Dear Avery

Dear Avery, 

I promise 2015 will be a better year.  My number one goal is you.  

I realized from our conversation the other night that I am right on target, I understand now.  You didn't say much but you didn't have to, as your momma I get plenty of practice being a mind reader. 

I have not been happy with your behavior lately, but do you know what I realized?  It's not you that needs to change your behavior, it's me. I had to take a step back and look at the whole picture.  

Avery, you are one of the smartest people I know. You are wise beyond your 7 years.  Everyday you surprise me, however since you are a child of a scientist and a teacher, I should not be surprised at how much you love to learn. Please keep that up, make school easy for yourself.  

I needed to look at all that is going on in your life, you have a lot going on. 

You have always been a great big brother.  You were thrown into that role when you were only 17 months old.  I have been so proud of what a great and helpful big brother you are.  Miles looks up to you and probably loves you more than anyone. I imagine that it is not easy all the time growing up with a brother who is not only different that you, but different from your friends, and different from your friends' siblings. I'm sure it gives you a lot to think about.  I think you often wonder where you fit in, who you relate to.  I'm sure this difference in you life has helped make you kind and understanding. 

Mrs. Carmen said to me the other day that siblings of children with special needs have to think about a lot.  They have to think about how their sibling behaves and how their peers behave and how they need to behave. I have noticed this when I see you take on some of the less desired behavors of your peers.  I have come to understand that right now it is ok and what you need to do.  

Since you were only 2 1/2 when your dad was in his accident you may not remember what he was like before.  You may not remember him without his disabilities. But knowing you, you probably think about that too.

I realized you think we are always mad at you.  So I am going to work on that.  Like I told you, we are not mad.  Maybe upset from time to time.  That perhaps we expect to much from you.  I told you that can happen to the child that is 1st born, and since you are the first born of two first born... well I realize the odds might not be in your favor. I reminded you that even when we are upset, we get over it and aren't upset anymore and we need to tell you that. We give you high expectations, because you are smart enough, we want you to make wise decisions in life, you are a role-model. We want you to help others, like Miles, make them too. 

My goals: make sure to tell you I love you everyday.  Let you be a kid.  Let you cool down before I tell you why I was upset and tell you I'm not upset anymore.  Not pester you when you need your time to think and decompress.  Have more Avery + Momma time.  

I love you Avery James.

Now I think I need to go listen to the song "Dear Avery" by The Decemberists