Four years ago in October was when Miles was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. He was 4 and a half at the time and with that diagnosis it helped open up some possibilities for therapy. One of those therapies being ABA or Applied Behavioral Analysis. ABA is designed to reward desired behaviors and change unwanted behaviors by rewarding wanted behaviors. We were able to get Miles is right away and he started right after Thanksgiving. I remember because I did all my Christmas shopping that year while he was at therapy and Avery was a school.
When he started therapy was 2 hours a day for 5 days a week. He also had pre-school 4 days a week for 3 hours and speech therapy on Fridays for 30 mins. It was a lot but it was going well. The next year he went to full day Kindergarten so I changed the schedule for after school and wanted to have him go three days a week because the family went to the recreation center Tuesday and Thursday nights and I didn't want to change that. So then he was doing 2 hours for 3 days a week, full day Kindergarten and 45min speech therapy Wednesday mornings. Yes, a very busy kiddo, but he was handling it great.
Next move was the therapy place changing the Friday session to only an hour. This was because they didn't want the employees there of Friday later than 5:30p.m. Sure. Then later the sessions were switched to 1 and a half hours with no explanation and them asking ME why I couldn't make the Friday session until 6:00PM. Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 4:30 - 6, has been the schedule for over a year now. This includes the summer, even though I expressed the want to increase hours.
SO this brings me to present day. We have only 3 more sessions and then there will be no more ABA therapy. 4 years after he started. Why? Because I refused to be bullied into a "mandatory 10 hours per week" schedule. A schedule that would require me to pick up my child every day from school 30mins early, or bring him an hour late, or have him miss 3 hours of school.... EVERY DAY! I said no. Miles is doing great in school. They work on the same things ABA was working on. And I couldn't do. Why would I take my child out of school so they could work on him dressing himself and washing hands for 2 hours every day? That is what he was working on. He head clinician even told me they had no behavior goals to work on and that they would just work on functional things.... um no. Not to mention how much I pay out of pocket for ABA. I can make my child wash his hands for two hours for free... thank you very much.
It was really hard for me to decide. Here was my internal struggle:
I really don't want to drive there every f* day. 30mins there and 30 mins home. I don't get home until 6:30 every day three days out of the week already and I hate it. But people commute farther to work every day. But I'm not going to work... I don't get paid... actually I pay them... what was it when I figured it out with the case worker? Oh, yeah more than $900.00 a month... sh*t.
Wait though, this isn't about me. This is about my child. Does he need this therapy? Is it worth it to him? She said they don't have any ideas and we don't have any ideas about behaviors to work on. And if I do find a behavior and ask them they just say "That's odd, ok we will watch it" and then they just track how many times he does it with no real solution... or "how do we stop him from doing this?" .... I don't f* know, how bout you pay me behaviorist!
Also how can they tell me mandatory hours and tell my friends family "we have no hours"? I call BS.
See it was making me crazy.
Monday, November 20, 2017
Wednesday, September 20, 2017
Being a mom is tough
It has been awhile since I have written. I have a lot to say so I decided to do it this way.
Being a mom is tough. It helps when you have a village to help you. You know, friends neighbors, teachers ect. When you have a child with special needs your village grows. It can be a great and wonderful thing. More people to support you, more people to help your child grow, more people who help you be excited about the small things. However, the more people involved, the more it can seem overwhelming, the phrase "too many cooks in the kitchen" comes to mind.
Even with this expanded village the child's parents have the first and final say on all regards to the child. This is where my rant begins.
Miles has been using a tablet with a communication program for about 1½ years now (I think my math is correct). He is still learning how to uses it because sometimes skills can take him awhile to learn (plus he is stubborn). It was decided to get it so he could be on the same communication page with school, home and all this therapy. For most things we are on the same page and it great.
The problem is ABA therapy (Applied Behavioral Analysis). The person who is in charge of his programs has be butting heads with me and the speech therapist for months now. She thinks the talker should be set up a certain way, different than how it is set up EVERYWHERE else. She thinks she is making it easier for him.... She agrees everything should be the same and uniform but HER way.
THIS IS MY CHILD'S VOICE!!!!!!!
Her actions, her insisting, and now and email she sent to speech therapy really has me sitting on the line to take me child out. She told the therapist she wanted the talker a certain way, that she wanted speech to do it the same way and for them to tell me to do it that way too. HELL NO! That is not how this works. (P.S. I just had to stop typing to answer a call from ABA, he session is cancelled tonight, oh well)
The best attitude to have for a special needs child, or really any child, is knowing what challenges they have, but focussing on the stuff they are capable of. Most of Miles' village believe he is capable of so much, more than he shows us. I love them for that. This is why I am frustrated with ABA. The way she wants the talker is like her telling me that she doesn't believe in his ability to communicate. That she is focused on what parts he doesn't use instead of what he does use.
Being a mom is tough. It helps when you have a village to help you. You know, friends neighbors, teachers ect. When you have a child with special needs your village grows. It can be a great and wonderful thing. More people to support you, more people to help your child grow, more people who help you be excited about the small things. However, the more people involved, the more it can seem overwhelming, the phrase "too many cooks in the kitchen" comes to mind.
Even with this expanded village the child's parents have the first and final say on all regards to the child. This is where my rant begins.
Miles has been using a tablet with a communication program for about 1½ years now (I think my math is correct). He is still learning how to uses it because sometimes skills can take him awhile to learn (plus he is stubborn). It was decided to get it so he could be on the same communication page with school, home and all this therapy. For most things we are on the same page and it great.
The problem is ABA therapy (Applied Behavioral Analysis). The person who is in charge of his programs has be butting heads with me and the speech therapist for months now. She thinks the talker should be set up a certain way, different than how it is set up EVERYWHERE else. She thinks she is making it easier for him.... She agrees everything should be the same and uniform but HER way.
THIS IS MY CHILD'S VOICE!!!!!!!
Her actions, her insisting, and now and email she sent to speech therapy really has me sitting on the line to take me child out. She told the therapist she wanted the talker a certain way, that she wanted speech to do it the same way and for them to tell me to do it that way too. HELL NO! That is not how this works. (P.S. I just had to stop typing to answer a call from ABA, he session is cancelled tonight, oh well)
The best attitude to have for a special needs child, or really any child, is knowing what challenges they have, but focussing on the stuff they are capable of. Most of Miles' village believe he is capable of so much, more than he shows us. I love them for that. This is why I am frustrated with ABA. The way she wants the talker is like her telling me that she doesn't believe in his ability to communicate. That she is focused on what parts he doesn't use instead of what he does use.
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
Not again, and I hope it never happens to you.
Seriously! I don't understand people.
I have written about this before and I will probably have to write about it again.
My husband Andrew is a brain injury survivor. He had a stroke and other brain injury complications from a car accident. He has recovered way past what we have been told what to expect. He tries hard not to let it keep him back and not to use it for any excuse.
But it is there.... and people are jerks. It doesn't matter if you forgot or don't know people are still jerks.
He is a little bit slow, and he hates that. He hates when people make him feel stupid.... because he is not.
He sometimes needs more explanation or for you to repeat it, but not because of what you said, but just for him so he can understand it. And sometimes he forgot what you said or if you answered his question. That is brain injury. You can never be 100% better.
If he asks you a question to clarify, he is not being rude; even if it comes across that way
His brain thinks either on multiple broken tracks or on one straight track that is ridged and makes since and never changes. If he asks he is not questioning you or how you do it in hopes that you change it, or do it his way: you just set up a road block in his brain and he is only trying to make it make sense. Be kind, have patience, explain it and know it still might not make sense..... he may ask again until it makes does. You should not be that way only to him, but to everyone. You would want them to be that way with you, your spouse, your children, your parents....
If you think I am talking about you, you are right. I am talking to EVERYONE. Every person that reads this, every person who wants to talk about this. I hope you or your loves ones never have a severe brain injury, and if they do I hope they can have a phenomenal recovery.... and I hope everyone including you treats them with the respect they deserve.
I have written about this before and I will probably have to write about it again.
My husband Andrew is a brain injury survivor. He had a stroke and other brain injury complications from a car accident. He has recovered way past what we have been told what to expect. He tries hard not to let it keep him back and not to use it for any excuse.
But it is there.... and people are jerks. It doesn't matter if you forgot or don't know people are still jerks.
He is a little bit slow, and he hates that. He hates when people make him feel stupid.... because he is not.
He sometimes needs more explanation or for you to repeat it, but not because of what you said, but just for him so he can understand it. And sometimes he forgot what you said or if you answered his question. That is brain injury. You can never be 100% better.
If he asks you a question to clarify, he is not being rude; even if it comes across that way
His brain thinks either on multiple broken tracks or on one straight track that is ridged and makes since and never changes. If he asks he is not questioning you or how you do it in hopes that you change it, or do it his way: you just set up a road block in his brain and he is only trying to make it make sense. Be kind, have patience, explain it and know it still might not make sense..... he may ask again until it makes does. You should not be that way only to him, but to everyone. You would want them to be that way with you, your spouse, your children, your parents....
If you think I am talking about you, you are right. I am talking to EVERYONE. Every person that reads this, every person who wants to talk about this. I hope you or your loves ones never have a severe brain injury, and if they do I hope they can have a phenomenal recovery.... and I hope everyone including you treats them with the respect they deserve.
Not again, and I hope it never happens to you.
Seriously! I don't understand people.
I have written about this before and I will probably have to write about it again.
My husband Andrew is a brain injury survivor. He had a stroke and other brain injury complications from a car accident. He has recovered way past what we have been told what to expect. He tries hard not to let it keep him back and not to use it for any excuse.
But it is there.... and people are jerks. It doesn't matter if you forgot or don't know people are still jerks.
He is a little bit slow, and he hates that. He hates when people make him feel stupid.... because he is not.
He sometimes needs more explanation or for you to repeat it, but not because of what you said, but just for him so he can understand it. And sometimes he forgot what you said or if you answered his question. That is brain injury. You can never be 100% better.
If he asks you a question to clarify, he is not being rude; even if it comes across that way
His brain thinks either on multiple broken tracks or on one straight track that is ridged and makes since and never changes. If he asks he is not questioning you or how you do it in hopes that you change it, or do it his way: you just set up a road block in his brain and he is only trying to make it make sense. Be kind, have patience, explain it and know it still might not make sense..... he may ask again until it makes does. You should not be that way only to him, but to everyone. You would want them to be that way with you, your spouse, your children, your parents....
If you think I am talking about you, you are right. I am talking to EVERYONE. Every person that reads this, every person who wants to talk about this. I hope you or your loves ones never have a severe brain injury, and if they do I hope they can have a phenomenal recovery.... and I hope everyone including you treats them with the respect they deserve.
I have written about this before and I will probably have to write about it again.
My husband Andrew is a brain injury survivor. He had a stroke and other brain injury complications from a car accident. He has recovered way past what we have been told what to expect. He tries hard not to let it keep him back and not to use it for any excuse.
But it is there.... and people are jerks. It doesn't matter if you forgot or don't know people are still jerks.
He is a little bit slow, and he hates that. He hates when people make him feel stupid.... because he is not.
