Ups and Downs of Autism

Having a child with autism is not easy, however I would not change Miles.  Sure there are some things I wish he would do and other things I wish he would not do, but that does not mean I would change his having autism.


In the last couple of weeks I have seen so much growth, and not just the fact he has lost his 'baby look'.  He has been listening more and following instructions.  He even cleaned up a game when I told Avery it was time to clean up. He has shown he can be more independent in some situation in public.  He has been attempting to dress himself, eat more with a fork and he starts getting a little mad when he can't do it right.  He has been playing with peers during therapy and attempting to play with Avery more, including initiating play. 


However then there is today, where I get reminded that even through the triumphs there is still so far to go.  I could tell today that he needed to climb; that was his sensory need today.   So we went to a playground were he could climb.  He was doing great on his own going between the rock climbing wall and the play set.  I could see him and was comfortable sitting in the shade and keeping my eye on him.  I used to look like one of those crazy parents following him around so that he was in arms reach..... but he used to run.

At one point I saw him start to walk past the play set.  I got up to start following him.  I don't walk very fast right now and my pregnant self has begun to waddle.  I started to see him walk towards people at some tables and noticed they probably have food.  One thing we still are learning.... we can't just have anyone's food.  I start to call to him to stop since that has been working, but this time no luck.  I see they have bags of chips, but they all look closed so I did not feel I needed to be in a hurry.  I get to the shelter where the tables are and I then see a woman get up and tell Miles to stop.  Nice try lady... but then I see her grab him and manhandle him away from the table (probably because here is this 6-year-old acting like a toddler and not listening) and she is yelling at him. I see he got his had into what was maybe frosting on a giant cookie. 

If she was not manhandling him like she was I probably would have gotten upset with Miles and apologized.  Instead I found myself yelling 'get your hands off him!  He has autism, he doesn't know!'  Now I hate using autism as an excuse, but that is what it was.  The woman looks shocked, lets his go and says "Sorry"  I take Miles by the hand; at this point I am still not sorry that he touched her food.  You don't touch my child like that. (She is lucky he is not a biter).  As I walk away this guy that was at the table with her says "You should be watching him then!."  I turn and say 'Thank you but I was, didn't you see me walking over here to get him?  I didn't know you had something he really wanted over here.'  To that he says "Yeah right, little brat!"  And then I even surprised myself and turned back around and yelled at him 'shut the f*** up'.  Now if you know me I don't drop 'F bombs' and especially not at a playground.

I return to where Andrew was and I start hyperventilating and crying uncontrollably.  We stay at the playground, I am now being stared at.... until Miles is now having a meltdown and we go home.


To end on a good note:  At home Avery is watching Star Wars Episode 6.   Miles is next to me on the couch and I say out loud, " I bet Yoda is not happy with Luke's choice in clothes. Yoda is like ' You should not wear black like your father!' "  and Miles starts cracking up.   He has a good sense of humor.