your thoughts that you are an "awful parent." 


My problems with peoples rude looks and comments started when Avery was 3.  At that age Avery started throwing tantrums and not listening.  For one I was caught off guard because problems like this were rare before he was 3.  Also at the time Andrew was also in the hospital still... could have been part of the reason he was acting up.  When I was out with him most the time he still behaved.... he would not be throwing tantrums for the candy bar at the store or anything like that.  But at times he would have a meltdown and I am not even sure I remember what for... but it would play out like a normal 3-year-old's tantrum and it would get Miles (who was 1 1/2) crying and me stressed out on top of already being stressed.  Sometimes it took everything I had not to start crying too.

The biggest problem was that Avery is big for his age. Since he was 3 he has been in the 90th - 95th %ile for wight and weight.  I will never forget one time I was at the playground and Avery started having a normal 3-year-old tantrum and I was having a hard time juggling his tantrum and Miles wanting to get down to play. I overhear a woman saying to her friend "Oh man if my 5-year-old acted that way...."  Her comment gave me enough adrenaline to pick up Avery and Miles both and rush them to the car.... as I passed her I said "He is 3, so shut up!"

I was finding my self telling people he was 3 from that point on... I was tired of the looks. Especially the "Look at the 5-year-old in diapers!" look.  I started getting used to the fact they thought I was letting my kid 'act younger' when he was really age appropriate.  

I think he was getting me ready for the looks I get now from people for Miles.  The don't bug me as much as they could.  I mean now my life is a bit less stressful too.  As I have posted before Miles does not talk... sometimes he can be loud though when excited and he starts jumping... I think with Miles though people are not sure... they judge and most people just assume and say nothing but I still see the looks.

I have just decided people have no idea how my day as gone... how I have had a hard day with the kids or a good day until just that moment... they don't know.  Sometimes it is not easy but I try to brush it off.

Oh and P.S. to the people in the ladies locker-room at the rec center... my son is 3.... so get over the fact that he is in the locker room with me.  He is well behaved and not messing with you.

Andrew's recovery Pt 11

I am not sure had mentioned the damage Andrew had to his hand.  While recovering we learned that Andrew had nerve damage to both of his arms.  Either the damage was from the accident, the fact that his arms were not use for a while, the excess muscle tone caused by the stroke, or all of the above.

Andrew's left hand could not close or make a fist.  On Andrew's right hand he could not extend his ring or pinky finger and his right hand also had a lot of muscle atrophy. While in the hospital his occupational therapists would try to stretch them out and push them in and not much seemed to be helping.  The thought was possible nerve damage causing the hand problems.

In March 2011, I drove Andrew to Denver for a nerve test.  Things did not look good at the point.  There was severe nerve damage in his right arm.  It was recommended that Andrew get an appointment for a clinic that specialized in diagnosing and getting people in for nerve surgery.  It was complicated to get Andrew in.  In fact he could not get an appointment or into the clinic until September 2011.  

It turns out it was more than fine that he did not get into the clinic until then.  The doctors looked at him and said "you don't seem to have a problem, come back in for another test."  So he did and there was a 45% improvement in the nerves in his arms.  We were so relieved that he did not need surgery.  Since he had improved 45% in 6 months the predicted he would improve even more and unless his arms start giving him problems they did not need to see him.  

Now Andrew's hand look more like they used to.  The muscle is not as atrophied in the right hand and both hands can function normally. Andrew worked really hard stretching and 'smashing' his hands to get them that way. 

I also thought I had pictures to go along with my description of Andrew's hands.  I took them for our lawyers and I probably deleted the pictures after I sent them out.  Since he was living it I probably did not want to have pictures of it too.  I may still have them somewhere... but maybe not.

Part 10 of Andrew's Recovery

Seriously I have not been trying to neglect the rest of Andrew's story.

In March of 2011 Andrew got to leave the hospital setting.  We moved to Loveland Colorado to be closer to family.  We had been think about a possible move back to the area sometime anyway so why not right then.

It was definitely a change for everyone.  For Avery the change was mostly the positive of having his dad back home although I am not sure he understood the move into the apartment.  Miles had a rougher time.  He turned 2 that month and did not like being in the apartment. Also a lot of my attention was spent on Andrew... my change.  For Andrew the change was not having the nurses there to do everything for him.

Andrew could get a long fine with his 4-wheeled walker around the apartment and he could take his own shower using a tub transfer bench.  I had to help him get into the shower and back out of the shower.  It was still hard for Andrew to bend over far enough to tie his shoes and a stiff right big toe made it hard to put his shoe on.  He also had a topical medication for arthritis in his right ankle that he need my help to apply.

Strength in his hands was still weak.  The left hand could not make a fist and the ring and pinky finger on the right hand could not open or extend.  It was hard for Andrew to do tasks like clipping his finger nails.  Andrew could dress himself but it could take at least 20 minutes to get dressed and I would still have to help with his shoes.