He sometimes needs more explanation or for you to repeat it, but not because of what you said, but just for him so he can understand it. And sometimes he forgot what you said or if you answered his question. That is brain injury. You can never be 100% better.
If he asks you a question to clarify, he is not being rude; even if it comes across that way
His brain thinks either on multiple broken tracks or on one straight track that is ridged and makes since and never changes. If he asks he is not questioning you or how you do it in hopes that you change it, or do it his way: you just set up a road block in his brain and he is only trying to make it make sense. Be kind, have patience, explain it and know it still might not make sense..... he may ask again until it makes does. You should not be that way only to him, but to everyone. You would want them to be that way with you, your spouse, your children, your parents....
If you think I am talking about you, you are right. I am talking to EVERYONE. Every person that reads this, every person who wants to talk about this. I hope you or your loves ones never have a severe brain injury, and if they do I hope they can have a phenomenal recovery.... and I hope everyone including you treats them with the respect they deserve.
Sunday, October 30, 2016
Fitting in
For a few months I have been feeling pretty bitter about life, about petty things. Or maybe I just tell myself they are petty so they don't bother me as much.
Some of what I have been feeling has gone on for years, and just resurfaces from time toto time. Other aspects, and probably why I have been bitter and angry are new.
One of the things is feeling like I don't fit in. I also believe in being unique, so this is a huge struggle for me. I think it is natural to want to fit in somewhere.
At times I do fit, mostly I feel like I don't. Instead of being inspired I feel jealous and helpless. Every one says women should help build each other up and sometimes theses very women are the ones bringing me down. Most the time I am sure they don't know, I am sure they don't know I wish I had some aspect of their life, I don't have. But all this is besides the point and probably a different story.
I don't know why I really feel like I don't fit in most the time. I often wonder if people see me how I think they see me.
I miss when Avery was in Kindergarten. The parents all met at pickup and I got to know a lot of them and befriend them. The next year they all moved to the back of the school for pickup and I was still at Kindergarten because I was now picking up Miles. At first I felt left out, I didn't get to talk to the same people. I finally opened up and met new parents. The next year I was picking up Miles with 1st grade and got to talk to the same parents.
This year they bring Miles out by 1st grade, so I don't feel like I get to talk to any of the parent friends I have made. It took me until recently to accept this. Not sure why it was so hard to move past it.
The other thing that has been difficult for me is many of the parents I talked to in Avery's grade back in Kindergarten, have all seemed to form a tight friendship. I am always wondering if I lost out the following year, because I was not at pickup? Did I miss out from lack of trying? Was I too busy with Miles and therapy? Did they just assume I was too busy? Or even though they are nice to me, do they just not like me? Also conflicting because most the time **** I don't care if they like me or not, because I am me and I will not change for them. But from time to time it really pisses me off. And at the same time if things changed and I was accepted I will still feel like I don't fit because I am not like them. I will be too busy and I won't have the time or effort to take care of me how I am.
I also feel like I don't fit in because my child with special needs. Everyone loves Miles, but he is different, we have to do things differently, therefore are we not included? Maybe. Are we included to things? Yes sometimes and every time we try it.
My biggest fear is that Avery is not included because of Miles. I strongly believe Avery should do things with and without Miles.
I do feel included in a small support team of other autism parents. Without them I would be insane. We all have a hard time caring for ourselves and need each other. But we are also busy.
Sorry, I am super upset tonight and can't sleep. My ramblings may or may not make sense.
P.S. I am writing to change me, not you.
Some of what I have been feeling has gone on for years, and just resurfaces from time toto time. Other aspects, and probably why I have been bitter and angry are new.
One of the things is feeling like I don't fit in. I also believe in being unique, so this is a huge struggle for me. I think it is natural to want to fit in somewhere.
At times I do fit, mostly I feel like I don't. Instead of being inspired I feel jealous and helpless. Every one says women should help build each other up and sometimes theses very women are the ones bringing me down. Most the time I am sure they don't know, I am sure they don't know I wish I had some aspect of their life, I don't have. But all this is besides the point and probably a different story.
I don't know why I really feel like I don't fit in most the time. I often wonder if people see me how I think they see me.
I miss when Avery was in Kindergarten. The parents all met at pickup and I got to know a lot of them and befriend them. The next year they all moved to the back of the school for pickup and I was still at Kindergarten because I was now picking up Miles. At first I felt left out, I didn't get to talk to the same people. I finally opened up and met new parents. The next year I was picking up Miles with 1st grade and got to talk to the same parents.
This year they bring Miles out by 1st grade, so I don't feel like I get to talk to any of the parent friends I have made. It took me until recently to accept this. Not sure why it was so hard to move past it.
The other thing that has been difficult for me is many of the parents I talked to in Avery's grade back in Kindergarten, have all seemed to form a tight friendship. I am always wondering if I lost out the following year, because I was not at pickup? Did I miss out from lack of trying? Was I too busy with Miles and therapy? Did they just assume I was too busy? Or even though they are nice to me, do they just not like me? Also conflicting because most the time **** I don't care if they like me or not, because I am me and I will not change for them. But from time to time it really pisses me off. And at the same time if things changed and I was accepted I will still feel like I don't fit because I am not like them. I will be too busy and I won't have the time or effort to take care of me how I am.
I also feel like I don't fit in because my child with special needs. Everyone loves Miles, but he is different, we have to do things differently, therefore are we not included? Maybe. Are we included to things? Yes sometimes and every time we try it.
My biggest fear is that Avery is not included because of Miles. I strongly believe Avery should do things with and without Miles.
I do feel included in a small support team of other autism parents. Without them I would be insane. We all have a hard time caring for ourselves and need each other. But we are also busy.
Sorry, I am super upset tonight and can't sleep. My ramblings may or may not make sense.
P.S. I am writing to change me, not you.
Friday, May 6, 2016
6 years after
In 5 days it will be 6 years since Andrew's accident. Around this time of year I always have waves of mixed emotions. Remembering bits and pieces if that time, when it happened and all the progress and rehabilitation. Thinking of how things are today and what things could have happened v.s. what has happened.
I had actually wanted to write this post in March but I was very busy. I wanted to write this in March because March was TBI Awareness Month.
Five days after Andrew had been hit head-on by a distracted driver he was still in a medically induced coma. Five days after the accident I was graduating from college. I only 'walked' because when I debated whether I was going to he told me I needed to, that I had worked hard to finish.
While listening to graduation speeches my phone rang. I knew it was the hospital so I answered. A nurse has noticed something funny with Andrew's eye so they took him for a CT scan. He had fluid on the brain and had many little mini strokes. They were asking my permission to place a monitor in his head to watch the fluid.
The CT showed mini strokes caused by fat embolisms and also some trauma from the accident. There was no way to know how this damage would affect him if and when he would wake up. He was very slow to wake from the coma. We were told his outcome didn't look good many times starting with he may never come to or he may need long term care. In fact the day he 'woke up' his parents and I had an appointment to look at a long-term care facility.
When he first woke his short term memory was horrible and long term memory was gapped and jumbled. He still was hospitalized could not get out of bed, feed himself, walk, and do self care. With therapies and medical intervention ( and tremendous will power) he has proven most predictions wrong.
Fast forward to today. This is why I even want to write. Andrew's recovery is remarkable beyond what we were told to expect. Many people meeting him the 1st 2nd or more might not even realize he has a brain injury. His brain did a great rewiring. He is very close to who is was before the accident..... but he is not.....
More and more lately the 'what he was and now is' has been getting to me. I see it a lot; with strangers and acquaintances. His brain takes longer to process. Longer to take in information and longer to get his thoughts out. People don't have the patience to wait for him, people are rude and only because is is a little slower. He is not slow enough for people to realize what is going on and just slow enough to annoy them in their fast paced world.
I have been thinking about this after several comments about how much patience I have with him. Most the time I am patience is something I am good at. But to be honest I am not always this way. I have to try really hard with him. Often times he still doesn't remember thing, things Ihave said, things he has already toltold me. Many times I get annoyed and even a little pissed that he forgot what I said. I have to remind myself that he was most likely listening but doesn't remember and sometimes it is the 3rd time I have told him.
His brain injury also has trained him to do things in specific ways, to find what works for him over and over. People that don't understand think what not does is ridiculous. They don't understand.
I guess there is good and bad things about how well he has recovered.
I leave this long post reminding you not to be on your phone while driving. It is not worth it.
I had actually wanted to write this post in March but I was very busy. I wanted to write this in March because March was TBI Awareness Month.
Five days after Andrew had been hit head-on by a distracted driver he was still in a medically induced coma. Five days after the accident I was graduating from college. I only 'walked' because when I debated whether I was going to he told me I needed to, that I had worked hard to finish.
While listening to graduation speeches my phone rang. I knew it was the hospital so I answered. A nurse has noticed something funny with Andrew's eye so they took him for a CT scan. He had fluid on the brain and had many little mini strokes. They were asking my permission to place a monitor in his head to watch the fluid.
The CT showed mini strokes caused by fat embolisms and also some trauma from the accident. There was no way to know how this damage would affect him if and when he would wake up. He was very slow to wake from the coma. We were told his outcome didn't look good many times starting with he may never come to or he may need long term care. In fact the day he 'woke up' his parents and I had an appointment to look at a long-term care facility.
When he first woke his short term memory was horrible and long term memory was gapped and jumbled. He still was hospitalized could not get out of bed, feed himself, walk, and do self care. With therapies and medical intervention ( and tremendous will power) he has proven most predictions wrong.
Fast forward to today. This is why I even want to write. Andrew's recovery is remarkable beyond what we were told to expect. Many people meeting him the 1st 2nd or more might not even realize he has a brain injury. His brain did a great rewiring. He is very close to who is was before the accident..... but he is not.....
More and more lately the 'what he was and now is' has been getting to me. I see it a lot; with strangers and acquaintances. His brain takes longer to process. Longer to take in information and longer to get his thoughts out. People don't have the patience to wait for him, people are rude and only because is is a little slower. He is not slow enough for people to realize what is going on and just slow enough to annoy them in their fast paced world.
I have been thinking about this after several comments about how much patience I have with him. Most the time I am patience is something I am good at. But to be honest I am not always this way. I have to try really hard with him. Often times he still doesn't remember thing, things Ihave said, things he has already toltold me. Many times I get annoyed and even a little pissed that he forgot what I said. I have to remind myself that he was most likely listening but doesn't remember and sometimes it is the 3rd time I have told him.
His brain injury also has trained him to do things in specific ways, to find what works for him over and over. People that don't understand think what not does is ridiculous. They don't understand.
I guess there is good and bad things about how well he has recovered.
I leave this long post reminding you not to be on your phone while driving. It is not worth it.
Friday, April 29, 2016
Why I don't 'like' the video of the boy at the concert.
There is a video going around the internet of a little boy with autism crying at a Coldplay concert.
When I first saw the video I thought 'wow, how sweet' and I may have 'liked' the video on a page or two.
However like most feel good stories about people with autism multiple people started taging me or posting it to my page. It is not that I don't like feel good stories or stories about Autism..... but you see if you have seen it I have seen if on 4 different sites I follow and then some.
