Saturday, January 24, 2015

A 6-year-old's party

Planning a party for someone turning 6 should not be too hard. I know I am probably thinking too hard about this. 

With Miles' autism he probably would not care if he had a party at all. However it is fair to him to have one. We have gone all out for Avery when it is his birthday and he wants us to do the same for his brother. 

I thought about having something small. I mean really small. I also thought about inviting his whole class. I know there are some kiddos that just adore Miles and would love to be invited. I am also worried that people will feel like they have to come. Or even that no one will come.

Also I wonder if it would be strange if I request no gifts or only books, or balls you can put in a ball pit! 

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Feelings are like children.....

"Feelings are like children. You can't let them drive, but you can't stuff them in the trunk either." - status borrowed from Chris Bischof


I don't know if it is the new year, the weather, hormones, January blues and I need more vitamin D, but I have been an emotional weirdo.  Maybe I am starting to learn how to display human emotion ;)

Thank you for.... well thank you.

I shared a blog post that was not my own via Facebook the other day.  The blog was about being "the invisible family". The writer did not go into deal about her child, but let out some feelings she had about feeling left out. All my emotions (like children you are not supposed to stuff in the trunk) escaped. Based on a few select events that happened months and months ago and a few little select times I have felt left out piled on top jumped out like a cat you are trying to put in a bath tub full of water.

After comments to my share of the blog I for sure realize that I am not alone.  I knew that but when you are being emotional you loose sight and forget.  I also want to thank my neighbor for her kind private message; also reminding me that all people feel left out from time to time. That conversation also started to get me to remember some of the positive invites we received lately.  That we are not always forgotten, that people are trying and will be understanding if the event ended up not in our favor.

 In December the boys were invited to two birthday parties.  One of those I was a little worried about.  We attempted the party because it was just down the street.  If Miles and I needed to leave I could come back and get Avery later.  Miles did GREAT! He didn't really play with the kids, but we didn't have to leave and he was happy.  The second one was Avery's friend Colin's party and Miles is familiar with his house and there is definitely mutual understanding between our families.  But again Miles did GREAT!  Followed by what I will call THE BEST CHRISTMAS MILES HAS EVER HAD!

We were also invited to a wonderful New Year's Eve party at our neighbors house down the street.  Andrew and I made a "Miles Plan" in case things went South.   The party started at 8:00 and we were not sure how Miles, who gets cranky if not sleeping by 9:00pm, would be in a house that is partying.  Miles was happy and on the move until he fell asleep on the couch at 11:00!  He mostly stayed around the kitchen and ate food.  There was a party of the kids downstairs and a party for the adults upstairs.  Miles would float freely between the two.  Andrew and I would take turns peeking checking on him since he has a thing about getting into soap and candles. Miles even took time to stop and laugh at his parents trying to put hit an orange into a circle with only a banana that was hanging from a rope worn around our necks.  It was a fun night and we did not have too much worry.

Also in October I was invited to so many product parties I thought I might have to go to jail for murdering someone. I did go to two of them though.  One I hosted and one that my main gal had.  If I would have gone to all of them I would have had two a week, plus Avery's b-day party and I would be a poor! Not to mention my family would have thought I left them to make a career out of product parties (but spending not making money).

Going back to the quote at the top of this page: I think I stuff too many children in the trunk.  Then I feel bad and to make it up I tell them "I'm sorry to make it up to you I'll let you drive."  I'm sure I'm not the only one.  


Original blog post that I shared on FB about feeling left out: http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/01062015-this-is-how-it-feels-to-be-the-left-out-family/?utm_source=popsugar.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchange_facebook

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Dear Avery

Dear Avery, 

I promise 2015 will be a better year.  My number one goal is you.  

I realized from our conversation the other night that I am right on target, I understand now.  You didn't say much but you didn't have to, as your momma I get plenty of practice being a mind reader. 

I have not been happy with your behavior lately, but do you know what I realized?  It's not you that needs to change your behavior, it's me. I had to take a step back and look at the whole picture.  

