Giving Tree

I am not sure when it had started, but as long as I can remember, my family took names from the giving tree at the store.  All I know is that I asked my mom what the tree was and I could not fathom that there were children who did not get presents for Christmas.  I know I asked my mom if I could pick a name and when she told me we could not afford to buy extra presents I offered to give a girl my age one of my presents.  So that is what we did every year, my brothers and I would give up a present to a child around our same age.

When I started making my own money I started picking a name and buying gifts for the kids on the tree. On good years I could pick two names and working at King Soopers I could just pick a name from the store tree after I got off work one night.

A few years ago before I had kids of my own I was able to pick two names.  I picked a 14-year-old girl and a 5-year-old boy.  I bought the boy some play-doh, toy cars and package the included a small football, basketball and soccer ball. I remember like every other time I brought the gifts to store how wonderful I felt.

Some time between when I had turned the gifts in and Christmas I was waiting for my bus stop outside of my work.  (Any more I can't remember where I was headed, school probably.) As I walked up to the bus stop I saw it... MY wrapping paper... in the shape of the gift I had wrapped! A 5-year-old boy was at the bus stop with his mom and grandma.  

"Can I open it now... please?" he asked his mom.  

"Yes, yes!" I was screaming in my head.

"Ok you can open the small package on top" she finally said.

"CARS! My favorite!" he said.  Eventually while waiting for the bus she let him open the whole gift.  "Thanks whoever got this for me" he said.

"You're welcome!" I said in my head.  I can't believe I got to see him open it. I was so close to crying.         

November Photos of Toad 11/1 - 11/16

Krystle Kraft

      Today I attended the funeral for my dear friend Krystle.  I can not claim that Krystle was my best friend or even a close friend.  However I can tell you that Krystle was my friend and she was a good friend.  She would be there for anyone and everyone who needed her.  She cared about everyone and I don't think I ever saw her not smiling.  

      I went to school with Krystle and I have not seen her since high school.  I once I was introduced to social media, I looked for her all the time.  Many friends I reconnected online would also ask me if I found her.  I could not.  Krystle had an infectious laugh and smile and I thought about her a lot.  This shows how great of a person she was... we all thought of her frequently.  I did not know much about her adult life and since her passing I found out she has children, I'm sure she was a great mother.  

     Since I heard about the loss of a beautiful woman like Krys I have been in shock.  I went to the funeral to support those whom were even closer to her.  Parts of me did not want to believe I was there to remember her life.  I wanted to go to the church and for her to be there, like some sort of high school reunion.  But once there it became real, many people I had not seen in years... and only memories of Krystle.

    I still held myself together through songs and words.... then the microphone was sent into sea of those there to say how much they loved her.  First words from her best friend.  Then my heart stopped when I saw her 8-year-old son raise his hand for his turn to talk... " I am Krystal's kid.  She was a good person.  The last time I saw her and got to see her smile - she was taking me out for pizza - it was the last time I saw her - I am going to miss her so much"  and that trailed into uncontrollable sobs... not just from her son, but from everyone.


Life is precious and unpredictable.  Krystal was brutally taken from her family too soon. Remember to tell those you love you love them.  I hope Krystle knows how much people loved her and thought about her. 

  

My thoughts!

I never used to really think about my first impressions and how I come across to people.  In fact I will admit that I just assumed every one just liked me.  It was a hard lesson to learn that some people just don't like me... for their own reasons... but as a 30-year-old adult I have come with terms that so people just won't and that is ok... I probably don't like them either :).

Even thought I believe what I have stated above, in my 20's I also learned that peoples first impressions of me were the opposite of what I always thought I was.  For example a group of girls I had worked with at King Soopers told me one day that when I had started at their store (my 4th store) they thought I was probably a stuck-up bitch and surprised that I was one of the nicest people the have worked with.  I was very very puzzled.  Why did I come across that way?  Was it because I had the confidence of working for the company several years already?  The part of me that does not open up to those I do not know yet?  The fact that I don't just walk around smiling... I mean really who does that anyway?  Strangely these girls were not the only people to say something similar... something like I was not who they thought I would be.