Ok back to the little boy seeing Coldplay live. After the video was posted to my wall 5 times.... yes 5.... I took the message as 'look, here is a child like your child. You have a child with autism like this boy.' So I watched it again looking at this boy as if he were mine and I didn't like it. Not because I am not really a Coldplay fan or anything. If I knew Miles loved Coldplay and wanted to see them I would take him.
When most people see the look on the boy's face they see his pure emotion. What I see is the start of sensory overload. I start to feel anxious looking at this boy. I am waiting for him to completely loose it, have a meltdown and try to run away. "But he loves Coldplay!" you tell me. Yes he does, I can see that too. I don't know this little boy. He may have more control than mine. Maybe his dad hugging him and singing to him helps him regulate.
I see a look I have seen on Miles before, but usually it doesn't go so well for Miles. One example is Miles' love for the movie Cars. One day he handed me the movie and I started it in the DVD player. The movie started and he got excited, beyond excited, like it was the best thing in the world. All of the sudden he pure joy turned into crying, but looked 'joyous'. Then he lost it! Started melting down, jumping screaming, hitting himself on the head. He could not regulate his emotions and looked scared. I turned it off and calmed him down.
When I first saw the video I thought 'wow, how sweet' and I may have 'liked' the video on a page or two.
However like most feel good stories about people with autism multiple people started taging me or posting it to my page. It is not that I don't like feel good stories or stories about Autism..... but you see if you have seen it I have seen if on 4 different sites I follow and then some.
Ok back to the little boy seeing Coldplay live. After the video was posted to my wall 5 times.... yes 5.... I took the message as 'look, here is a child like your child. You have a child with autism like this boy.' So I watched it again looking at this boy as if he were mine and I didn't like it. Not because I am not really a Coldplay fan or anything. If I knew Miles loved Coldplay and wanted to see them I would take him.
When most people see the look on the boy's face they see his pure emotion. What I see is the start of sensory overload. I start to feel anxious looking at this boy. I am waiting for him to completely loose it, have a meltdown and try to run away. "But he loves Coldplay!" you tell me. Yes he does, I can see that too. I don't know this little boy. He may have more control than mine. Maybe his dad hugging him and singing to him helps him regulate.
I see a look I have seen on Miles before, but usually it doesn't go so well for Miles. One example is Miles' love for the movie Cars. One day he handed me the movie and I started it in the DVD player. The movie started and he got excited, beyond excited, like it was the best thing in the world. All of the sudden he pure joy turned into crying, but looked 'joyous'. Then he lost it! Started melting down, jumping screaming, hitting himself on the head. He could not regulate his emotions and looked scared. I turned it off and calmed him down.
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Welcome Nolan!
**** This story will talk about my going into labor and birth. If you don't want to know that, don't read this.
October 9, 2015 was the day my 3rd baby boy entered the world. Believe me when I say every pregnancy and every birth is a different experience. I was slightly nervous as the time was approaching for Nolan to be born. With Avery my water broke at 7:30 a.m. and he was born at 7:58 p.m.; 8 days before he was due. With Miles I was induced because of high blood pressure 4 or 5 days before his due date. I went in to the hospital and started induction at 8:00 p.m. and he arrived at 8:56 a.m. the next day.
My pregnancy with Nolan was my easiest. I was in the best shape and more active than in my other two pregnancies. My blood pressure was good, I didn't get super swollen (like I did with Avery) and I had only gained a total of 23lbs. I felt pretty good most the time until I got to my 39th week. To tell the rest of the story I have decided to make it more of a time line so that I can keep it straight.
Friday October 2, 2015: I was 39 weeks pregnant. I was for sure thinking I would not really make it this far. I was one day past the time Avery was born. I decided at my appointment that day to have the midwife check me to see how dilated my cervix was; if it was at all. She reported that I was already 4cm dilated and 75% effaced. She also mentioned that his head was also in the -1 position, meaning that his head was close to my cervix. That was further dilated than I was when I started inducing labor with Miles and almost as dilated when I got to the hospital after my water broke with Avery. The midwife guessed that I would probably give birth that weekend or early the next week.
Friday October 9, 2015: I had made it to 40 weeks and the actual due date. As I mentioned earlier I started feeling horrible. Everyday I kept thinking it had to be the day. I was having contractions, but nothing regular. If they started to seem regular for a certain amount of time then they would just stop and I would not have any more for hours or even until the next day. Every night I would go to bed thinking I would be woken up by labor... but nothing.
1:30 p.m. : I had my appointment. I asked the midwife to check and see how much I had progressed in dilatation. She reported that I was now at a 4 1/2 - 5 cm and 80% effaced. The baby's head was now at position 0, basically meaning in birthing position. I was a little disappointed. She offered to "strip my membranes" because sometimes that can help bring on labor. Basically it just thins the cervix more. She told me there could be some mild cramping for a few hours after she did this and maybe a little blood. We went home.
9:00 p.m. : We had continued our Friday night like any other night. We ordered dinner and did our thing and had our normal routines. Andrew was helping Avery brush his teeth and I grabbed my big maternity pillow to lay down with Miles in his bed. I placed the pillow on his bed and Miles decided it was the perfect place to lay in the groove of the pillow. He looked pretty sleepy, like he was just going to go to sleep. At that moment I felt a little cramping and decided I needed to go use the bathroom. I told Miles I would be right back and I started down the hall to the master bathroom. I started to feel very uncomfortable but made it to the bathroom. I continued to feel some cramping and saw blood. Even though it was hours after my appointment I kind of thought this was what Lindsey (my midwife) had been talking about.
9:30 p.m. : I still had not returned to the boys' bedroom. I didn't hear Miles so I figured he actually went to sleep (he did) and I could hear Andrew reading to Avery. I sent a text to him telling him I was having bad cramping and bleeding. There was no way I could walk back down the hall and I didn't want to scare Avery. The cramping had me crying at this point. Just like I had first thought, Andrew text me back saying 'Lindsey said this might happen'. I was a little annoyed but couldn't think straight enough to try to explain that I didn't think that was what was going on. I decided to get into the shower to try to help the pain. At first it made me feel better and relaxed. However after awhile the shower was not helping and I realized that I was in fact in very active labor. I stopped the shower and tried to lay down on my bed. At this point the contractions/ cramping would not stop. I was like one giant contraction with maybe a few tiny breaks. I started to panic and forgot how to do relaxing breathing and ended up vomiting dinner.
10:00 p.m. : Once I remembered how to do relaxing breathing I grab my phone I texted ' I need you to call the hospital right now!' Andrew comes in to ask me questions and is calling the hospital. Because it was after hours, an answering service answered the phone. The person on the phone asks Andrew how far apart my contractions are. He tells them he just walked into the room and does not know. I am screaming and crying and I hope the 'idiot' on the phone can hear me. He tells them that I just need to get to the hospital. There were a few things that needed to be repacked into hospital bags and Andrew went to get my mom from downstairs. She helped me get dressed since I could not do it myself and then helped me to the car.
10:30 p.m. : The contractions were pretty bad at this point and I don't really remember the drive to the hospital. I did of course notice the left hand turn at the red arrow Andrew made, but I don't care. After 9:00 pm you need to go to the ER to get into the hospital. Andrew pulled into the loading zone, turned on the flashers, and got me a wheelchair.
11:00 p.m.: It was around 11:00 when we arrived at the hospital. The security guards were trying to make jokes with us and the front desk was calling to have someone come wheel me to the 5th floor. At this point I was having a little bit of relief with contractions... or maybe I was just trying to ignore the guards. I seemed to take forever for someone to come get me. Andrew tells me it was at least 15 to 20 mins before we got upstairs.
(We will say it was) 11:20 p.m.: The put me into a triage room. The lady who wheels me in tells me to leave a urine sample and put on a gown. I think that is stupid but head to the bathroom as the lady leaves. No cup or gown in the bathroom... Lindsey (midwife) comes in to the room with a nurse and Andrew tells her about the cup and the gown; also he needs to move the van from the loading zone and leaves to do so. I go into the bathroom and a big contraction comes that makes me scream. I can't even sit down. The nurse comes running in followed by Lindsey and they help me undress from the waist down, throw a gown on me and as fast as they can get me on to a bed. Lindsey checks to see how much I am dilated. "Oh my gosh! You are 9 1/2 cm!" she exclaims. "We need to get her to a room." she tells the other people in the room "9 1/2 cm and bulging bag of water." she tells them. They wheel the bed out of the room, no time to try to get me up and move me. They swap out the triage bed I am on with the birthing bed. Lindsey tells me she hopes Andrew gets back upstairs in time. They barley have time to put an iv in me and ask some questions that are standard to be admitted.
11:40 p.m.: Andrew walks into the room around them time Lindsey tells me to push a little. With one push my water breaks. Then the news that there is meconium in the fluid meaning that Nolan had his first bowl movement in utero and that there would be protocol when he was born.
11:55 p.m.: Nolan makes his way into the world. The put him on top of me and then he started to cry. Since he started to cry they needed to suction his lungs right away so that the meconium would not be in his lungs. Lindsey cut the umbilical cord and they took him over to be suctioned. This was the hardest part. I didn't get to hold him at first. I could see him though. He had a very thick umbilical cord and a very large placenta. I got to hold him and then feed him. They took him back to weigh him. He was 10lbs 1.6oz and 22.5 inches long.
When I had Miles they told me my next one could be a 10lb baby, so I guess even though I thought he would not be that big I was not truly shocked. The 22.5 inches though... I don't think I will ever get over that!
October 9, 2015 was the day my 3rd baby boy entered the world. Believe me when I say every pregnancy and every birth is a different experience. I was slightly nervous as the time was approaching for Nolan to be born. With Avery my water broke at 7:30 a.m. and he was born at 7:58 p.m.; 8 days before he was due. With Miles I was induced because of high blood pressure 4 or 5 days before his due date. I went in to the hospital and started induction at 8:00 p.m. and he arrived at 8:56 a.m. the next day.
My pregnancy with Nolan was my easiest. I was in the best shape and more active than in my other two pregnancies. My blood pressure was good, I didn't get super swollen (like I did with Avery) and I had only gained a total of 23lbs. I felt pretty good most the time until I got to my 39th week. To tell the rest of the story I have decided to make it more of a time line so that I can keep it straight.
Friday October 2, 2015: I was 39 weeks pregnant. I was for sure thinking I would not really make it this far. I was one day past the time Avery was born. I decided at my appointment that day to have the midwife check me to see how dilated my cervix was; if it was at all. She reported that I was already 4cm dilated and 75% effaced. She also mentioned that his head was also in the -1 position, meaning that his head was close to my cervix. That was further dilated than I was when I started inducing labor with Miles and almost as dilated when I got to the hospital after my water broke with Avery. The midwife guessed that I would probably give birth that weekend or early the next week.
Friday October 9, 2015: I had made it to 40 weeks and the actual due date. As I mentioned earlier I started feeling horrible. Everyday I kept thinking it had to be the day. I was having contractions, but nothing regular. If they started to seem regular for a certain amount of time then they would just stop and I would not have any more for hours or even until the next day. Every night I would go to bed thinking I would be woken up by labor... but nothing.