The down fall of moving to Loveland was having to drive to Denver for all of the doctor appointment.  Since Andrew worked for the University of Colorado Denver his insurance was specific to doctors and hospitals in Denver.  It took a lot of time for a few months.

In May of 2011, a little over a year after the accident, Andrew had to have surgery to help his mobility.  Since Andrew also had a brain injury as a result from the accident, his injured brain overgrew bone in his left hip and knee where he had breaks.   The over growth is similar to bone spurs and since it was growing near joints it hindered movement, even with help from physical therapy.  We were told that this condition is more common in males who have had large breaks and brain injury from trauma.  This condition is also common for some people who have hip replacements. 

Also during this time we were right in the middle of a legal battle with the insurance company of the other driver involved in the accident.    We were busy trying to get things ready with out lawyers for a possible court date in October.  It took a lot of work to get ready for a possible court date.


We tried to get out of the house as much as possible with the kids, going to parks and things.  I had a routine down for getting everyone in the car.  Andrew had his wheeled walker and would walk to the passenger side and sit in the seat and wait for the next steps...  before and for 8 weeks after surgery I would have to help get his legs in the car.  Then I would get Miles strapped in and then Avery and then Andrew's legs and then the walker in the trunk.

Getting out:  Get Andrew's walker, bring it around to him, get Miles out and then Avery out.... yeah I don't miss that. 

My sweet little Miles

Usually we go to our local recreation center twice a week (Tuesday and Thursday) and this busy week we could only go one time and we changed it to Wednesday (last night.).  We drop the kids off at in childcare to work out and then pick them up again to go swimming.  

Last night since we went on Wednesday the childcare person was someone we had not seen in a long time. She explained she only works one night a week and she was happy to see the boys and could not get over how big Miles has gotten.

When we got back to pick up the kids the woman stopped me and asked what we do for Miles, how we communicate to him? "We talk to him" I said... oh no here we go!!!  

"Does he understand you?" she asks, "I mean I couldn't tell if he understands."

"Yes he does.... (and I gave example of how I know he does.)"  

"Does he say anything?"  

"Yes, but either very quiet or not understandable, or just sometimes."

"Does he tell you when he needs to go to the bathroom?" 

(Huh?) "Well he has been working on it" (he must have had his hands in his pants... little boys!)

"Have they said it anything.... like have they tested him for... (here it comes)... Autism?"

"It has been suggested, but no I have not gotten him tested."

"Oh ok, well he is the sweetest little guy"

"Yes he is." (can I go now?)

**sigh***

Ok so sure,  I sometimes wonder why my sweet little guy can not or chooses not to talk.  His communication skills in the non-verbal aspect have improved a lot and tantrums due to lack of communication are few.  Not to be confused with the fact he has normal 3-year-old tantrums.  

And I am not saying he does not have Autism... I don't really know... and I am not in denial but I don't think he does.  I am also not saying he does not have a communication disorder... I mean I learned about these types of things in my college studies... I am not claiming to be an expert on them either.  I am just saying that people often ignore all the other possibilities and go straight to Autism.  They also ignore the fact that Miles had gone through a lot of family trauma when his dad was in the hospital, I brought that up to his therapists many times and felt they just blew that off.


I, like many others want to know why Miles does not talk, and I understand the importance of labeling disorders so that people can get the proper care.  I understand that Autism is a spectrum disorder and therefore more people fit under the diagnosis... but that is it many people do.   

One of the most frustrating things when Miles was in therapy was they did not see what I saw... I guess sometimes my blind eye as a mother was not seeing what they saw either.  But when I would tell them about progress they would give me looks like they did not believe Miles could do those things based on what they thought he diagnosis should be.

So the main thing is Miles does not talk and has a delay in non-verbal communication, meaning it is there but not as skilled.

The next thing they are concerned about is the fact that he mouths toys that are kind of rubbery.  Uh... as I type Avery is chewing on Miles' chewy tube ( a thing kids can chew on made of rubber) and I liked to chew on my Barbies' hands and My Little Ponies' feet until I quit playing with them.  And he does not mouth all or even most toys anymore. I see it as neural stimulation.  Miles still has a few other sensory needs but all of them he can meet on his own and are a quick such as jumping up and down.

I still think his limited interaction with peers is because he can't ask them to play, or how things work, ect.  He plays with Avery and Avery can be rough, so I think he also is unsure about how kids he does not know will be towards him.  I was impressed the other day when we met some friends at a park.  We met up so Avery could play with his friend Colin and when they arrived I said "Avery, there is Colin" and Miles was running over to where Colin was with a big smile on his face!  Then when Miles was swinging and Colin's little brother Will was also swinging Miles was trying to interact with Will too, smiling and getting excited.  

He is a little mystery, but he so sweet.  I am sure when he starts talking the cutest and most interesting things will come out of his mouth.