I learned that was ok too.  I made changes to make sure if I could help it, make sure my first impression was what I wanted them to think of me. 

Even though I have grown a lot in this area, I still get annoyed when people just assume things about me, my family, or my life.  I'm talking about people I have known for a long time and not just first impressions of people I just met.

For example; Andrew and I bought a new house.  The house is in a nice neighborhood with some moderate to pricey homes.  We went from a low income apartment to our new home and I think many people had some assumptions about how we could make such a move... no we are not rich.  I don't feel I need to get into my financial situation because seriously it is not your business.

I will say this:  Besides mortgage loans I do not have any debt.  I do not own a credit card.  My car is paid off.  I don't have an iPhone or a smart phone of any kind.  I can not even use the internet on my phone.  I own 2 pairs of jeans and not as many clothing items or shoes as other people.  I go grocery shopping... I used to use coupons but realized I was buying crap... but I still try not to over spend.  Yes we went to Disneyland... that is what happens when you save money.  Ok sure I don't have a job... I am mooching of my husbands disability benefits.... until I can get a job.  All those teaching jobs that were supposed to be around when I got out of school are no where.  Andrew and I are both good with our money and we can get by... I am not saying we are 'poor' either.  We just know how to spend and save.


Now sorry if I seem like I have gotten off topic, but my point was that people assume things about people based on what they see.  And unless you know all the details of what I just shared with you... you still don't know the fact... so quit assuming... and not just about me either.


Off my soapbox now!

I think I am on to something!

In most ways Miles has always been my easier child, but he is definitely my harder child when it comes to figuring out what he needs.  I am not just speaking of the fact that he does not talk much.  The things that work to sooth him are ALWAYS changing, or the things he will or will not eat or do or play with.  I am sure other children are just like Miles and I am not complaining... but Avery will tell you exactly what he wants and needs and makes it obvious and easier for me to work with.

When Miles was little it was easy to get him to sleep and lately he has been having a hard time with it.  I think Miles himself could not think of what 'thing' could help him sooth himself to sleep.  Neither of my children want to sleep in their own rooms or beds right now and both sleep on the couch.  I decided I needed to start a better bedtime routine and I needed to do it soon.   

Monday I started letting Miles fall asleep on the couch next to me while watching T.V.  At Target I found a tiger stuffed animal that looks like Hobbs from Calvin and Hobbs... therefore naming the tiger Hobbs.  I kept giving Miles Hobbs to cuddle with, putting his arms around Hobbs every time Miles let go.  Eventually Miles was asleep.  Tuesday and Wednesday the same and it got easier. I figured that I would just get him used to falling asleep with Hobbs and then start working on falling asleep in his bed because he would have Hobbs to help him.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I left him on the couch when I went to bed.  Last night I decided to take Miles and Hobbs to Miles' room after he had fallen asleep.  He stayed asleep until 2:30am when he woke up because he needed a new diaper.  The interesting thing was he woke up and stayed in his room!  The only reason I knew he was up was because I heard him crying.  I went in changed his diaper, put Hobbs into his arms, covered him with his blanket and walked away.  He went back to sleep!  He was up again at 3:30 am.  This time no wet diaper; again he was in his room crying.  I gave him Hobbs, told him Hobbs was with him and I stood there for a minute and left again.  

 One more wake at 5:30.  This time he was in the hall way.  I was tired and decided that I would try to take him to my bed or the couch.  I picked him up and he gave me a big hug. When I started walking away from his room he gave me a little whine so I turned around and walked to his room.  I put him in bed, gave him Hobbs, but I knew he was too awake for me to walk away so I got in his bed and he hugged Hobbs and we fell asleep until Avery woke us up 2 hours later.  

Sorry to complain

If you don't want to read my whining then turn away now!!!!! 

First I will start off with no complaint but I will warn it it will lead into ranting!!! 

Miles has grown so much in the last 6 months.  I took note because he just turned 3 1/2 yesterday.  He has said more words and singed more words and even signed "fruit-snacks please."  He is more social, he wants to play with other kids and yet he is not sure how to join them still.  Lately I have been able to let him play further away from me on the playground.  I am sure I looked like one of those annoying 'helicopter' parents that never let the kid do anything for themselves... but if I didn't do that he would be gone; the boy can run fast... and he is quiet.  If you did not want to sprint you had to stay as close as you could.  Now he might go farther away but will turn around and come back.