1:30 p.m. : I had my appointment. I asked the midwife to check and see how much I had progressed in dilatation. She reported that I was now at a 4 1/2 - 5 cm and 80% effaced. The baby's head was now at position 0, basically meaning in birthing position. I was a little disappointed. She offered to "strip my membranes" because sometimes that can help bring on labor. Basically it just thins the cervix more. She told me there could be some mild cramping for a few hours after she did this and maybe a little blood. We went home.
9:00 p.m. : We had continued our Friday night like any other night. We ordered dinner and did our thing and had our normal routines. Andrew was helping Avery brush his teeth and I grabbed my big maternity pillow to lay down with Miles in his bed. I placed the pillow on his bed and Miles decided it was the perfect place to lay in the groove of the pillow. He looked pretty sleepy, like he was just going to go to sleep. At that moment I felt a little cramping and decided I needed to go use the bathroom. I told Miles I would be right back and I started down the hall to the master bathroom. I started to feel very uncomfortable but made it to the bathroom. I continued to feel some cramping and saw blood. Even though it was hours after my appointment I kind of thought this was what Lindsey (my midwife) had been talking about.
9:30 p.m. : I still had not returned to the boys' bedroom. I didn't hear Miles so I figured he actually went to sleep (he did) and I could hear Andrew reading to Avery. I sent a text to him telling him I was having bad cramping and bleeding. There was no way I could walk back down the hall and I didn't want to scare Avery. The cramping had me crying at this point. Just like I had first thought, Andrew text me back saying 'Lindsey said this might happen'. I was a little annoyed but couldn't think straight enough to try to explain that I didn't think that was what was going on. I decided to get into the shower to try to help the pain. At first it made me feel better and relaxed. However after awhile the shower was not helping and I realized that I was in fact in very active labor. I stopped the shower and tried to lay down on my bed. At this point the contractions/ cramping would not stop. I was like one giant contraction with maybe a few tiny breaks. I started to panic and forgot how to do relaxing breathing and ended up vomiting dinner.
10:00 p.m. : Once I remembered how to do relaxing breathing I grab my phone I texted ' I need you to call the hospital right now!' Andrew comes in to ask me questions and is calling the hospital. Because it was after hours, an answering service answered the phone. The person on the phone asks Andrew how far apart my contractions are. He tells them he just walked into the room and does not know. I am screaming and crying and I hope the 'idiot' on the phone can hear me. He tells them that I just need to get to the hospital. There were a few things that needed to be repacked into hospital bags and Andrew went to get my mom from downstairs. She helped me get dressed since I could not do it myself and then helped me to the car.
10:30 p.m. : The contractions were pretty bad at this point and I don't really remember the drive to the hospital. I did of course notice the left hand turn at the red arrow Andrew made, but I don't care. After 9:00 pm you need to go to the ER to get into the hospital. Andrew pulled into the loading zone, turned on the flashers, and got me a wheelchair.
11:00 p.m.: It was around 11:00 when we arrived at the hospital. The security guards were trying to make jokes with us and the front desk was calling to have someone come wheel me to the 5th floor. At this point I was having a little bit of relief with contractions... or maybe I was just trying to ignore the guards. I seemed to take forever for someone to come get me. Andrew tells me it was at least 15 to 20 mins before we got upstairs.
(We will say it was) 11:20 p.m.: The put me into a triage room. The lady who wheels me in tells me to leave a urine sample and put on a gown. I think that is stupid but head to the bathroom as the lady leaves. No cup or gown in the bathroom... Lindsey (midwife) comes in to the room with a nurse and Andrew tells her about the cup and the gown; also he needs to move the van from the loading zone and leaves to do so. I go into the bathroom and a big contraction comes that makes me scream. I can't even sit down. The nurse comes running in followed by Lindsey and they help me undress from the waist down, throw a gown on me and as fast as they can get me on to a bed. Lindsey checks to see how much I am dilated. "Oh my gosh! You are 9 1/2 cm!" she exclaims. "We need to get her to a room." she tells the other people in the room "9 1/2 cm and bulging bag of water." she tells them. They wheel the bed out of the room, no time to try to get me up and move me. They swap out the triage bed I am on with the birthing bed. Lindsey tells me she hopes Andrew gets back upstairs in time. They barley have time to put an iv in me and ask some questions that are standard to be admitted.
11:40 p.m.: Andrew walks into the room around them time Lindsey tells me to push a little. With one push my water breaks. Then the news that there is meconium in the fluid meaning that Nolan had his first bowl movement in utero and that there would be protocol when he was born.
11:55 p.m.: Nolan makes his way into the world. The put him on top of me and then he started to cry. Since he started to cry they needed to suction his lungs right away so that the meconium would not be in his lungs. Lindsey cut the umbilical cord and they took him over to be suctioned. This was the hardest part. I didn't get to hold him at first. I could see him though. He had a very thick umbilical cord and a very large placenta. I got to hold him and then feed him. They took him back to weigh him. He was 10lbs 1.6oz and 22.5 inches long.
When I had Miles they told me my next one could be a 10lb baby, so I guess even though I thought he would not be that big I was not truly shocked. The 22.5 inches though... I don't think I will ever get over that!
Sunday, July 5, 2015
Ups and Downs of Autism
Having a child with autism is not easy, however I would not change Miles. Sure there are some things I wish he would do and other things I wish he would not do, but that does not mean I would change his having autism.
In the last couple of weeks I have seen so much growth, and not just the fact he has lost his 'baby look'. He has been listening more and following instructions. He even cleaned up a game when I told Avery it was time to clean up. He has shown he can be more independent in some situation in public. He has been attempting to dress himself, eat more with a fork and he starts getting a little mad when he can't do it right. He has been playing with peers during therapy and attempting to play with Avery more, including initiating play.
However then there is today, where I get reminded that even through the triumphs there is still so far to go. I could tell today that he needed to climb; that was his sensory need today. So we went to a playground were he could climb. He was doing great on his own going between the rock climbing wall and the play set. I could see him and was comfortable sitting in the shade and keeping my eye on him. I used to look like one of those crazy parents following him around so that he was in arms reach..... but he used to run.
At one point I saw him start to walk past the play set. I got up to start following him. I don't walk very fast right now and my pregnant self has begun to waddle. I started to see him walk towards people at some tables and noticed they probably have food. One thing we still are learning.... we can't just have anyone's food. I start to call to him to stop since that has been working, but this time no luck. I see they have bags of chips, but they all look closed so I did not feel I needed to be in a hurry. I get to the shelter where the tables are and I then see a woman get up and tell Miles to stop. Nice try lady... but then I see her grab him and manhandle him away from the table (probably because here is this 6-year-old acting like a toddler and not listening) and she is yelling at him. I see he got his had into what was maybe frosting on a giant cookie.
If she was not manhandling him like she was I probably would have gotten upset with Miles and apologized. Instead I found myself yelling 'get your hands off him! He has autism, he doesn't know!' Now I hate using autism as an excuse, but that is what it was. The woman looks shocked, lets his go and says "Sorry" I take Miles by the hand; at this point I am still not sorry that he touched her food. You don't touch my child like that. (She is lucky he is not a biter). As I walk away this guy that was at the table with her says "You should be watching him then!." I turn and say 'Thank you but I was, didn't you see me walking over here to get him? I didn't know you had something he really wanted over here.' To that he says "Yeah right, little brat!" And then I even surprised myself and turned back around and yelled at him 'shut the f*** up'. Now if you know me I don't drop 'F bombs' and especially not at a playground.
I return to where Andrew was and I start hyperventilating and crying uncontrollably. We stay at the playground, I am now being stared at.... until Miles is now having a meltdown and we go home.
To end on a good note: At home Avery is watching Star Wars Episode 6. Miles is next to me on the couch and I say out loud, " I bet Yoda is not happy with Luke's choice in clothes. Yoda is like ' You should not wear black like your father!' " and Miles starts cracking up. He has a good sense of humor.
In the last couple of weeks I have seen so much growth, and not just the fact he has lost his 'baby look'. He has been listening more and following instructions. He even cleaned up a game when I told Avery it was time to clean up. He has shown he can be more independent in some situation in public. He has been attempting to dress himself, eat more with a fork and he starts getting a little mad when he can't do it right. He has been playing with peers during therapy and attempting to play with Avery more, including initiating play.
However then there is today, where I get reminded that even through the triumphs there is still so far to go. I could tell today that he needed to climb; that was his sensory need today. So we went to a playground were he could climb. He was doing great on his own going between the rock climbing wall and the play set. I could see him and was comfortable sitting in the shade and keeping my eye on him. I used to look like one of those crazy parents following him around so that he was in arms reach..... but he used to run.
At one point I saw him start to walk past the play set. I got up to start following him. I don't walk very fast right now and my pregnant self has begun to waddle. I started to see him walk towards people at some tables and noticed they probably have food. One thing we still are learning.... we can't just have anyone's food. I start to call to him to stop since that has been working, but this time no luck. I see they have bags of chips, but they all look closed so I did not feel I needed to be in a hurry. I get to the shelter where the tables are and I then see a woman get up and tell Miles to stop. Nice try lady... but then I see her grab him and manhandle him away from the table (probably because here is this 6-year-old acting like a toddler and not listening) and she is yelling at him. I see he got his had into what was maybe frosting on a giant cookie.
If she was not manhandling him like she was I probably would have gotten upset with Miles and apologized. Instead I found myself yelling 'get your hands off him! He has autism, he doesn't know!' Now I hate using autism as an excuse, but that is what it was. The woman looks shocked, lets his go and says "Sorry" I take Miles by the hand; at this point I am still not sorry that he touched her food. You don't touch my child like that. (She is lucky he is not a biter). As I walk away this guy that was at the table with her says "You should be watching him then!." I turn and say 'Thank you but I was, didn't you see me walking over here to get him? I didn't know you had something he really wanted over here.' To that he says "Yeah right, little brat!" And then I even surprised myself and turned back around and yelled at him 'shut the f*** up'. Now if you know me I don't drop 'F bombs' and especially not at a playground.
I return to where Andrew was and I start hyperventilating and crying uncontrollably. We stay at the playground, I am now being stared at.... until Miles is now having a meltdown and we go home.
To end on a good note: At home Avery is watching Star Wars Episode 6. Miles is next to me on the couch and I say out loud, " I bet Yoda is not happy with Luke's choice in clothes. Yoda is like ' You should not wear black like your father!' " and Miles starts cracking up. He has a good sense of humor.
Saturday, January 24, 2015
A 6-year-old's party
Planning a party for someone turning 6 should not be too hard. I know I am probably thinking too hard about this.
With Miles' autism he probably would not care if he had a party at all. However it is fair to him to have one. We have gone all out for Avery when it is his birthday and he wants us to do the same for his brother.
I thought about having something small. I mean really small. I also thought about inviting his whole class. I know there are some kiddos that just adore Miles and would love to be invited. I am also worried that people will feel like they have to come. Or even that no one will come.
Also I wonder if it would be strange if I request no gifts or only books, or balls you can put in a ball pit!
With Miles' autism he probably would not care if he had a party at all. However it is fair to him to have one. We have gone all out for Avery when it is his birthday and he wants us to do the same for his brother.
