Dear Avery

Dear Avery, 

I promise 2015 will be a better year.  My number one goal is you.  

I realized from our conversation the other night that I am right on target, I understand now.  You didn't say much but you didn't have to, as your momma I get plenty of practice being a mind reader. 

I have not been happy with your behavior lately, but do you know what I realized?  It's not you that needs to change your behavior, it's me. I had to take a step back and look at the whole picture.  

Avery, you are one of the smartest people I know. You are wise beyond your 7 years.  Everyday you surprise me, however since you are a child of a scientist and a teacher, I should not be surprised at how much you love to learn. Please keep that up, make school easy for yourself.  

I needed to look at all that is going on in your life, you have a lot going on. 

You have always been a great big brother.  You were thrown into that role when you were only 17 months old.  I have been so proud of what a great and helpful big brother you are.  Miles looks up to you and probably loves you more than anyone. I imagine that it is not easy all the time growing up with a brother who is not only different that you, but different from your friends, and different from your friends' siblings. I'm sure it gives you a lot to think about.  I think you often wonder where you fit in, who you relate to.  I'm sure this difference in you life has helped make you kind and understanding. 

Mrs. Carmen said to me the other day that siblings of children with special needs have to think about a lot.  They have to think about how their sibling behaves and how their peers behave and how they need to behave. I have noticed this when I see you take on some of the less desired behavors of your peers.  I have come to understand that right now it is ok and what you need to do.  

Since you were only 2 1/2 when your dad was in his accident you may not remember what he was like before.  You may not remember him without his disabilities. But knowing you, you probably think about that too.

I realized you think we are always mad at you.  So I am going to work on that.  Like I told you, we are not mad.  Maybe upset from time to time.  That perhaps we expect to much from you.  I told you that can happen to the child that is 1st born, and since you are the first born of two first born... well I realize the odds might not be in your favor. I reminded you that even when we are upset, we get over it and aren't upset anymore and we need to tell you that. We give you high expectations, because you are smart enough, we want you to make wise decisions in life, you are a role-model. We want you to help others, like Miles, make them too. 

My goals: make sure to tell you I love you everyday.  Let you be a kid.  Let you cool down before I tell you why I was upset and tell you I'm not upset anymore.  Not pester you when you need your time to think and decompress.  Have more Avery + Momma time.  

I love you Avery James.

Now I think I need to go listen to the song "Dear Avery" by The Decemberists 

Let's talk

Recently, and by recently I mean like yesterday I started going Facebook crazy and friend requesting people... thanks to Facebook suggesting every neighbor on my street because they are already friends with each other.  If they choose to read this, thanks for accepting.


I joke that I am a Facebook addict.  I am probably on there a little too much at times.  It's not as bad as some people who always need to be connected, however I am on there a lot.  There are good and bad about having a Facebook account.  I get to be connected to those I love, that I don't get to see.  I can message them, read about their day..... EVERY DAY!  I have gotten in touch with people I thought I would never see again.  I have made new friends.  I have become better friends with people I only knew of or barely knew.  I get to see the children of the people I grew up with grow up too.  I get to read things and see posted memes that make me laugh.


I have read things about the negative effects of social media and have experienced a lot of those things too.  If there is a tragic event on the news it is reported over and over from different sources; some not credible.  People are cruel on the internet.  They are behind a keyboard and can say whatever they want.  Some people even spend their time making negative comment... on purpose.  I try and try not to read too many comments on groups and pages in the Facebook world.  I'm not always successful and often times something has ruined my day.  I should know better.  The worst was after Andrew's accident in 2010.  I contacted 9news with his story for a "Hang Up and Drive"  segment.  Some of the comments people wrote on the video link were heartless and rude.  That should have ended my comment reading.

Other times I have to remove myself from Facebook because many people tend to show the glamor and happy times of their lives.  All their pictures are of the cool places they took their kids.  Status updates are only about the good things, the date nights, the raises, their awesome weight loss...  I'm not saying I want to see or read all your dirty laundry. I don't.  It is just nice to know that you are human.  It is nice to hear every once in a while that your child threw a fit, your dog peed in your shoe, or that you were not feeling well (followed by you are feeling better of course).  It can go the other way too.  If I read too many negative posts I start getting depressed. I feel sad that I can't help you.  Also on that note if you have too many negative posts people will start to block you, hide your status and ignore you... keep that in mind.  If you are seeking attention you will just make people run away.  (Shawna steps off her soapbox now.)


