The Unlikely Candidates
Follow My Feet - The Unlikely Candidates

There's a fork in the road in front of me,
At the crossroads of identity.
The Devil is standing to the left.
He says "Either way, they both lead to death."

And the high road's steady and steep,
And the low road's easy and deep.
Guess I'll follow, follow, follow my feet.
Guess I'll follow, follow, follow my feet.

I've a friend who lies and steals and cheats.
Always taking more than he can eat.
He says "To get what I want, I would probably kill.
If I don't take it, somebody else will."

And the high road's steady and steep,
And the low road's easy and deep.
Guess I'll follow, follow, follow my feet.
Guess I'll follow, follow, follow my feet.

There is no time,
Falling behind,
Plant harmony,
Or burn the tree.

I have a friend who loves humanity,
Braves bullets in war-torn countries.
He traded a life of wealth to help the poor and ill.
He says "If I don't do it, nobody will."

And the high road's steady and steep,
And the low road's easy and deep.
Guess I'll follow, follow, follow my feet.
Guess I'll follow, follow, follow my feet.

I don't know where,
I don't know where,
Where my path will lead, but I'll follow my feet and
Hopefully they'll keep me on the ground and I'll keep walking to the sound

Follow, follow, follow my feet.
Follow, follow, follow your feet.

Wake Me Up

"Wake Me Up" - Avicii feat Aloe Blacc

Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can't tell where the journey will end
But I know where to start

They tell me I'm too young to understand
They say I'm caught up in a dream
Well life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes
Well that's fine by me

[2x]
So wake me up when it's all over
When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn't know I was lost

I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
Hope I get the chance to travel the world
But I don't have any plans

Wish that I could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life's a game made for everyone
And love is the prize

[2x]
So wake me up when it's all over
When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn't know I was lost

Didn't know I was lost
I didn't know I was lost
I didn't know I was lost
I didn't know

Brianna come back!

I miss Brianna.

Who is Brianna?  She used to work in the childcare room at the Chilson Recreation Center.  She was familiar with Miles, how Miles is.  Brianna would not call me to the room unless it was very important.

This new girl... I don't know her name... is getting on my nerves.  It has been months since Brianna left and I thought her replacement was ok.  


Every Tuesday and Thursday for the last 2 years we have been dropping the kids off for 45mins - hour while we workout and then we pick up the kids and use the pool.  Avery plays with the other kids or on the computer and Miles reads books or plays with certain toys he likes.

Four out of the the last five times we have gone the girl in the childcare has made me upset.  The first two times it was because I arrived to pick up an unhappy Miles and come to find out it was because he pooped his pants and she didn't change him.  One of those times you could not smell him though and even I was surprised so I let that slide a little.  

The third incident happened as follows:  I get called down to childcare.  I arrive and there are only THREE children in the room.  Two of the children are crying; a little boy and Miles.  The little boy appears to me to be under the age of 2 and is crying because he wants his mom (or maybe he pooped his pants since she does not check).  Miles is crying because the little boy is crying.  The gal proceeds to tell me that she can't call the little guys mom because she is at swim lessons... huh, what?  So what you are saying is that you have to interrupt MY workout so that I can remove 2/3 of the kids.  Ok fine, I guess I should not be so selfish.... over it, move on.

The next day we are there; this is the day I thought I was sending the cat to his grave.  I am very upset and stressed out.  It was a weird day and I was counting on using the elliptical to get out some stress.  It was a REALLY good workout and I was pumped up for sure.  When I am done I take time to stretch and relax... meditate a bit.  While I am stretching I hear "Andrew or Shawna, please report to childcare."  SERIOUSLY???? I get up and I go there.  Miles is crying again because a very little guy wants his mom.  The kids crying was very upsetting to tell you the truth.  If I was in a room with him I would be upset too.  This time she proceeds to tell me that Miles did not want to be comforted and she could not get him to stop crying.  CALL THE BABY'S MOM. is what I wanted to yell.  Remove the crying child and he will be fine.  So again I have to remove my two kids.  Then while we were in the pool I hear her call someone else to childcare... probably the baby's mom. 

I understand Miles does not express his needs.  I understand he does not want that weirdo to comfort him.  I understand that she is probably under paid.  I get it.  I just do know why she has to call me so much.  Brianna knew that Miles would cry if  a baby was crying.  She would let him cry and try to calm the other crying child.  She would not call me unless Miles was hurting himself (throwing himself to the ground) or a danger to other kids (throwing toys). That only happened a few times.  I miss that.

something new

We don't have and iPad or tablet of any sort.  Andrew and I  have thought about getting one for Miles, however we did not want to buy one if Miles did not use it. Avery would use it, but we would mostly get it for a learning tool for Miles. 