I thought about having something small. I mean really small. I also thought about inviting his whole class. I know there are some kiddos that just adore Miles and would love to be invited. I am also worried that people will feel like they have to come. Or even that no one will come.
Also I wonder if it would be strange if I request no gifts or only books, or balls you can put in a ball pit!
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Feelings are like children.....
"Feelings are like children. You can't let them drive, but you can't stuff them in the trunk either." - status borrowed from Chris Bischof
I don't know if it is the new year, the weather, hormones, January blues and I need more vitamin D, but I have been an emotional weirdo. Maybe I am starting to learn how to display human emotion ;)
Thank you for.... well thank you.
I shared a blog post that was not my own via Facebook the other day. The blog was about being "the invisible family". The writer did not go into deal about her child, but let out some feelings she had about feeling left out. All my emotions (like children you are not supposed to stuff in the trunk) escaped. Based on a few select events that happened months and months ago and a few little select times I have felt left out piled on top jumped out like a cat you are trying to put in a bath tub full of water.
After comments to my share of the blog I for sure realize that I am not alone. I knew that but when you are being emotional you loose sight and forget. I also want to thank my neighbor for her kind private message; also reminding me that all people feel left out from time to time. That conversation also started to get me to remember some of the positive invites we received lately. That we are not always forgotten, that people are trying and will be understanding if the event ended up not in our favor.
In December the boys were invited to two birthday parties. One of those I was a little worried about. We attempted the party because it was just down the street. If Miles and I needed to leave I could come back and get Avery later. Miles did GREAT! He didn't really play with the kids, but we didn't have to leave and he was happy. The second one was Avery's friend Colin's party and Miles is familiar with his house and there is definitely mutual understanding between our families. But again Miles did GREAT! Followed by what I will call THE BEST CHRISTMAS MILES HAS EVER HAD!
We were also invited to a wonderful New Year's Eve party at our neighbors house down the street. Andrew and I made a "Miles Plan" in case things went South. The party started at 8:00 and we were not sure how Miles, who gets cranky if not sleeping by 9:00pm, would be in a house that is partying. Miles was happy and on the move until he fell asleep on the couch at 11:00! He mostly stayed around the kitchen and ate food. There was a party of the kids downstairs and a party for the adults upstairs. Miles would float freely between the two. Andrew and I would take turns peeking checking on him since he has a thing about getting into soap and candles. Miles even took time to stop and laugh at his parents trying to put hit an orange into a circle with only a banana that was hanging from a rope worn around our necks. It was a fun night and we did not have too much worry.
Also in October I was invited to so many product parties I thought I might have to go to jail for murdering someone. I did go to two of them though. One I hosted and one that my main gal had. If I would have gone to all of them I would have had two a week, plus Avery's b-day party and I would be a poor! Not to mention my family would have thought I left them to make a career out of product parties (but spending not making money).
Going back to the quote at the top of this page: I think I stuff too many children in the trunk. Then I feel bad and to make it up I tell them "I'm sorry to make it up to you I'll let you drive." I'm sure I'm not the only one.
Original blog post that I shared on FB about feeling left out: http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/01062015-this-is-how-it-feels-to-be-the-left-out-family/?utm_source=popsugar.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchange_facebook
I don't know if it is the new year, the weather, hormones, January blues and I need more vitamin D, but I have been an emotional weirdo. Maybe I am starting to learn how to display human emotion ;)
Thank you for.... well thank you.
I shared a blog post that was not my own via Facebook the other day. The blog was about being "the invisible family". The writer did not go into deal about her child, but let out some feelings she had about feeling left out. All my emotions (like children you are not supposed to stuff in the trunk) escaped. Based on a few select events that happened months and months ago and a few little select times I have felt left out piled on top jumped out like a cat you are trying to put in a bath tub full of water.
After comments to my share of the blog I for sure realize that I am not alone. I knew that but when you are being emotional you loose sight and forget. I also want to thank my neighbor for her kind private message; also reminding me that all people feel left out from time to time. That conversation also started to get me to remember some of the positive invites we received lately. That we are not always forgotten, that people are trying and will be understanding if the event ended up not in our favor.
In December the boys were invited to two birthday parties. One of those I was a little worried about. We attempted the party because it was just down the street. If Miles and I needed to leave I could come back and get Avery later. Miles did GREAT! He didn't really play with the kids, but we didn't have to leave and he was happy. The second one was Avery's friend Colin's party and Miles is familiar with his house and there is definitely mutual understanding between our families. But again Miles did GREAT! Followed by what I will call THE BEST CHRISTMAS MILES HAS EVER HAD!
We were also invited to a wonderful New Year's Eve party at our neighbors house down the street. Andrew and I made a "Miles Plan" in case things went South. The party started at 8:00 and we were not sure how Miles, who gets cranky if not sleeping by 9:00pm, would be in a house that is partying. Miles was happy and on the move until he fell asleep on the couch at 11:00! He mostly stayed around the kitchen and ate food. There was a party of the kids downstairs and a party for the adults upstairs. Miles would float freely between the two. Andrew and I would take turns peeking checking on him since he has a thing about getting into soap and candles. Miles even took time to stop and laugh at his parents trying to put hit an orange into a circle with only a banana that was hanging from a rope worn around our necks. It was a fun night and we did not have too much worry.
Also in October I was invited to so many product parties I thought I might have to go to jail for murdering someone. I did go to two of them though. One I hosted and one that my main gal had. If I would have gone to all of them I would have had two a week, plus Avery's b-day party and I would be a poor! Not to mention my family would have thought I left them to make a career out of product parties (but spending not making money).
Going back to the quote at the top of this page: I think I stuff too many children in the trunk. Then I feel bad and to make it up I tell them "I'm sorry to make it up to you I'll let you drive." I'm sure I'm not the only one.
Original blog post that I shared on FB about feeling left out: http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/01062015-this-is-how-it-feels-to-be-the-left-out-family/?utm_source=popsugar.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchange_facebook
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Dear Avery
Dear Avery,
I promise 2015 will be a better year. My number one goal is you.
I realized from our conversation the other night that I am right on target, I understand now. You didn't say much but you didn't have to, as your momma I get plenty of practice being a mind reader.
I have not been happy with your behavior lately, but do you know what I realized? It's not you that needs to change your behavior, it's me. I had to take a step back and look at the whole picture.
Avery, you are one of the smartest people I know. You are wise beyond your 7 years. Everyday you surprise me, however since you are a child of a scientist and a teacher, I should not be surprised at how much you love to learn. Please keep that up, make school easy for yourself.
I needed to look at all that is going on in your life, you have a lot going on.
You have always been a great big brother. You were thrown into that role when you were only 17 months old. I have been so proud of what a great and helpful big brother you are. Miles looks up to you and probably loves you more than anyone. I imagine that it is not easy all the time growing up with a brother who is not only different that you, but different from your friends, and different from your friends' siblings. I'm sure it gives you a lot to think about. I think you often wonder where you fit in, who you relate to. I'm sure this difference in you life has helped make you kind and understanding.
Mrs. Carmen said to me the other day that siblings of children with special needs have to think about a lot. They have to think about how their sibling behaves and how their peers behave and how they need to behave. I have noticed this when I see you take on some of the less desired behavors of your peers. I have come to understand that right now it is ok and what you need to do.
Since you were only 2 1/2 when your dad was in his accident you may not remember what he was like before. You may not remember him without his disabilities. But knowing you, you probably think about that too.
I realized you think we are always mad at you. So I am going to work on that. Like I told you, we are not mad. Maybe upset from time to time. That perhaps we expect to much from you. I told you that can happen to the child that is 1st born, and since you are the first born of two first born... well I realize the odds might not be in your favor. I reminded you that even when we are upset, we get over it and aren't upset anymore and we need to tell you that. We give you high expectations, because you are smart enough, we want you to make wise decisions in life, you are a role-model. We want you to help others, like Miles, make them too.
My goals: make sure to tell you I love you everyday. Let you be a kid. Let you cool down before I tell you why I was upset and tell you I'm not upset anymore. Not pester you when you need your time to think and decompress. Have more Avery + Momma time.
I love you Avery James.
Now I think I need to go listen to the song "Dear Avery" by The Decemberists
I promise 2015 will be a better year. My number one goal is you.
I realized from our conversation the other night that I am right on target, I understand now. You didn't say much but you didn't have to, as your momma I get plenty of practice being a mind reader.
I have not been happy with your behavior lately, but do you know what I realized? It's not you that needs to change your behavior, it's me. I had to take a step back and look at the whole picture.
Avery, you are one of the smartest people I know. You are wise beyond your 7 years. Everyday you surprise me, however since you are a child of a scientist and a teacher, I should not be surprised at how much you love to learn. Please keep that up, make school easy for yourself.
I needed to look at all that is going on in your life, you have a lot going on.
You have always been a great big brother. You were thrown into that role when you were only 17 months old. I have been so proud of what a great and helpful big brother you are. Miles looks up to you and probably loves you more than anyone. I imagine that it is not easy all the time growing up with a brother who is not only different that you, but different from your friends, and different from your friends' siblings. I'm sure it gives you a lot to think about. I think you often wonder where you fit in, who you relate to. I'm sure this difference in you life has helped make you kind and understanding.
Mrs. Carmen said to me the other day that siblings of children with special needs have to think about a lot. They have to think about how their sibling behaves and how their peers behave and how they need to behave. I have noticed this when I see you take on some of the less desired behavors of your peers. I have come to understand that right now it is ok and what you need to do.
Since you were only 2 1/2 when your dad was in his accident you may not remember what he was like before. You may not remember him without his disabilities. But knowing you, you probably think about that too.
I realized you think we are always mad at you. So I am going to work on that. Like I told you, we are not mad. Maybe upset from time to time. That perhaps we expect to much from you. I told you that can happen to the child that is 1st born, and since you are the first born of two first born... well I realize the odds might not be in your favor. I reminded you that even when we are upset, we get over it and aren't upset anymore and we need to tell you that. We give you high expectations, because you are smart enough, we want you to make wise decisions in life, you are a role-model. We want you to help others, like Miles, make them too.
My goals: make sure to tell you I love you everyday. Let you be a kid. Let you cool down before I tell you why I was upset and tell you I'm not upset anymore. Not pester you when you need your time to think and decompress. Have more Avery + Momma time.
I love you Avery James.
Now I think I need to go listen to the song "Dear Avery" by The Decemberists
Friday, January 9, 2015
Let's talk
Recently, and by recently I mean like yesterday I started going Facebook crazy and friend requesting people... thanks to Facebook suggesting every neighbor on my street because they are already friends with each other. If they choose to read this, thanks for accepting.
I joke that I am a Facebook addict. I am probably on there a little too much at times. It's not as bad as some people who always need to be connected, however I am on there a lot. There are good and bad about having a Facebook account. I get to be connected to those I love, that I don't get to see. I can message them, read about their day..... EVERY DAY! I have gotten in touch with people I thought I would never see again. I have made new friends. I have become better friends with people I only knew of or barely knew. I get to see the children of the people I grew up with grow up too. I get to read things and see posted memes that make me laugh.
