Surprise Miles!!!

Today we went to a playground that Avery had been asking to go to all week.  The playground has cool play equipment and a 'spray ground' area for the kids to get wet. 

At first Miles wanted to swing, then chase a boy on a bicycle and then play in the sandbox.  Once at the sand box I am surprised to see Miles sit down in the middle of a bunch of other kids sitting in the sand.  A typical scene is Miles sitting off to the side watching the other kids play together.  He is sitting right next to a girl wearing a Cindrella dress-up gown.  This girl has to be about 7 or 8 years old.  She is pouring sand into some sort of cone/bucket/not really sure and I see Miles with a hand full of sand and the girl says "HEEEYYYYY!!!!" From my angle I am not really sure but it looked like he was putting sand IN the thing.  I'm thinking either way if he was putting sand in or taking it out he was 'playing' with her and I was impressed. 

After she yells at him he stops and then he flipped over sprawled in the sand on his belly.  Maybe I was not paying attention, but I think I was, but the girl kept telling Miles to "stop it."  I was not sure what he was 'doing to her' but secretly I was hoping he was kicking up sand on her princess gown, she was covered in sand anyway.  If she did not want to be maybe she should not have been wearing the dress in the sandbox.  For some reason she kept making fun of him to her friends who seemed just to be ignoring her anyway. 

After Miles was covered in sand I took him to the water part to hose off.  This is where he stayed for the remainder of the park visit.  Miles is a little bit of a water hog though.  Most kids just kind of stay out of the way.  This is surprise number two.  There was a little itty bitty girl would was checking out the same water fountain as Miles.  Miles reached out and PUSHED the little girl down.  I have never seen him purposely push another child that was not his big brother!  When she fell over and cried he did look upset and I put him in a timeout and he sat there.  A small part of me was happy because, well that is what kids do. I wished it was not a little bitty girl though and I wished it did not make Miles seem like a monster child.  I was seriously shocked because that was so not like him.  The picture below is a few minutes before the push and the little girl in the white hat is the little girl. 

The quest for the ice cream truck

The things we do for our children....

Avery has always been a passionate and sensitive boy.  I think as he gets older these qualities will transfer to something great.  As for now it might seem trivial to people who are not Avery.  Today we heard the ice cream truck and I told him we could get something if it drove by.  Finding the truck now became Avery's passion.

We were playing in the backyard at the time and we could hear the music playing... somewhere.  Avery walked to the end of the street a said he thought he saw it... nothing.  We could hear it very clearly but it was nowhere.  I thought it could be in the neighborhood across the street.  We went back to the house and got the double stroller (the kids have bare feet) and decided to head over.  We could hear it louder and yet it seemed to be getting farther away.  I RAN down a path to one of the main roads... and the music was gone.  

I told Avery we had Popsicles at home, but at this point he was ready to cry.  "We have to find the ice cream truck!!!!"  Ok, ok... The music picked up again and there we were walking down roads in the other neighborhood.  It was close to 100 degrees out and here I was pushing two 40lb kids in a double stroller.   We would hear the music then it would be gone.  Every time Avery would ask if I could hear it I would say "I don't think so, maybe, no, maybe, yes."  I was thinking that by then we had become delirious with the music stuck playing over and over in our heads.

Eventually I say to Avery. "I'm sorry but I don't think we will find it.  You can have something from home or maybe.... "  NO WAY THERE WAS THE TRUCK!!!! It's music was no longer playing but there it was!  Avery waves frantically at the ice cream man.  It was like we had just been found dieing of thirst in the desert.  The man pulls over and thank goodness I can get some ice cream.   

Avery gets this big thing shaped like Sponge Bob and Miles gets a Bomb-pop.  Finally we start to head home.  I have to tell Avery to eat his precious Sponge Bob before it melts or Miles takes a bite... and then Miles takes a bite.  Avery wanted to show his daddy and I assure him that Daddy knows what Sponge Bob looks like and that I am sure he could picture what the ice cream looks like. 

Finally home! We are right in front of the house and the $%^& ice cream truck (with music) drives by.  Of course he does.  I figure though that if we had not stopped him he probably would have just moved to another area in town.  

Between this event and then working out at the rec center I have put 10,500 steps on my pedometer... so maybe I need to chase ice cream trucks more often. 