Avery, you are one of the smartest people I know. You are wise beyond your 7 years.  Everyday you surprise me, however since you are a child of a scientist and a teacher, I should not be surprised at how much you love to learn. Please keep that up, make school easy for yourself.  

I needed to look at all that is going on in your life, you have a lot going on. 

You have always been a great big brother.  You were thrown into that role when you were only 17 months old.  I have been so proud of what a great and helpful big brother you are.  Miles looks up to you and probably loves you more than anyone. I imagine that it is not easy all the time growing up with a brother who is not only different that you, but different from your friends, and different from your friends' siblings. I'm sure it gives you a lot to think about.  I think you often wonder where you fit in, who you relate to.  I'm sure this difference in you life has helped make you kind and understanding. 

Mrs. Carmen said to me the other day that siblings of children with special needs have to think about a lot.  They have to think about how their sibling behaves and how their peers behave and how they need to behave. I have noticed this when I see you take on some of the less desired behavors of your peers.  I have come to understand that right now it is ok and what you need to do.  

Since you were only 2 1/2 when your dad was in his accident you may not remember what he was like before.  You may not remember him without his disabilities. But knowing you, you probably think about that too.

I realized you think we are always mad at you.  So I am going to work on that.  Like I told you, we are not mad.  Maybe upset from time to time.  That perhaps we expect to much from you.  I told you that can happen to the child that is 1st born, and since you are the first born of two first born... well I realize the odds might not be in your favor. I reminded you that even when we are upset, we get over it and aren't upset anymore and we need to tell you that. We give you high expectations, because you are smart enough, we want you to make wise decisions in life, you are a role-model. We want you to help others, like Miles, make them too. 

My goals: make sure to tell you I love you everyday.  Let you be a kid.  Let you cool down before I tell you why I was upset and tell you I'm not upset anymore.  Not pester you when you need your time to think and decompress.  Have more Avery + Momma time.  

I love you Avery James.

Now I think I need to go listen to the song "Dear Avery" by The Decemberists 

Friday, January 9, 2015

Let's talk

Recently, and by recently I mean like yesterday I started going Facebook crazy and friend requesting people... thanks to Facebook suggesting every neighbor on my street because they are already friends with each other.  If they choose to read this, thanks for accepting.


I joke that I am a Facebook addict.  I am probably on there a little too much at times.  It's not as bad as some people who always need to be connected, however I am on there a lot.  There are good and bad about having a Facebook account.  I get to be connected to those I love, that I don't get to see.  I can message them, read about their day..... EVERY DAY!  I have gotten in touch with people I thought I would never see again.  I have made new friends.  I have become better friends with people I only knew of or barely knew.  I get to see the children of the people I grew up with grow up too.  I get to read things and see posted memes that make me laugh.


I have read things about the negative effects of social media and have experienced a lot of those things too.  If there is a tragic event on the news it is reported over and over from different sources; some not credible.  People are cruel on the internet.  They are behind a keyboard and can say whatever they want.  Some people even spend their time making negative comment... on purpose.  I try and try not to read too many comments on groups and pages in the Facebook world.  I'm not always successful and often times something has ruined my day.  I should know better.  The worst was after Andrew's accident in 2010.  I contacted 9news with his story for a "Hang Up and Drive"  segment.  Some of the comments people wrote on the video link were heartless and rude.  That should have ended my comment reading.

Other times I have to remove myself from Facebook because many people tend to show the glamor and happy times of their lives.  All their pictures are of the cool places they took their kids.  Status updates are only about the good things, the date nights, the raises, their awesome weight loss...  I'm not saying I want to see or read all your dirty laundry. I don't.  It is just nice to know that you are human.  It is nice to hear every once in a while that your child threw a fit, your dog peed in your shoe, or that you were not feeling well (followed by you are feeling better of course).  It can go the other way too.  If I read too many negative posts I start getting depressed. I feel sad that I can't help you.  Also on that note if you have too many negative posts people will start to block you, hide your status and ignore you... keep that in mind.  If you are seeking attention you will just make people run away.  (Shawna steps off her soapbox now.)