I have read things about the negative effects of social media and have experienced a lot of those things too. If there is a tragic event on the news it is reported over and over from different sources; some not credible. People are cruel on the internet. They are behind a keyboard and can say whatever they want. Some people even spend their time making negative comment... on purpose. I try and try not to read too many comments on groups and pages in the Facebook world. I'm not always successful and often times something has ruined my day. I should know better. The worst was after Andrew's accident in 2010. I contacted 9news with his story for a "Hang Up and Drive" segment. Some of the comments people wrote on the video link were heartless and rude. That should have ended my comment reading.
Other times I have to remove myself from Facebook because many people tend to show the glamor and happy times of their lives. All their pictures are of the cool places they took their kids. Status updates are only about the good things, the date nights, the raises, their awesome weight loss... I'm not saying I want to see or read all your dirty laundry. I don't. It is just nice to know that you are human. It is nice to hear every once in a while that your child threw a fit, your dog peed in your shoe, or that you were not feeling well (followed by you are feeling better of course). It can go the other way too. If I read too many negative posts I start getting depressed. I feel sad that I can't help you. Also on that note if you have too many negative posts people will start to block you, hide your status and ignore you... keep that in mind. If you are seeking attention you will just make people run away. (Shawna steps off her soapbox now.)
Above I mentioned watching friends' children growing up. That is truly one of my favorite parts of social media. However on some days I also need to step away. Many of my friends on Facebook have children the same age as my children. I am going to be honest here, but don't let it stop you from sharing pictures and quips from your own children. I try not to compare my children to your children. I know each child is different. I know each child has their strengths and weaknesses; their good days and their not so good days. Some days it makes me more aware that my child is different than your child. My child is not doing the same thing as your child. I already knew that because for the most part he is not doing the same things his brother was doing 17 months ago. We can't always go out to fun places. We try. We don't want to hide and we are often busy.
I am also glad to have made connects with people who can relate. Our own children are not even thesame as each other... but we can relate, we listen, and even if we don't understand we are still understanding. I also am thankful I have other support from friends with children who don't have special needs. I will say that there are also other days I am grateful that Miles is not a typically developing child because there are some things that typical children do that I am glad Miles does not.
I try to be funny a lot of the time. Often times all I need to do is share something that Avery said as my status. Numerous times during a day he will say something worth posting. I usually spare you... but I should make a book of Averyisms.
I love to talk. I am like the drunk girl at a party... and I don't even drink. Just ask and I will usually spill the beans. People always think I am quiet and reserved..... ha ha! If I don't feel you are willing to listen then I am not going to say anything. I want to know that you are interested... unless you are my Facebook friend then it doesn't matter I share what I share. Don't like it? Hide my posts or unfriend me!
Ok, I better do something productive...
I joke that I am a Facebook addict. I am probably on there a little too much at times. It's not as bad as some people who always need to be connected, however I am on there a lot. There are good and bad about having a Facebook account. I get to be connected to those I love, that I don't get to see. I can message them, read about their day..... EVERY DAY! I have gotten in touch with people I thought I would never see again. I have made new friends. I have become better friends with people I only knew of or barely knew. I get to see the children of the people I grew up with grow up too. I get to read things and see posted memes that make me laugh.
I have read things about the negative effects of social media and have experienced a lot of those things too. If there is a tragic event on the news it is reported over and over from different sources; some not credible. People are cruel on the internet. They are behind a keyboard and can say whatever they want. Some people even spend their time making negative comment... on purpose. I try and try not to read too many comments on groups and pages in the Facebook world. I'm not always successful and often times something has ruined my day. I should know better. The worst was after Andrew's accident in 2010. I contacted 9news with his story for a "Hang Up and Drive" segment. Some of the comments people wrote on the video link were heartless and rude. That should have ended my comment reading.
Other times I have to remove myself from Facebook because many people tend to show the glamor and happy times of their lives. All their pictures are of the cool places they took their kids. Status updates are only about the good things, the date nights, the raises, their awesome weight loss... I'm not saying I want to see or read all your dirty laundry. I don't. It is just nice to know that you are human. It is nice to hear every once in a while that your child threw a fit, your dog peed in your shoe, or that you were not feeling well (followed by you are feeling better of course). It can go the other way too. If I read too many negative posts I start getting depressed. I feel sad that I can't help you. Also on that note if you have too many negative posts people will start to block you, hide your status and ignore you... keep that in mind. If you are seeking attention you will just make people run away. (Shawna steps off her soapbox now.)
Above I mentioned watching friends' children growing up. That is truly one of my favorite parts of social media. However on some days I also need to step away. Many of my friends on Facebook have children the same age as my children. I am going to be honest here, but don't let it stop you from sharing pictures and quips from your own children. I try not to compare my children to your children. I know each child is different. I know each child has their strengths and weaknesses; their good days and their not so good days. Some days it makes me more aware that my child is different than your child. My child is not doing the same thing as your child. I already knew that because for the most part he is not doing the same things his brother was doing 17 months ago. We can't always go out to fun places. We try. We don't want to hide and we are often busy.
I am also glad to have made connects with people who can relate. Our own children are not even thesame as each other... but we can relate, we listen, and even if we don't understand we are still understanding. I also am thankful I have other support from friends with children who don't have special needs. I will say that there are also other days I am grateful that Miles is not a typically developing child because there are some things that typical children do that I am glad Miles does not.
I try to be funny a lot of the time. Often times all I need to do is share something that Avery said as my status. Numerous times during a day he will say something worth posting. I usually spare you... but I should make a book of Averyisms.
I love to talk. I am like the drunk girl at a party... and I don't even drink. Just ask and I will usually spill the beans. People always think I am quiet and reserved..... ha ha! If I don't feel you are willing to listen then I am not going to say anything. I want to know that you are interested... unless you are my Facebook friend then it doesn't matter I share what I share. Don't like it? Hide my posts or unfriend me!
Ok, I better do something productive...
Thursday, January 8, 2015
2015 - you'd better be a good year
Happy New Year!!!!!
I really hope that 2015 is a great year. It's not that 2014 was all bad, but I'm not sad to see it go.... keep on swimming.
I love seeing my babies grow. Miles has grown up a lot since Kindergarten started. A lot of little growths in many areas in development. I never have time to sit down and share them all, and I never know what to share. To some people the little bit makes a difference, to others they never knew or noticed, or to them it's not a big deal... their child has been doing that since they were two. I mean I laughed yesterday because he not only did not swallow his gum on the way from therapy to school but when I told him he needed to put the gum in the trash he followed instruction... big deal!? Yes big deal... it is what he works to do everyday... my sweet boy.
Avery has had a super attitude since he has turned 7. I think he just works so hard and gets tired. My goal is to have more Avery and Momma time, I get busy and I'm sure he needs it. He is so smart though. He loves math and is very good a reading. He rarely tell me about school but the work that comes home is AMAZING! His handwriting is also amazing considering that in preschool he didn't even want to pick up a pencil and last year he is used a pencil grip to help his fine motor movements while writing.
I have projects in my brain galore, I don't even know where to start. 2015 is my year of goal, hopes, dreams and projects. I have lost about 13lbs since this time last year. I strive to continue on a great path to weight loss. When I found out that I was pregnant last year, I changed a lot about my diet and I had already upped my exercise before that. I had big goals to be super healthy. One good thing about that goal is that I am still on a healthier track and I have lost weight and I will be ahead in my goal if I get the joy to carry out a pregnancy this year. I am ok now with the fact it did not happen they way we hoped, I feel like it was a necessary reboot. A goal to take better care of me.
I have been using essential oils now for a year, I can also say my life is better because of them. If you want to know more I'll talk anytime.
I have so much I want to organize in my house, I also want to have my house super clean so that cleaning will be easier. Therefore I need motivation... goal!
If I get my butt in gear I could make and teach my own science class for 2 weeks during the summer. It would be for summer enrichment. However I need to make up a class and apply with-in 9 days so maybe next year. I have been busy subbing. I think I either need a job at Lincoln Early childhood or Winona Elementary because that is where I am if I am teaching.
Next month will mark a 15 year relationship with Andrew; three more years and we will be together half my life!!!!!! We will celebrate 12 years of being married! It will be 5 years since Andrew's accident, a memory of how life changed and could have changed.
I hope to keep up on the blogging too. That way I won't be so vague.... ha ha!
I really hope that 2015 is a great year. It's not that 2014 was all bad, but I'm not sad to see it go.... keep on swimming.
I love seeing my babies grow. Miles has grown up a lot since Kindergarten started. A lot of little growths in many areas in development. I never have time to sit down and share them all, and I never know what to share. To some people the little bit makes a difference, to others they never knew or noticed, or to them it's not a big deal... their child has been doing that since they were two. I mean I laughed yesterday because he not only did not swallow his gum on the way from therapy to school but when I told him he needed to put the gum in the trash he followed instruction... big deal!? Yes big deal... it is what he works to do everyday... my sweet boy.
Avery has had a super attitude since he has turned 7. I think he just works so hard and gets tired. My goal is to have more Avery and Momma time, I get busy and I'm sure he needs it. He is so smart though. He loves math and is very good a reading. He rarely tell me about school but the work that comes home is AMAZING! His handwriting is also amazing considering that in preschool he didn't even want to pick up a pencil and last year he is used a pencil grip to help his fine motor movements while writing.
I have projects in my brain galore, I don't even know where to start. 2015 is my year of goal, hopes, dreams and projects. I have lost about 13lbs since this time last year. I strive to continue on a great path to weight loss. When I found out that I was pregnant last year, I changed a lot about my diet and I had already upped my exercise before that. I had big goals to be super healthy. One good thing about that goal is that I am still on a healthier track and I have lost weight and I will be ahead in my goal if I get the joy to carry out a pregnancy this year. I am ok now with the fact it did not happen they way we hoped, I feel like it was a necessary reboot. A goal to take better care of me.
I have been using essential oils now for a year, I can also say my life is better because of them. If you want to know more I'll talk anytime.
I have so much I want to organize in my house, I also want to have my house super clean so that cleaning will be easier. Therefore I need motivation... goal!
If I get my butt in gear I could make and teach my own science class for 2 weeks during the summer. It would be for summer enrichment. However I need to make up a class and apply with-in 9 days so maybe next year. I have been busy subbing. I think I either need a job at Lincoln Early childhood or Winona Elementary because that is where I am if I am teaching.
Next month will mark a 15 year relationship with Andrew; three more years and we will be together half my life!!!!!! We will celebrate 12 years of being married! It will be 5 years since Andrew's accident, a memory of how life changed and could have changed.
I hope to keep up on the blogging too. That way I won't be so vague.... ha ha!
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Brain dump!
1. I am not lying when I say Avery has turned me into a huge Star Wars fan. We bought him several character encyclopedias that have way more information than even I want to know or car about knowing. However know more than I did has helped me understand the story.
1a. Now that I have finally watched episode II and III and understand all of it I can't stop thinking about it. I almost hate to admit this but episodes III and VI now make me emotional. Episode III is where Anikin Skywalker becomes Darth Vader. He is naive in thinking that by doing so he can save his love Padme from death. However his turning into Vader is what kills her.... and the scene where he kills innocent children.... my heart stopped. It made me feel weird because I knew he becomes Vader and yet it was like I did not know the story. Then in episode VI Vader sacrifices himself to save his son, that he never even knew.... ok sorry I'm officially a nerd...