Above I mentioned watching friends' children growing up.  That is truly one of my favorite parts of social media.  However on some days I also need to step away.  Many of my friends on Facebook have children the same age as my children.  I am going to be honest here, but don't let it stop you from sharing pictures and quips from your own children.  I try not to compare my children to your children.  I know each child is different.  I know each child has their strengths and weaknesses; their good days and their not so good days.  Some days it makes me more aware that my child is different than your child.  My child is not doing the same thing as your child.  I already knew that because for the most part he is not doing the same things his brother was doing 17 months ago.  We can't always go out to fun places.  We try.  We don't want to hide and we are often busy. 

I am also glad to have made connects with people who can relate.  Our own children are not even thesame as each other... but we can relate, we listen, and even if we don't understand we are still understanding.  I also am thankful I have other support from friends with children who don't have special needs.  I will say that there are also other days I am grateful that Miles is not a typically developing child because there are some things that typical children do that I am glad Miles does not.

I try to be funny a lot of the time.  Often times all I need to do is share something that Avery said as my status.  Numerous times during a day he will say something worth posting.  I usually spare you... but I should make a book of Averyisms.

I love to talk. I am like the drunk girl at a party... and I don't even drink.  Just ask and I will usually spill the beans.  People always think I am quiet and reserved..... ha ha! If I don't feel you are willing to listen then I am not going to say anything.  I want to know that you are interested... unless you are my Facebook friend then it doesn't matter I share what I share. Don't like it? Hide my posts or unfriend me!

Ok, I better do something productive...

2015 - you'd better be a good year

Happy New Year!!!!!

I really hope that 2015 is a great year.  It's not that 2014 was all bad, but I'm not sad to see it go.... keep on swimming. 

I love seeing my babies grow.  Miles has grown up a lot since Kindergarten started. A lot of little growths in many areas in development.  I never have time to sit down and share them all, and I never know what to share.  To some people the little bit makes a difference, to others they never knew or noticed, or to them it's not a big deal... their child has been doing that since they were two.   I mean I laughed yesterday because he not only did not swallow his gum on the way from therapy to school but when I told him he needed to put the gum in the trash he followed instruction... big deal!?  Yes big deal... it is what he works to do everyday... my sweet boy.

Avery has had a super attitude since he has turned 7.  I think he just works so hard and gets tired.  My goal is to have more Avery and Momma time, I get busy and I'm sure he needs it.  He is so smart though.  He loves math and is very good a reading.  He rarely tell me about school but the work that comes home is AMAZING! His handwriting is also amazing considering that in preschool he didn't even want to pick up a pencil and last year he is used a pencil grip to help his fine motor movements while writing.


I have projects in my brain galore, I don't even know where to start.  2015 is my year of goal, hopes, dreams and projects.  I have lost about 13lbs since this time last year.  I strive to continue on a great path to weight loss.  When I found out that I was pregnant last year, I changed a lot about my diet and I had already upped my exercise before that.  I had big goals to be super healthy.  One good thing about that goal is that I am still on a healthier track and I have lost weight and I will be ahead in my goal if I get the joy to carry out a pregnancy this year. I am ok now with the fact it did not happen they way we hoped, I feel like it was a necessary reboot.  A goal to take better care of me.
I have been using essential oils now for a year, I can also say my life is better because of them.  If you want to know more I'll talk anytime.

 I have so much I want to organize in my house, I also want to have my house super clean so that cleaning will be easier.  Therefore I need motivation... goal!

If I get my butt in gear I could make and teach my own science class for 2 weeks during the summer. It would be for summer enrichment. However I need to make up a class and apply with-in 9 days so maybe next year.  I have been busy subbing.  I think I either need a job at Lincoln Early childhood or Winona Elementary because that is where I am if I am teaching.

Next month will mark a 15 year relationship with Andrew; three more years and we will be together half my life!!!!!!  We will celebrate 12 years of being married!  It will be 5 years since Andrew's accident, a memory of how life changed and could have changed.