Above I mentioned watching friends' children growing up.  That is truly one of my favorite parts of social media.  However on some days I also need to step away.  Many of my friends on Facebook have children the same age as my children.  I am going to be honest here, but don't let it stop you from sharing pictures and quips from your own children.  I try not to compare my children to your children.  I know each child is different.  I know each child has their strengths and weaknesses; their good days and their not so good days.  Some days it makes me more aware that my child is different than your child.  My child is not doing the same thing as your child.  I already knew that because for the most part he is not doing the same things his brother was doing 17 months ago.  We can't always go out to fun places.  We try.  We don't want to hide and we are often busy. 

I am also glad to have made connects with people who can relate.  Our own children are not even thesame as each other... but we can relate, we listen, and even if we don't understand we are still understanding.  I also am thankful I have other support from friends with children who don't have special needs.  I will say that there are also other days I am grateful that Miles is not a typically developing child because there are some things that typical children do that I am glad Miles does not.

I try to be funny a lot of the time.  Often times all I need to do is share something that Avery said as my status.  Numerous times during a day he will say something worth posting.  I usually spare you... but I should make a book of Averyisms.

I love to talk. I am like the drunk girl at a party... and I don't even drink.  Just ask and I will usually spill the beans.  People always think I am quiet and reserved..... ha ha! If I don't feel you are willing to listen then I am not going to say anything.  I want to know that you are interested... unless you are my Facebook friend then it doesn't matter I share what I share. Don't like it? Hide my posts or unfriend me!

Ok, I better do something productive...

Thursday, January 8, 2015

2015 - you'd better be a good year

Happy New Year!!!!!

I really hope that 2015 is a great year.  It's not that 2014 was all bad, but I'm not sad to see it go.... keep on swimming. 

I love seeing my babies grow.  Miles has grown up a lot since Kindergarten started. A lot of little growths in many areas in development.  I never have time to sit down and share them all, and I never know what to share.  To some people the little bit makes a difference, to others they never knew or noticed, or to them it's not a big deal... their child has been doing that since they were two.   I mean I laughed yesterday because he not only did not swallow his gum on the way from therapy to school but when I told him he needed to put the gum in the trash he followed instruction... big deal!?  Yes big deal... it is what he works to do everyday... my sweet boy.

Avery has had a super attitude since he has turned 7.  I think he just works so hard and gets tired.  My goal is to have more Avery and Momma time, I get busy and I'm sure he needs it.  He is so smart though.  He loves math and is very good a reading.  He rarely tell me about school but the work that comes home is AMAZING! His handwriting is also amazing considering that in preschool he didn't even want to pick up a pencil and last year he is used a pencil grip to help his fine motor movements while writing.


I have projects in my brain galore, I don't even know where to start.  2015 is my year of goal, hopes, dreams and projects.  I have lost about 13lbs since this time last year.  I strive to continue on a great path to weight loss.  When I found out that I was pregnant last year, I changed a lot about my diet and I had already upped my exercise before that.  I had big goals to be super healthy.  One good thing about that goal is that I am still on a healthier track and I have lost weight and I will be ahead in my goal if I get the joy to carry out a pregnancy this year. I am ok now with the fact it did not happen they way we hoped, I feel like it was a necessary reboot.  A goal to take better care of me.
I have been using essential oils now for a year, I can also say my life is better because of them.  If you want to know more I'll talk anytime.

 I have so much I want to organize in my house, I also want to have my house super clean so that cleaning will be easier.  Therefore I need motivation... goal!

If I get my butt in gear I could make and teach my own science class for 2 weeks during the summer. It would be for summer enrichment. However I need to make up a class and apply with-in 9 days so maybe next year.  I have been busy subbing.  I think I either need a job at Lincoln Early childhood or Winona Elementary because that is where I am if I am teaching.

Next month will mark a 15 year relationship with Andrew; three more years and we will be together half my life!!!!!!  We will celebrate 12 years of being married!  It will be 5 years since Andrew's accident, a memory of how life changed and could have changed.

I hope to keep up on the blogging too.  That way I won't be so vague.... ha ha!