1b. Ok so these encyclopedias we got Avery... they don't tell you how to pronounce the strange names of people or planets. I am in the dark! Then I end up going to bed with some of the names in my head!
2. ROAD CONSTRUCTION!!!!!! *&%#! EVERY way I can go (that makes sense) to take Miles to therapy there is road construction! I mean it will be nice, but ALL AT ONCE? COME ON!
3. In 11 days I will have a Kindergartener and a 1st grader! I want to cry already. I can't believe my baby will be in 'big boy school'. He's probably ready but I'm not. It's different than last year when Avery went. Since April 2012 Miles has been in the preschool program. I have become comfortable with him there and now it is all different. He is now in elementary school. This is the first time we will be dealing with IEPs and other things at this level. I do like the people at the school so far.
4. I am a little mad that the school district decided not to have early release Wednesday this year. I was relying on that time for therapy for Miles. Also they don't have the whole week off for Thanksgiving break this year. :(
5. Negative attitudes, negativity, and too much complaining eats my soul.
6. I wish when I am somewhere by myself and I hear a child screaming I didn't think it was mine. Especially because I know what he sounds like and he does not sound like that child.
7. I think my brain is dumped for now. I can't remember all I've been thinking. Maybe I'll have more later.
1a. Now that I have finally watched episode II and III and understand all of it I can't stop thinking about it. I almost hate to admit this but episodes III and VI now make me emotional. Episode III is where Anikin Skywalker becomes Darth Vader. He is naive in thinking that by doing so he can save his love Padme from death. However his turning into Vader is what kills her.... and the scene where he kills innocent children.... my heart stopped. It made me feel weird because I knew he becomes Vader and yet it was like I did not know the story. Then in episode VI Vader sacrifices himself to save his son, that he never even knew.... ok sorry I'm officially a nerd...
1b. Ok so these encyclopedias we got Avery... they don't tell you how to pronounce the strange names of people or planets. I am in the dark! Then I end up going to bed with some of the names in my head!
2. ROAD CONSTRUCTION!!!!!! *&%#! EVERY way I can go (that makes sense) to take Miles to therapy there is road construction! I mean it will be nice, but ALL AT ONCE? COME ON!
3. In 11 days I will have a Kindergartener and a 1st grader! I want to cry already. I can't believe my baby will be in 'big boy school'. He's probably ready but I'm not. It's different than last year when Avery went. Since April 2012 Miles has been in the preschool program. I have become comfortable with him there and now it is all different. He is now in elementary school. This is the first time we will be dealing with IEPs and other things at this level. I do like the people at the school so far.
4. I am a little mad that the school district decided not to have early release Wednesday this year. I was relying on that time for therapy for Miles. Also they don't have the whole week off for Thanksgiving break this year. :(
5. Negative attitudes, negativity, and too much complaining eats my soul.
6. I wish when I am somewhere by myself and I hear a child screaming I didn't think it was mine. Especially because I know what he sounds like and he does not sound like that child.
7. I think my brain is dumped for now. I can't remember all I've been thinking. Maybe I'll have more later.
Friday, April 18, 2014
Autism Awareness Month - What is autism?
What Is Autism
My son has ASD. It is important to spread awareness. Many people think they know what autism is, but many don't really know.
(Info from Autism Speaks): Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and autism are both general terms for a group of complex disorders of brain development. These disorders are characterized, in varying degrees, by difficulties in social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication and repetitive behaviors. (To be diagnosed a person would have to have difficulties in ALL 3 areas listed.) With the May 2013 publication of the DSM-5 diagnostic manual, all autism disorders were merged into one umbrella diagnosis of ASD. Previously, they were recognized as distinct subtypes, including autistic disorder, childhood disintegrative disorder, pervasive developmental disorder-not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS) and Asperger syndrome.
ASD can be associated with intellectual disability, difficulties in motor coordination and attention and physical health issues such as sleep and gastrointestinal disturbances. Some persons with ASD excel in visual skills, music, math and art.
Autism appears to have its roots in very early brain development. However, the most obvious signs of autism and symptoms of autism tend to emerge between 2 and 3 years of age.
What Causes Autism?
Not long ago, the answer to this question would have been “we have no idea.” Research is now delivering the answers. First and foremost, we now know that there is no one cause of autism just as there is no one type of autism. Over the last five years, scientists have identified a number of rare gene changes, or mutations, associated with autism. A small number of these are sufficient to cause autism by themselves. Most cases of autism, however, appear to be caused by a combination of autism risk genes and environmental factors influencing early brain development.
In the presence of a genetic predisposition to autism, a number of nongenetic, or “environmental,” stresses appear to further increase a child’s risk. The clearest evidence of these autism risk factors involves events before and during birth. They include advanced parental age at time of conception (both mom and dad), maternal illness during pregnancy and certain difficulties during birth, particularly those involving periods of oxygen deprivation to the baby’s brain. It is important to keep in mind that these factors, by themselves, do not cause autism. Rather, in combination with genetic risk factors, they appear to modestly increase risk.
A growing body of research suggests that a woman can reduce her risk of having a child with autism by taking prenatal vitamins containing folic acid and/or eating a diet rich in folic acid (at least 600 mcg a day) during the months before and after conception.
Increasingly, researchers are looking at the role of the immune system in autism. Autism Speaks is working to increase awareness and investigation of these and other issues, where further research has the potential to improve the lives of those who struggle with autism
Saturday, January 4, 2014
YOU are trying to one-up ME?
So last night I knew I should have kept my mouth shut... ok not my mouth I was typing on Facebook.
A friend of mine posted an article titled "Jenny McCarthy: My bad, turns out my kid didn't have Autsim." Now before I decided to get mad at Jenny McCarthy I read the article. It is not as bad as it sounds because it is not like she was faking that he had it to get attention. The child was misdiagnosed, but still has a rare neurological disease. It was probably ok that he was misdiagnosed because I'm sure whatever therapy he had was helpful anyway.
The 'problem' with her child being misdiagnosed is that she had many believing in her advice on autism and it turns out her child did not have it.... still not her fault.
I've never listened to Jenny McCarthy as a advocate for autism. I mean I'm sure having a celebrity for awareness is great, and I'm sure she raised a lot of money for the research. What I never bought from her campaign is that vaccinations are the cause and changing your child's diet is the cure. I don't want to go much farther into that. I may not be all knowing about autism but I do know a lot from my Speech Communication degree and from my teacher education. I also know how to read credible sources and what article are important. I know what I have been told be doctors that gave my son his autism diagnosis. There is more research proving that vaccines are not the cause and some of the people who said they are the cause came out saying they made it up. And to end on a note... if they changed their minds and told me tomorrow that vaccinating my child caused his autism, I would rather him have autism than be dead because he got an illness he could have been vaccinated for.
So as I was saying I should have just took my fingers off the keyboard. All I typed was that I never believed her campaign about vaccines and diets. To which a friend of my friend comes back at it saying "Vaccinations causing autism is on the rise and there is plenty of research to prove this. Although her son does not have it many children have suffered this fate already." I could not let that sit. So I told her I did not agree and my son HAS autism and it has nothing to do with vaccinations.
She tells me she disagrees with me, but I already knew that. That is fine, I understand people won't agree with me. Many mothers of children with autism would agree with her. The thing that drove me crazy though is I felt then she was trying to one-up me. She proceeds to tell me that she has close friends/family would have children with autism and she knows other people and they all got autism by vaccines. Well that's nice.... Nevermind that I live with my son, who has autism, everyday.
So then I just write. Well my son never had problems with vaccines. Then I get some lame response:
"With the vaccinations it truly is a tough call. ...... But for those they have affected it is truly sad and something everyone should be aware of." Well that's nice....
I let her have that last word on that post. But what I wanted to write back was "Autism is not sad, it's just different. I would not take my sons autism away. I'm sorry that those who need to find someone or something blame, blame vaccines... that is what is truly sad."
A friend of mine posted an article titled "Jenny McCarthy: My bad, turns out my kid didn't have Autsim." Now before I decided to get mad at Jenny McCarthy I read the article. It is not as bad as it sounds because it is not like she was faking that he had it to get attention. The child was misdiagnosed, but still has a rare neurological disease. It was probably ok that he was misdiagnosed because I'm sure whatever therapy he had was helpful anyway.
The 'problem' with her child being misdiagnosed is that she had many believing in her advice on autism and it turns out her child did not have it.... still not her fault.
I've never listened to Jenny McCarthy as a advocate for autism. I mean I'm sure having a celebrity for awareness is great, and I'm sure she raised a lot of money for the research. What I never bought from her campaign is that vaccinations are the cause and changing your child's diet is the cure. I don't want to go much farther into that. I may not be all knowing about autism but I do know a lot from my Speech Communication degree and from my teacher education. I also know how to read credible sources and what article are important. I know what I have been told be doctors that gave my son his autism diagnosis. There is more research proving that vaccines are not the cause and some of the people who said they are the cause came out saying they made it up. And to end on a note... if they changed their minds and told me tomorrow that vaccinating my child caused his autism, I would rather him have autism than be dead because he got an illness he could have been vaccinated for.
So as I was saying I should have just took my fingers off the keyboard. All I typed was that I never believed her campaign about vaccines and diets. To which a friend of my friend comes back at it saying "Vaccinations causing autism is on the rise and there is plenty of research to prove this. Although her son does not have it many children have suffered this fate already." I could not let that sit. So I told her I did not agree and my son HAS autism and it has nothing to do with vaccinations.
She tells me she disagrees with me, but I already knew that. That is fine, I understand people won't agree with me. Many mothers of children with autism would agree with her. The thing that drove me crazy though is I felt then she was trying to one-up me. She proceeds to tell me that she has close friends/family would have children with autism and she knows other people and they all got autism by vaccines. Well that's nice.... Nevermind that I live with my son, who has autism, everyday.
So then I just write. Well my son never had problems with vaccines. Then I get some lame response:
"With the vaccinations it truly is a tough call. ...... But for those they have affected it is truly sad and something everyone should be aware of." Well that's nice....
I let her have that last word on that post. But what I wanted to write back was "Autism is not sad, it's just different. I would not take my sons autism away. I'm sorry that those who need to find someone or something blame, blame vaccines... that is what is truly sad."
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Hello 2014
New year resolution..... I don't really have one.
For the last ~6 months I have been changing things for myself to become a better me. I have adopted the motto that if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of others. So far in some areas I have improved but I have a long way to go.
One goal is to be healthier and the other is to be happier (I'm already happy with most aspects of my life, but being happy should be every ones goal). Both of these goals just happens to include losing weight... not just weight loss but it is included.
I heard somewhere that if you share your weight loss goals and be open to sharing the numbers it helps... or maybe I am just thinking about The Biggest Loser!
Any way I am starting the new year weighing in at 176.8lb. Now before you start comparing your weight to mine and ect., also note I am 5'2.5". I am excited to start out the year at 176.8lbs because for the last two years I could not drop my weight below 180lbs and often times I was 186lb. This had me depressed too because at 9 months pregnant with Avery I was 188lbs.