I hope to keep up on the blogging too.  That way I won't be so vague.... ha ha!

Brain dump!

1.  I am not lying when I say Avery has turned me into a huge Star Wars fan.  We bought him several character encyclopedias that have way more information than even I want to know or car about knowing.  However know more than I did has helped me understand the story.

 1a.  Now that I have finally watched episode II and III and understand all of it I can't stop thinking about it.  I almost hate to admit this but episodes III and VI now make me emotional.  Episode III is where Anikin Skywalker becomes Darth Vader.  He is naive in thinking that by doing so he can save his love Padme from death.  However his turning into Vader is what kills her.... and the scene where he kills innocent children.... my heart stopped.  It made me feel weird because I knew he becomes Vader and yet it was like I did not know the story.  Then in episode VI Vader sacrifices himself to save his son, that he never even knew.... ok sorry I'm officially a nerd...

1b.   Ok so these encyclopedias we got Avery... they don't tell you how to pronounce the strange names of people or planets.  I am in the dark!  Then I end up going to bed with some of the names in my head! 

2.  ROAD CONSTRUCTION!!!!!! *&%#!   EVERY way I can go (that makes sense) to take Miles to therapy there is road construction!   I mean it will be nice, but ALL AT ONCE?  COME ON!

3. In 11 days I will have a Kindergartener and a 1st grader!  I want to cry already.  I can't believe my baby will be in 'big boy school'.  He's probably ready but I'm not.  It's different than last year when Avery went.  Since April 2012 Miles has been in the preschool program.  I have become comfortable with him there and now it is all different.  He is now in elementary school.  This is the first time we will be dealing with IEPs and other things at this level.  I do like the people at the school so far. 

4. I am a little mad that the school district decided not to have early release Wednesday this year.  I was relying on that time for therapy for Miles.  Also they don't have the whole week off for Thanksgiving break this year. :(


5. Negative attitudes, negativity, and too much complaining eats my soul.

6.  I wish when I am somewhere by myself and I hear a child screaming I didn't think it was mine.  Especially because I know what he sounds like and he does not sound like that child. 

7. I think my brain is dumped for now.  I can't remember all I've been thinking.  Maybe I'll have more later.

Autism Awareness Month - What is autism?

 What Is Autism

My son has ASD.  It is important to spread awareness.  Many people think they know what autism is, but many don't really know.

(Info from Autism Speaks): Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and autism are both general terms for a group of complex disorders of brain development. These disorders are characterized, in varying degrees, by difficulties in social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication and repetitive behaviors. (To be diagnosed a person would have to have difficulties in ALL 3 areas listed.)  With the May 2013 publication of the DSM-5 diagnostic manual, all autism disorders were merged into one umbrella diagnosis of ASD. Previously, they were recognized as distinct subtypes, including autistic disorder, childhood disintegrative disorder, pervasive developmental disorder-not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS) and Asperger syndrome.


ASD can be associated with intellectual disability, difficulties in motor coordination and attention and physical health issues such as sleep and gastrointestinal disturbances. Some persons with ASD excel in visual skills, music, math and art.

Autism appears to have its roots in very early brain development. However, the most obvious signs of autism and symptoms of autism tend to emerge between 2 and 3 years of age.

What Causes Autism?

Not long ago, the answer to this question would have been “we have no idea.” Research is now delivering the answers. First and foremost, we now know that there is no one cause of autism just as there is no one type of autism. Over the last five years, scientists have identified a number of rare gene changes, or mutations, associated with autism. A small number of these are sufficient to cause autism by themselves. Most cases of autism, however, appear to be caused by a combination of autism risk genes and environmental factors influencing early brain development.
In the presence of a genetic predisposition to autism, a number of nongenetic, or “environmental,” stresses appear to further increase a child’s risk. The clearest evidence of these autism risk factors involves events before and during birth. They include advanced parental age at time of conception (both mom and dad), maternal illness during pregnancy and certain difficulties during birth, particularly those involving periods of oxygen deprivation to the baby’s brain. It is important to keep in mind that these factors, by themselves, do not cause autism. Rather, in combination with genetic risk factors, they appear to modestly increase risk.
A growing body of research suggests that a woman can reduce her risk of having a child with autism by taking prenatal vitamins containing folic acid and/or eating a diet rich in folic acid (at least 600 mcg a day) during the months before and after conception.
Increasingly, researchers are looking at the role of the immune system in autism. Autism Speaks is working to increase awareness and investigation of these and other issues, where further research has the potential to improve the lives of those who struggle with autism

YOU are trying to one-up ME?