One of the newest things I have noticed is how Miles plays with toys.  If you watch him closely you can see the back and forth conversation going on in his head between two objects.  To an outsider he might look funny since he is playing quietly as opposed to Avery having a strange conversation with himself: "It's time to go into the deep,  that is absurd"  Avery says to himself while playing with two things.  If you think about it Avery's behavior is strange, but it is age appropriate.

Watching Miles makes me wonder about what the therapists he was seeing from age 2-3  would say now.  Since Miles is non-verbal it seems like anything he did or did not do was labeled a red flag for Autism.  If I say Avery did the same thing at that age that didn't seem to matter... because Avery could talk after age 2.  One person said they did not think Miles showed enough emotions and tantrums were age appropriate ... and that was a flag.  Another working with him at the same time said that his tantrums when not wanting to do her tasks... was a flag.  They seemed to be focused on things like the fact that he used his hands instead of utensils and could not dress himself instead of what mattered.  And guess what... he CAN do BOTH now almost all by himself.


CHANGE OF SUBJECT:

I should not care what people think of me, and most the time I really don't.  However sometimes I get upset when I am confused about what people think or if I think their reason for not liking me or talking about me is for superficial reasons.  Right now I am not always happy with my own body image and being overweight.  But I still tell myself that I love me and we are working on that part.  I go to the gym at the rec center 2 times a week and my family goes on 30-60 minute walks almost every day.  At the rec-center--- that is the problem.  I get sick of these super skinny, 'I don't want to get my hair and make up wet in the SWIMMING POOL", teenagers.  I am getting healthy and all they can do is comment on how fat I am.  I am not even making it up on occasion I have heard them talk about me... when I am right there.  Most the time it is before or after we take the kids swimming and I am in the locker room with Miles.  I'm sorry but I hope they get twice as fat and have an even harder time loosing weight after they have kids.  I love my children and my extra weight is worth it for them.


ONE MORE... even though I could go on forever.

Learn how to drive people.... I go the speed limit.... deal with it and GET OFF YOUR DAMN PHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Book review

I read the book Late-Talking Children by Thomas Sowell.

My intention was to read another book by Thomas Sowell that the library did not have.  Sowell wrote a book based on a group of people he conversed with through emails, letters and such who all had late-talking children.  These families contacted Sowell after he wrote articles in the paper about his own son John.

The book starts with John's story and other adults who were once mysterious late-talkers.  The book proceeds with the stories of the families who contacted Sowell with their stories and what he knew about them based on letters and parent surveys.  Many of the stories are fascinating.  The book was written in 1997 and I was amazed at all the different parents saying their child was diagnosed with Autism by the school and professionals said "NO WAY!"  I was not aware that the quickness to label children Autistic was going on at this time.

Many of the children reminded me of Avery.  The children had excellent memory, quickness with numbers and letters, went from saying nothing to say full sentences and late to potty train because they just didn't care if they did or not.  The only difference was that compared to these children in the book Avery talking right at age 2 does not make him a late talker.  Most the children in this book did not talk much or at all until they were 4.

Sowell then addresses the similarities between families of late talkers.  This section actually made me feel that if my children were not late-talkers then they would be 'abnormal'.  What I mean by this is Sowell noted the occupations of parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles.  There was always at least one and more likely more than one family member in either, engineering, accounting, science, mathematics, computers or music.
   
                            So my kids have:  Father- science, music, Grandfather - computers, Grandmother - accounting, Uncle - computers, music, Grandfather- architect (I would lump that with engineering), Mother- music, and I would also have to include Grandmother- art
 * music was described as plays an instrument - musical profession

My only problem with this book is that Sowell continues the book with a story of a boy who really is Autistic and gifted.  However, even though the story is wonderful it gave little insight as to why this boy was really Autistic compared to the other children who sounded like they could be and weren't.

Many other reviews of the book on goodreads said they were not impressed since the book only covers children with very high IQ.  That may be true but I found that some of the children were thought not to have high IQ until they could talk...