For the last few months I have been around 177lb (+/- normal fluctuation) and I have been thrilled. My ultimate goal (knowing it might take a few years) is to weigh between 130 and 140lbs. But most of all the goal is to continue to exercise and eat more healthy choices.... ugh and drink more water... that part is hard for me.
Happy New Year
2014!
For the last ~6 months I have been changing things for myself to become a better me. I have adopted the motto that if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of others. So far in some areas I have improved but I have a long way to go.
One goal is to be healthier and the other is to be happier (I'm already happy with most aspects of my life, but being happy should be every ones goal). Both of these goals just happens to include losing weight... not just weight loss but it is included.
I heard somewhere that if you share your weight loss goals and be open to sharing the numbers it helps... or maybe I am just thinking about The Biggest Loser!
Any way I am starting the new year weighing in at 176.8lb. Now before you start comparing your weight to mine and ect., also note I am 5'2.5". I am excited to start out the year at 176.8lbs because for the last two years I could not drop my weight below 180lbs and often times I was 186lb. This had me depressed too because at 9 months pregnant with Avery I was 188lbs.
For the last few months I have been around 177lb (+/- normal fluctuation) and I have been thrilled. My ultimate goal (knowing it might take a few years) is to weigh between 130 and 140lbs. But most of all the goal is to continue to exercise and eat more healthy choices.... ugh and drink more water... that part is hard for me.
Happy New Year
2014!
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Last Day of 2013
2013 has been a busy year. It kind of feels like it has been two different years... or even more. It has not been a bad year nor has it been a super awesome year. I'm ready for the year to be over and yet I would be ok if it wasn't.
I'd say the best thing about this year for me is that I have been trying to take better care of myself. I can't always say I am doing my best at doing so. So in 2014 I will continue to improve my goal... better late than never and definitely better than not at all. I have also enjoyed being a substitute teacher and I am excited to continue to sub the rest of this school year and maybe the next.
Miles has continued to grow and change. Some days he growth seems to be in leaps and bounds and sometimes barely at all. He is still happy and healthy and it has been a good thing that we decided to seek an ASD diagnosis. For the most part friends and family have been very supportive... sometimes even overly. For most of us the diagnosis means nothing has change and for other he means a lot different. The most important thing I have learned is how important Autism awareness really is. I forget that many people don't really know what Autism is or have a thought about what it is.
Miles really likes his new therapy. I'm not sure how exactly, but therapy helped him make some changes. I can't even explain it but I have had people who know him and not know he is in therapy comment on how he has changed... growing! He has definitely been more vocal lately. Mostly sounds but I have heard some words and phrases. The other day I head him say "Happy Birthday!" not sure to whom but it was pretty cool.
I still can't believe Avery is 6! He is such a smart boy. Sometimes I can't even believe how smart he is really. He loves Kindergarten and he loves learning. He is learning how to read and write and I think that is the neatest thing. I can tell he is one of those type of people who knows things without really knowing how they know. He can just look at it a know... goes for math too. Some days I think he is my future actor, some days I think he would be a good teacher, but most of all I know he could do anything. Some days I swear he has a teenagers attitude... these are the days I don't know what to do with him... especially with all his smarts that come along with it! He is a caring little dude.
Andrew is still continuing to improve. It is hard to believe that the accident was 3 1/2 year ago. I think he is ready to get back to work, but he also enjoys being able to take care of his family. I think he will only keep improving. So much has happened since then many things are no longer noticeable while other things continue to stay. On the 3rd he will be celebrating another birthday that I am thankful he is around for. We celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary and I am so happy that I have found a great guy to be with.
I'd say the best thing about this year for me is that I have been trying to take better care of myself. I can't always say I am doing my best at doing so. So in 2014 I will continue to improve my goal... better late than never and definitely better than not at all. I have also enjoyed being a substitute teacher and I am excited to continue to sub the rest of this school year and maybe the next.
Miles has continued to grow and change. Some days he growth seems to be in leaps and bounds and sometimes barely at all. He is still happy and healthy and it has been a good thing that we decided to seek an ASD diagnosis. For the most part friends and family have been very supportive... sometimes even overly. For most of us the diagnosis means nothing has change and for other he means a lot different. The most important thing I have learned is how important Autism awareness really is. I forget that many people don't really know what Autism is or have a thought about what it is.
Miles really likes his new therapy. I'm not sure how exactly, but therapy helped him make some changes. I can't even explain it but I have had people who know him and not know he is in therapy comment on how he has changed... growing! He has definitely been more vocal lately. Mostly sounds but I have heard some words and phrases. The other day I head him say "Happy Birthday!" not sure to whom but it was pretty cool.
I still can't believe Avery is 6! He is such a smart boy. Sometimes I can't even believe how smart he is really. He loves Kindergarten and he loves learning. He is learning how to read and write and I think that is the neatest thing. I can tell he is one of those type of people who knows things without really knowing how they know. He can just look at it a know... goes for math too. Some days I think he is my future actor, some days I think he would be a good teacher, but most of all I know he could do anything. Some days I swear he has a teenagers attitude... these are the days I don't know what to do with him... especially with all his smarts that come along with it! He is a caring little dude.
Andrew is still continuing to improve. It is hard to believe that the accident was 3 1/2 year ago. I think he is ready to get back to work, but he also enjoys being able to take care of his family. I think he will only keep improving. So much has happened since then many things are no longer noticeable while other things continue to stay. On the 3rd he will be celebrating another birthday that I am thankful he is around for. We celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary and I am so happy that I have found a great guy to be with.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Peaks and valleys
First I wanted to say that we got the results of Miles' genetic tests yesterday. All the tests came back negative, meaning that they did not find any hidden genetic reasons for Miles to have Autism.
So yesterday Miles had an off day or something. He had one big meltdown in therapy, but had an awesome day in school. We have been so busy the last week we had not had time to do a big grocery trip so we decided to go out to dinner. Miles usually does not have a problem going out to eat, he knows at restaurants food comes to your table. We make sure if he is really hungry that he gets something small right away and there is no problem.
Last night we decided to go to Old Chicagos for pizza. We don't go there often so we thought it would be a nice change... and Avery wanted pizza anyway. Miles was a little cranky when we got into the car and we figured he just wanted food. When we got to the restaurant we were seated right away and we ordered quickly but Miles would not sit down. I did not care if he sat he could stand by me and he was fine. Then he started crying. It almost seemed like it was for no reason at all. I tried to console him and he just started crying louder. I walked him to the front lobby of the restaurant and he was fine. We sat there for a little bit and then the fires we ordered him were ready. So I walked back to the table and he started screaming again. He did not want the fries. I tried to keep clam and offered him fries. I walked back to the lobby with a few fries and Miles. I thought if he calmed and then ate the fries he would want more and then he would return to the table. Doing this only made him cry in the lobby. I tried the table again... nope, the lobby... nope, outside... yes... until I would not take him to the car.
I tried taking him to the restroom. He is sort of getting into potty training so I thought maybe he had to go... or did go in his pull-up, because that can make him mad. He would not sit and he was not wet. He did not want his pants down at all. Now he is crying in the bathroom. Back at the table the food is there. At this point I try to give Miles a pepperoni... nope. Then the manager comes out and asks if we want to-go boxes..................... but mentions she does not want us to leave. Great!
Andrew takes Miles to the bathroom and also has no luck. The lady next to me asks me "how old are your boys?" I tell her and then she says to her 11-month-old baby (I asked her back) "she what I get to look forward to in a few years." To that I reply "Oh does your son have Autism?" Yeah that is a quick way to get her to shut up... and she says something about we all have rough days.
The worst part was a lady at different table. She was with a large group of people, probably the mom/grandma. She would glare at me and then type on her phone. It may not have been about Miles but it probably was. She could not stop looking and glaring and messing with her phone.
Then I semi-lost the battle and ended up with Miles in the car... both of us bawling our eyes out.
The thing that drove me the most crazy is that I know people around us probably just wanted us to leave. What they don't understand is that it is exactly like that kids throwing a tantrum because they want candy in the grocery store. If the parents give in (***cringe***) then the kid learns that EVERY TIME they have a tantrum at the store their mom will give them candy to shut them up. If I leave the restaurant, I have just given Miles his candy. He would then think EVERY TIME he has a tantrum we will leave the restaurant and go home. Therefore I went to the car with him, let him cry in there with me. We did not go home yet, but we did not stay.
So yesterday Miles had an off day or something. He had one big meltdown in therapy, but had an awesome day in school. We have been so busy the last week we had not had time to do a big grocery trip so we decided to go out to dinner. Miles usually does not have a problem going out to eat, he knows at restaurants food comes to your table. We make sure if he is really hungry that he gets something small right away and there is no problem.
Last night we decided to go to Old Chicagos for pizza. We don't go there often so we thought it would be a nice change... and Avery wanted pizza anyway. Miles was a little cranky when we got into the car and we figured he just wanted food. When we got to the restaurant we were seated right away and we ordered quickly but Miles would not sit down. I did not care if he sat he could stand by me and he was fine. Then he started crying. It almost seemed like it was for no reason at all. I tried to console him and he just started crying louder. I walked him to the front lobby of the restaurant and he was fine. We sat there for a little bit and then the fires we ordered him were ready. So I walked back to the table and he started screaming again. He did not want the fries. I tried to keep clam and offered him fries. I walked back to the lobby with a few fries and Miles. I thought if he calmed and then ate the fries he would want more and then he would return to the table. Doing this only made him cry in the lobby. I tried the table again... nope, the lobby... nope, outside... yes... until I would not take him to the car.
I tried taking him to the restroom. He is sort of getting into potty training so I thought maybe he had to go... or did go in his pull-up, because that can make him mad. He would not sit and he was not wet. He did not want his pants down at all. Now he is crying in the bathroom. Back at the table the food is there. At this point I try to give Miles a pepperoni... nope. Then the manager comes out and asks if we want to-go boxes..................... but mentions she does not want us to leave. Great!
Andrew takes Miles to the bathroom and also has no luck. The lady next to me asks me "how old are your boys?" I tell her and then she says to her 11-month-old baby (I asked her back) "she what I get to look forward to in a few years." To that I reply "Oh does your son have Autism?" Yeah that is a quick way to get her to shut up... and she says something about we all have rough days.
The worst part was a lady at different table. She was with a large group of people, probably the mom/grandma. She would glare at me and then type on her phone. It may not have been about Miles but it probably was. She could not stop looking and glaring and messing with her phone.
Then I semi-lost the battle and ended up with Miles in the car... both of us bawling our eyes out.
The thing that drove me the most crazy is that I know people around us probably just wanted us to leave. What they don't understand is that it is exactly like that kids throwing a tantrum because they want candy in the grocery store. If the parents give in (***cringe***) then the kid learns that EVERY TIME they have a tantrum at the store their mom will give them candy to shut them up. If I leave the restaurant, I have just given Miles his candy. He would then think EVERY TIME he has a tantrum we will leave the restaurant and go home. Therefore I went to the car with him, let him cry in there with me. We did not go home yet, but we did not stay.
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