I asked his teachers at school if he used the one they have in the classroom. Their reply was "Not really."  Later when I spent more time in the classroom I notice Miles mostly avoided the iPad because the other 3 kids in his class would fight over it.  He thought it was best to avoid that and I can't blame him.

Today in his weekly speech therapy the iPad was brought out. Miles LOVED it.  No surprise he already knows how to navigate it... I have no idea!  He loved the piano and drum apps!  Next his therapist tried an app that asked Miles to pick an item from a bunch of pictures.  This one was kind of funny because Miles would pick the coolest looking picture, like the candy apple, instead of the item prompted like vacuum.

This is where I am going to cry.  She then had Miles do one that would say "find the letter ____".  She did 5 or 6 of them with Miles (before he pushed the 'quit' button) and he got all of them right.  I have never seen him do this.  Since he does not say much it is hard to know how much he knows sometimes.  I know what some of you are thinking, why don't ask him that stuff with what I have at home?  He does not want to do that stuff with me and I am not going to force him.  He would rather do that stuff with therapists, teachers and I suppose now maybe the iPad.  He also knew the number 4 and did the number 4 two different times.  I wished he would not have pushed the quit button because I would have loved to know how much he does know!

The day I thought I was going to kill my cat

I did think my next blog post was going to be about Sensory Miles.  However, today was something crazy.

Many of you know my cat Ziggy is not doing well.  I came to terms with myself that I needed to assess Ziggy's quality of life.  The poor thing had been locked in our laundry room until that room really smelled and I moved him to the bathroom in the basement.  That is not the life I would like to live.  I mean I have been taking him outside in the back yard as much as I can, but I can't let him walk around the house because he seems to be peeing everywhere.

Saturday I wanted to get him to the vet... to tell them Ziggy's time is up.  It felt painful but they could not get him in until Tuesday... today.  Today I gave Ziggy extra love and cuddles and the whole time I had to keep myself from crying.  I kept having to remind myself that it would be better for him just to go then to keep him and he keep getting worse.  Of course they could not get him in until 4:00 pm so the day had to start out like normal.

The boys played outside in their swimming pool and I took Ziggy out for fresh air.  He looked so sad and pathetic.  His fur is all knotted because he does not care to clean himself.  His underside is really bad because I was having to pull him out from under my bed by his scruff and the made his fur more knotted. I noticed he could barely walk and the confirmed to me that it was time.

I had to get the boys in the house and dressed to go grocery shopping.  Strangely Avery asked why I was not getting a 'car cart'.  "Why, are you going to sit in one?" I asked him.  "I'm tired" he replied.  So he crammed himself into the car with Miles.  Miles kept hugging Avery into a headlock, therefor many people in the store found them amusing.

We got home in time for me to put the groceries away and get the cat packed up in his carrier to go to the vet.  On my way to the vet I had the radio on.  The song "Stay" by Rihanna ( video and song here) was playing and then started to get overplayed by another signal playing some somber classical cello music.  The music then when I thought the music was coming back it was really "Try" by Pink. (song here).  Then the music changed back into cello, then Stay, then Try and kept switching.  Don't ask me why I did not change the station or turn it off because I don't know.  Instead I said out loud. "Cut it out!  I am not in the mood! Pick a song... one song... and stick with it!!!!" and then the music switched to Stay and stayed.

At the vet:  In walk a new doctor that does not know Ziggy.  All he knows is what he has read on his charts. The funny thing about bringing Ziggy to the vet is that they always have a hunch what is wrong with him. and hunched on how to treat him.  This new guy didn't even let me get in that I wanted to end the poor things life.  He talked about getting him retested with an expensive test for his thyroid, and how if it is, and he BET ME that HE WOULD BE RIGHT, that it would be easy to treat.  He kept saying how Ziggy is too young to be sick and he would not really let me say much.  I ended up getting Ziggy more food and more of the steroid medication he has been taking and left with my cat.

I had planned on the fact that I would be crying when I left for home... but not because I was taking the cat back home with me.  I had no idea what was happening really.  I am still a bit confused about it all.  Anyway on the way home it started raining, it was sunny and pouring rain at the same time.  Then there would be no rain and you could see a head that you were going to drive into another down pour.  It was strange,

Sorry how long this is. ... I was thinking the next part I was going to write about going to the Chilson Center could be a whole different post.  So I think I will spare you and write the rest later.

Sensory Avery

I joke that while in the womb Avery picked what he wanted and left the rest for Miles.  No one has to tell me that all children are different but sensory need is one of the things that sets my children apart.  I don't think that Avery will ever be diagnosed with something like Sensory Processing Disorder because he has learned to cope with most of his sensory issues and they don't affect his everyday life like children who are diagnosed with SPD.

Avery could be classified as an "avoider" when it comes to sensory needs.  His avoider tendencies have always stood out to me --- maybe because I don't fit that.  When Miles' therapists where pointing out Miles seeking sensory input, I never really noticed because I related to what Miles was doing.  I could not relate to Avery's avoidance of sensory input. 