The list

I wish I still had the list they gave me when they mentioned flags for Autism.  I sat there reading it over and over.  I finally got out two highlighter markers and started marking the list.  When I was done I had more symptoms marked for 4-year-old Avery than I did for almost 3-year-old Miles.  The next time I saw the developmental educator who came to see Miles I told her this and all she could say was "Well clearly Avery does not have Autism."  


I think most to all of those things I had marked for Avery have since vanished.  However then it made me that much more annoyed with what they were saying.


Again I wish I still had that list.  I Googled for it and the list no longer looks the same and depending on what you are reading the signs and symptoms change.  I wish I could remember all the things I marked for Avery and the few things I marked for Miles.  Also I all the things that they said Miles did or didn't do and then he started doing... like eye contact.    

Don't know my story? Feel free to ask not judge.

Other conversations have sparked this and yet it is something I think about often.

Now that I get out there into the world and now that my kids are in school I often get the question/ response "How come you have not gotten a diagnosis yet?"  I want to say "Because I haven't OK."

For the most part I am not in hurry as I have mentioned before.  As long as Miles gets a diagnosis before Kindergarten I am fine... and this is only because it determines what services he can get in school and perhaps outside of school.


So for those of you who don't know it or just want to read it anyway here it is:  Miles was an easy baby.  I was scared he would not be because Avery was and people kept telling me that if I had one easy baby there was no way Miles was going to be an easy baby... but he was.  He was always happy and easy going except when he was hungry and you can ask his Nana about how he would not take a bottle...    He laughed at his brother, he wanted to move quickly to keep up with him too.  Unlike Avery he actually crawled and like Avery was an early walker.  Because of Avery he heard and or watched the movie Cars everyday of his life for the first year but he was always excited when it came on.  He was always on the go, but so was Avery.  

He was always quite, unless he was upset, laughing or excited.  When he was not talking or really even babbling (he cooed a lot though) we were not concerned and neither was the pediatrician because like Avery, Miles was hitting all the other milestones early except for communication.  Avery started talking in sentences at age 2.

At age 2, Miles was not talking yet.  The pediatrician referred me to child-find for my county but still said he was not too concerned with anything.  This is where parents sometimes get mad a the pediatrician for dismissing things, I am not mad nor did I think he was blowing things off.  Here is the other things my childrens' pediatrician knew about my children:


I was in the office every couple months for checkups between the two kids.  The pediatrician was well aware of my family's situation and how Andrew was in an accident.  He knew that my family was under distress and trauma and he knew it was hard to tell how it translated to my children.  Miles was only 14 months at the time of the accident.  He just wanted to watch and see how things woudl progress.

Miles had a harder time adjusting to apartment living and his daddy being home than anyone else.  We were all happy but it was confusing to Miles.  He was just turning 2.  It has taken him 2 years (plus the year Andrew was gone)  to become his daddy's buddy again.  Since he has gained that back I have seen a burst of growth in Miles.

On to Foothills Gateway he had therapy through when he was 2.  At the end of his time with them they brought up 'flags of Austism' and then even though they agreed he did not have many of them anymore the refused to remove them from the report.  Some of it I thought was because Miles just did not like them and he just wanted to avoid them. They also said to me that because of the growth they saw he may grow out of more and testing was up to us.  They also told me that they might not want to diagnose him until he was at least 4 in that case.

So there it is.  We are now on a wait list for testing.

I understand the need but in most instances it is not needed.

Label label label.  I understand the need for labels, I attach them tho things, to myself, to others... we all do.

Here is my problems though, I don't want the general public to give my child the diagnosis of Autism.  If specialists, doctors, therapists, and the likes give him one for treatment purpose I am fine with that.  If the school needs a diagnosis for IEP and school help they can have it.  At home he does not need that. out in public (at least now) he does not need that. 

Acceptable home labels: Miles, "My-my", Monkey, stinker, cutie pie, little boy, child, and his astrological sign in Aries.  

Today I had a guy at the Chilson (in the hot tub) ask me if Miles was Autistic.  I don't mind the asking, I just told him he was on a wait list for testing.  He proceeds to tell me about his nephew who is suspected to have Autism and about how hard it must be.  He tells me how his nephew does not show emotion or want anything to do with others.  He tells me that how Miles is acting reminds him of his nephew....

Thanks guy... I guess... 

Still waiting and some days I think that is what they are going to say.  Other days I think that idea is far away.  Either way he is my sweet boy and I would not change anything about him.  I just want to help him be his best... as I do with any child.


 

My baby will be 4!