 

Disney Vacation

Day One Travel Day - 

From Loveland to D.I.A was a smooth drive.  Found a place to park the car in the garage and off to check in baggage.  Next off to security check point.  We were a little unsure about how this would go.  Since Andrew has a medical pump inserted into his abdomen he has a card he has to give security stating that he has the device and the detectors will go off.  It was not too bad, they pulled him aside and patted him down thoroughly and he was free to go.  

We had enough time to get bottled water for the plane and get to our terminal before boarding.  People waiting to get on the plane were congregated into a blob and even though people boarding with small children were called to get on we could not get through the blob.  Miles started crying because he was hungry and thirsty.  He kept trying to bother a pretty blonde lady for her snack she had in her hands.  

Seated I got out the kids snacks and water.  The ate them quickly almost before we took off. Miles looked a little worried and started using the sign for 'Daddy'.  Once I assured him that Daddy was in the seat in front of me he started nodding off to dream land.  As soon as I was able to I gave Avery his Leapster Explorer (game system) and he was set.  Miles woke up about 20 minutes before we landed. 

We found our luggage and finally found our shuttle to the hotel.  I was so excited that the shuttle had a picture of my favorite Disney movie growing up.... The Little Mermaid.  Avery fell asleep on the bus but we had 30 minutes before we got to the hotel.  

Once at the hotel we got settled and had a visit from my best friend Carley who moved to the area a few months ago.  We treated Carley to dinner and then we went swimming at the hotel.  Then we found the terrace where you could see the park lit up at night and the kids loved it.  Miles was so mad when we said it was time to go back in.

DAY 2- 
Our hotel was the Disney Grand Californian.  We had a special entrance in to the Disney Adventure Park and got to go into the park 1 hour before the park opened to the general public.  We got out to the park about 30 minutes before opening.  We got lost trying to find Cars Land... but when we got there Mater and Lighting McQueen were waiting.  Miles was the most excited. He loves Mater.

 Cars Land is amazing! It looks just like you are in the movie.  We looked in the shops and rode Mater's Dancing Tractors.  Avery said they were too fast but everyone else loved it.  We also ordered breakfast at Flo's V8 Cafe and ate it in Doc's Office. We were ready to check out the Radiator Springs Racers.  At home I measured Miles right at 40" tall, just tall enough to ride.  At the ride they said he was almost there but not close enough.  I should have brought his Lightning McQueen shoes but they still might not have made a difference.  They were pretty strict about the height requirement.

Next stop was A Bug's Land, based off of the movie A Bug's Life.  First ride was some bumper cars.  Avery got to drive the car and it was not too fast, he loved them. We also rode Hemlich's Chew Chew train.  This ride was neat because as you passed the food the caterpillar "Hemlich" ate it also smelled like that food, the watermelon even dripped on you! We also rode the ride Flicks Flyers.  The ride was shaped like boxes or raisins and Chinese take-out.  The boys LOVED a little water park that was also in A Bug's Land.

We caught a puppet show in Hollywood Land called Disney Jr. Live.  The show included Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Handy Manny, Little Eisensteins, and Jake and the Neverland Pirates.  It was nice that we got to see that because those are shows the kids watch. We also got to see some of a parade with Monster's Inc. and Nemo. We Finished the day with swimming.  

 Day 3-

We started out our morning getting up early and going to Cars Land again.  This time we got in line at Luigi's Flying Tires.  Then we had popcone (popcorn) at the Cozy Cone Hotel.  The popcone I got was dill pickle flavor... it was pretty good.  We tried once more to get Miles on to the Radiator Springs Racers with us.  They still said no but I told Andy and Avery they could go on the ride without us.  Then they gave us a fast pass so that I could get on the ride when they came back and I did not have to wait in the big line.  Miles and I went to A Bug's Land again and rode a ladybug ride and he played at the water park again.

After the AJs were done on the Radiator Springs Racers ride they met up with us.  We got frozen apple juice and went back to the hotel.  Andrew and Miles watched Mater's Tall Tales and Avery and I went back to the Racers.  

 Next stop was Disneyland.  We went to Sleeping Beauty's Castle, and then Pinocchio's Adventure.  After waiting 30 minutes in the ride for Flying Dumbo we learned that people with physical handicaps can go to the exit and be let in like a fast pass.  We rode Casey Jr Train in the monkey cage ;).  

We finished up with a really neat a neat Toy Story ride, Nemo ride and Autopia.  The Toy Story ride was based off of the video game that Rex plays in Toy Story 2, the Nemo ride made it look like you were underwater in a submarine.  

We took the monorail to Downtown Disney to eat at Rainforest Cafe.  There was a wait so we walked to the Lego Store were the kids could play.  Miles was tired and did not care for the Rainforest Cafe.  He cried and screamed.  We don't know if it was scary or if he was just tired.

Day 4 - Was trip home on the plane. This time at the airport Andrew went though one of those full body scanners.  I bet that looked interesting.


I was so proud of Andrew for walking everywhere during this trip.  I was proud of Miles for also walking everywhere on this trip.  I was proud of Avery for not getting lost and listening at least half the time.