So last night I knew I should have kept my mouth shut... ok not my mouth I was typing on Facebook. 

A friend of mine posted an article titled "Jenny McCarthy: My bad, turns out my kid didn't have Autsim." Now before I decided to get mad at Jenny McCarthy I read the article.  It is not as bad as it sounds because it is not like she was faking that he had it to get attention.  The child was misdiagnosed, but still has a rare neurological disease.  It was probably ok that he was misdiagnosed because I'm sure whatever therapy he had was helpful anyway.

The 'problem' with her child being misdiagnosed is that she had many believing in her advice on autism and it turns out her child did not have it.... still not her fault.

I've never listened to Jenny McCarthy as a advocate for autism.  I mean I'm sure having a celebrity for awareness is great, and I'm sure she raised a lot of money for the research.   What I never bought from her campaign is that vaccinations are the cause and changing your child's diet is the cure.  I don't want to go much farther into that.  I may not be all knowing about autism but I do know a lot from my Speech Communication degree and from my teacher education.  I also know how to read credible sources and what article are important.  I know what I have been told be doctors that gave my son his autism diagnosis.  There is more research proving that vaccines are not the cause and some of the people who said they are the cause came out saying they made it up.  And to end on a note... if they changed their minds and told me tomorrow that vaccinating my child caused his autism, I would rather him have autism than be dead because he got an illness he could have been vaccinated for.


So as I was saying I should have just took my fingers off the keyboard.  All I typed was that I never believed her campaign about vaccines and diets.  To which a friend of my friend comes back at it saying "Vaccinations causing autism is on the rise and there is plenty of research to prove this. Although her son does not have it many children have suffered this fate already."  I could not let that sit. So I told her I did not agree and my son HAS autism and it has nothing to do with vaccinations.  

She tells me she disagrees with me, but I already knew that.  That is fine, I understand people won't agree with me.  Many mothers of children with autism would agree with her.  The thing that drove me crazy though is I felt then she was trying to one-up me.  She proceeds to tell me that she has close friends/family would have children with autism and she knows other people and they all got autism by vaccines.  Well that's nice....  Nevermind that I live with my son, who has autism, everyday.  

So then I just write.  Well my son never had problems with vaccines.  Then I get some lame response:
"With the vaccinations it truly is a tough call. ...... But for those they have affected it is truly sad and something everyone should be aware of."  Well that's nice.... 


I let her have that last word on that post. But what I wanted to write back was "Autism is not sad, it's just different.  I would not take my sons autism away.  I'm sorry that those who need to find someone or something blame, blame vaccines... that is what is truly sad."

Hello 2014

New year resolution..... I don't really have one.

For the last ~6 months I have been changing things for myself to become a better me.  I have adopted the motto that if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of others.  So far in some areas I have improved but I have a long way to go.

One goal is to be healthier and the other is to be happier (I'm already happy with most aspects of my life, but being happy should be every ones goal).  Both of these goals just happens to include losing weight... not just weight loss but it is included.


I heard somewhere that if you share your weight loss goals and be open to sharing the numbers it helps... or maybe I am just thinking about The Biggest Loser!

Any way I am starting the new year weighing in at 176.8lb.  Now before you start comparing your weight to mine and ect., also note I am 5'2.5".  I am excited to start out the year at 176.8lbs because for the last two years I could not drop my weight below 180lbs and often times I was 186lb. This had me depressed too because at 9 months pregnant with Avery I was 188lbs. 


For the last few months I have been around 177lb (+/- normal fluctuation) and I have been thrilled.  My ultimate goal (knowing it might take a few years)  is to weigh between 130 and 140lbs.  But most of all the goal is to continue to exercise and eat more healthy choices.... ugh and drink more water... that part is hard for me.



Happy New Year

2014!