The first thing I noticed about baby Avery was that he did not want his face covered with a blanket.  This meant not even over his infant carrier.  Since he was born in October and the cold months were just starting, you had better believe that  we heard multiple comments about covering our baby.  I first thought maybe he just got too hot, or wanted to see the world.  Then one day I went out to lunch with my best friend's dad.  He worked near my house and he wanted to see Avery.  When I dropped him back off at work Avery was sleeping.  I started driving again and Avery started screaming like something was murdering him.  I was almost home so I did not pull over.  When I got home I found Avery's blanket was placed over the car seat and over his face.  Now it was not right on his face, but he was under the blanket.

Because Avery did not like to have his head covered I ended up bottle feeding him along with breast feeding him.  It also worked out because he was a pretty hungry baby!  If we were not at home I would most likely bottle feed because I wanted to cover up in public and Avery would not nurse under a blanket... no matter how hungry he was.  Also to back track I forgot to mention that Avery did not enjoy being swaddled for more than a few minutes.

To go in progression of age I will talk about Avery's crawling.  I did not think about this as sensory avoidance until recently.  Avery for the most part did not crawl.   I have some videos where he is sort of scooting but he is trying to avoid putting his knees on the ground. Both knees were never on the ground at the same time.  He also did not like 'tummy time' as an infant.

Until he could walk he also did not like being in the grass.  Once he could walk he did not care.

Recently I checked off a SPD screening checklist for both kids.  Not to make this post long I will briefly state the other things I marked off for Avery on the list. Some of the thing Avery will tolerate now, for example brushing, washing and cutting his hair.  It used to take 3 trips to the hair place and sometimes it would still end up not finished.  Somewhere I have a picture. 

Avery is not really a cuddly kid.  It is not that he is not affectionate but he prefers not to cuddle for long periods of time... UNLESS YOU ARE HIS NANA!  He could cuddle with Nana all day, I have always been a little jealous.

Avery has become a little more tolerant of messy play and getting his hands messy.  I think now that he can go wash his hands himself I just don't hear the complaint anymore.  He would even freak out if Miles was messy too, but I think he is used to that.  This is also why he avoids sauce of most kinds unless it is cheese or chocolate.

The one place where Avery is a seeker and not an avoider is the fact that he has to jump on EVERYTHING and still at ave 5.5 needs to put things in his mouth. 

After Avery got too big to sit in a bucket swing he does not like swinging.  He wants to but he does not.  He does not like to be tipped upside-down, unless he does it to himself on the couch and has rarely been a risk taker.

Avery gets startled by loud sounds. Before he got used to his Uncle Phil, just Phil's loud laugh would make him cry.  Avery covers his ears when he is scared.  He is more afraid of a loud sound than seeing something scary.  If the sound is unexpected, not even loud it can freak him out.  He still does not like the sound of fireworks or thunder.  

A few other things I marked off for Avery are: needs directions repeated often, says 'what?' frequently, has difficulty locating items among other items.

That is my Avery and how he avoids sensory. 

I have these 2 songs in my head a lot lately so I thought I would share.


#1 "Somewhere Only We Know" - KEANE

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know?
Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go?
So why don't we go?
Ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know? 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oextk-If8HQ

#2"Carry On" - FUN.

Well I woke up to the sound of silence
And cries were cutting like knives in a fist fight
And I found you with a bottle of wine
Your head in the curtains
And heart like the Fourth of July

You swore and said,
"We are not,
We are not shining stars."
This I know,
I never said we are

Though I've never been through hell like that
I've closed enough windows to know you can never look back

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone.
Carry on.
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground.
Carry on.

Carry on, carry on

So I met up with some friends at the edge of the night
At a bar off 75.
And we talked and talked about how our parents will die,
All our neighbours and wives.

But I like to think I can cheat it all
To make up for the times I've been cheated on.
And it's nice to know when I was left for dead
I was found and now I don't roam these streets,
I am not the ghost you are to me.

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone.
Carry on.
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground.
Carry on.

Whoa!
My head is on fire but my legs are fine.
After all they are mine.
Lay your clothes down on the floor,
Close the door, hold the phone,
Show me how no one’s ever gonna stop us tonight.

'Cause here we are
We are shining stars
We are invincible
We are who we are
On our darkest day
When we’re miles away
Sun will come
We will find our way home

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone.
Carry on.
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground.
Carry on.

Oooh.
Oooh.
Oooh.
Oooh.

(No one's ever gonna stop us tonight)
(No one's ever, no one's ever gonna stop, no one's ever gonna stop us tonight)
(No one's ever, no one's ever gonna stop, no one's ever gonna stop, no one's ever gonna stop us tonight) 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7yCLn-O-Y0