   In a few days my 'baby' will be 4-years-old.  It is hard to imagine and yet easy to remember how little he used to be.  I have seen so much developmental growth in him the last few weeks.  I have seen him do many things I have never seen him do and it makes him seem more like a 'normal' kid.

    Normal.  That is the thing.  I think about the term 'typical development' often because the term is often used when conversation is about Miles... more like the fact that he does not have typical development compared to his peers.  I often wonder if his delay was not in speech and communication if his quirks and other things he does would go unnoticed.  Since communication is important to us as a human race it marks Miles as odd in a way.  Since he is now marked as such all parts of his development is followed closely as well.  I don't really mind since I know the monitors mean well and they want Miles to be the best Miles he can be.  I still wonder sometimes.

 My point is this:  Miles has some sensory needs.  His sensory needs are met by putting things in his mouth.  Because he has this need there is concern about oral sensory needs, Miles perhaps has Autism.  I as his mother do not see a problem with his sesory needs... as a child I liked to chew on my barbies and ponies and put the baby doll bottles in my mouth. I chewed on my pencils and pens and even ate my erasers.... but either no one noticed because I did not have 'problems' no one cared.  Miles likes to chew rubbery toys the best and I know sometimes his knows better because I appear and his takes a toy car tire out of his mouth and hands it to me like I caught him.  Avery also chews on things and no one seems to care. 

I spend a lot of time at the preschool in both boys' classes.  Avery is the oldest kid in his class of 15 students and Miles is the youngest of his class of 4.  The boys are 17 months apart and all but 1 of the children in both classes combined have their birthdays between my kids' birthdays.  All children are different, however I do find myself comparing children, and sometimes I am glad that Miles' problems are not like some of the other kids.  Sometimes it is also nice to see that Miles seems to be just like some of the other kids as well. 

Miles may not have a verbal conversation with me, but he is a better listener than Avery by far.  When Avery was 4 and he started walking away from me and I told him to come back to where I was, I would have to get 'angry' before he would come back.  I have to tell Miles once or twice and he comes back.  He does not listen when I tell him not to climb up on things... but to me that makes him a normal kid.  Miles is a good sharer, he will not take a toy from you, he will make a trade for a toy he wants, wait his turn, and give you a toy.  He is generally happy, curious, observer and friendly.

I would not ask for anything different.  

 I wanted to share my mom's facebook post with every one.  I love you mom with all my heart.

 

Written by Nanina Hawk (my mom)

Always being ahead of my time 13 years ago on Feb 4th 2000 I didn't know February would become wear red for women. It make sense since it is the month for hearts. I also didn't know I had already had a minor heart attack December 27, 1999. Or that I was having a massive heart attack the morning of Feb 4th. A lot of things have changed in those 13 years. Most of all knowledge, that symptoms for women can be and are different then men. I was 39 years old, not over weight, and no clinician would just look at me and think heart attack. It was missed, twice, and sadly because time is of the essence in a heart attack, part of my lower heart died that day.

I can still remember after four days in the hospital going home and trying to unload the dishwasher. Putting one plate away having to sit down. Thinking to myself, if this is going to be my life I don't want to live this way. People around me not understanding, because I looked pretty normal on the outside. But I would never be the same again.

I did start to feel better, it took about year, after six weeks I went back to work and by Friday I would be wiped out for the weekends. Blood thinners, weekly blood test, anxiety, is this pain to be ignored or is it serious. Walking into unknown waters, this medication they give you slows down your heart, zaps your energy. That pain is your heart creating scar tissue. You now have depression, is it any wonder?

In the first year, a woman thanked me because she was having abnormal symptoms and I told her go in and have them to an EKG. She was having a heart attack and received early treatment with no damage to her heart. Although I also told many to do the same and they weren't.

The first wear red for women day fell on Feb 4, 2003 and you would have thought they did it just for me. Three years post heart attack for me. In those three years everyone had been talking about women and heart attacks, I thought if only, they had been before. It could have saved my heart from damage. Then I realized I was a part of all the women before who helped bring this to the forefront, to bring this to the news. That is why it is important to me. If I can't have the energy to run and do the things I want to do with my grandchildren, or the energy somedays just to do what I want. At least I know I helped get it out there.

When I think of what I would have missed as in graduation, weddings, grandchildren and just love. I'm so grateful for the outcome 13 years ago. I have appreciated everyday of those 13 years, when I look back. How some things are better to let go of they aren't as important as you think. Others you hold near and dear to heart because they are more important than you will ever know. Happy number 13 to me today!