I wanted to share my mom's facebook post with every one.  I love you mom with all my heart.

 

Written by Nanina Hawk (my mom)

Always being ahead of my time 13 years ago on Feb 4th 2000 I didn't know February would become wear red for women. It make sense since it is the month for hearts. I also didn't know I had already had a minor heart attack December 27, 1999. Or that I was having a massive heart attack the morning of Feb 4th. A lot of things have changed in those 13 years. Most of all knowledge, that symptoms for women can be and are different then men. I was 39 years old, not over weight, and no clinician would just look at me and think heart attack. It was missed, twice, and sadly because time is of the essence in a heart attack, part of my lower heart died that day.

I can still remember after four days in the hospital going home and trying to unload the dishwasher. Putting one plate away having to sit down. Thinking to myself, if this is going to be my life I don't want to live this way. People around me not understanding, because I looked pretty normal on the outside. But I would never be the same again.

I did start to feel better, it took about year, after six weeks I went back to work and by Friday I would be wiped out for the weekends. Blood thinners, weekly blood test, anxiety, is this pain to be ignored or is it serious. Walking into unknown waters, this medication they give you slows down your heart, zaps your energy. That pain is your heart creating scar tissue. You now have depression, is it any wonder?

In the first year, a woman thanked me because she was having abnormal symptoms and I told her go in and have them to an EKG. She was having a heart attack and received early treatment with no damage to her heart. Although I also told many to do the same and they weren't.

The first wear red for women day fell on Feb 4, 2003 and you would have thought they did it just for me. Three years post heart attack for me. In those three years everyone had been talking about women and heart attacks, I thought if only, they had been before. It could have saved my heart from damage. Then I realized I was a part of all the women before who helped bring this to the forefront, to bring this to the news. That is why it is important to me. If I can't have the energy to run and do the things I want to do with my grandchildren, or the energy somedays just to do what I want. At least I know I helped get it out there.

When I think of what I would have missed as in graduation, weddings, grandchildren and just love. I'm so grateful for the outcome 13 years ago. I have appreciated everyday of those 13 years, when I look back. How some things are better to let go of they aren't as important as you think. Others you hold near and dear to heart because they are more important than you will ever know. Happy number 13 to me today!