All According to Plan!

This post was sparked my one of my dear friend's FACEBOOK posts.  A comment she had written back to me in the post said "if I would have just stuck to the plan..." and my reply of "plans shans, they NEVER go the way you want them!"  

I think it is good for everyone to make plans.  I mean from little plans like picking up an item on the floor to making it big on American Idol.  But I know that things rarely go as planed and even if the outcome is good or exactly what you wanted it might not have been the same plan you had to get there.

I would like to say that I am experienced in "not the way I planned it.  My number one example.... I AM A MOM.  To start, even child birth never goes ad planned, even if nothing goes wrong.  You body takes over and seriously you just have to go with it weather you like it or not.  Then later: I planed to get enough sleep, I planed to go to the store without a screaming baby, I planned to be there on time before that diaper blowout happened.  In fact I think that is the hardest part of parenthood for some people... they plan and the little ones have other ideas or natural distractions of life.  I mean changes of plans for parents is never ending. 

I married "The Plan Man."  Some people are just like that.  They have to make constant plan about not only tomorrow but the next day and the next and then the next 10 years.  I am not saying this is  a bad thing, it helped balance me out a little and forced me to look a little bit more into the future than my plans would go.  However sometimes I just could not understand it.  Here I am focusing on what I need to do for a small portion of the plan and I could not think of it beyond that.  I guess maybe because I feel that plan could change at any moment.  

It took me 10years  after high school graduation to finish college.  I had a plan.... go to school and become a teacher.   I went to UNC and my first year I did ok, I had planed to work 20 hours at my job and go to school.  I ended up working more like 35- 40 hours while I had school.  My grades started slipping and finally I decided I needed a break.  I took a year and a half off and we moved to Denver and I started out at Metro State.  Again things went well until I started working more.  Later I had two children mid semester in 2007 and 2009.  I was supposed to be done first in fall 2008 and then Spring 2009 and then fall 2009 and then finally I finished in 2010.

While I was focused on finishing my plan my Plan Man was trying to move it along... what was he going to do?  Stay at his job or get a new one? Where would I get a teaching job?  Should we move away from Denver?  Everyday his life was consumed with trying to figure out the plan.  I think he was so uncomfortable with how life had started not going to plan.  Grad school was now on hold for him since the kids.  Two babies within 17 months of each other, I still was not done with school, I had quit my job.  They may or may not have been able to keep him at his job.  He would wake up get on the computer, go to work, come home get on the computer, eat dinner and then get back on the computer... looking for the answers for the plan... what was next.  It was draining him.

Five days before my graduation Andrew was in car accident that almost killed him, you can't tell me that was in his plans.  He nearly lost a whole year because of the accident, hell we all did.  That was not part of his plans.  I was supposed to try and find a job right away, how could I when my husband needed me and my children needed me... that was not my plan.  

You change the plan to what works and it may not be the same as the one you started with.  The down fall of plans are you either dream too high and you plans will not get you there or you plan without dreams and you just do.   Unexpected happens... good or bad.  You can't tell me that divorced couples planed that they would be married and then divorced.  You can't tell me that because someone had planed to be single and meets the person of their dreams is not right either.  I mean it is even a joke to mess up and say "that was all according to plan."  It is even a line in a show my kids watch.

Just saying

Just Because I Love You

I meant to write this on Valentines Day but we were so busy.  

My husband and I do not celebrate Valentines Day, not because I am anti-love or even really anti-valentines day.  I really like Valentines Day, I am just against what I find most people think Valentines Day is.  My kids were watching a show called "Team Umizoomi" and it was a "Valentines" episode... and I think it gave me a new perspective on this holiday.  They called it "Just Because I Love You Day".   That is what it should be.

When I was in elementary school I loved V-Day!  Making our collection bags or boxes and giving out and receiving cute valentines. I love pink, red, white, stuffed animals, chocolates and flowers.

In junior high school you could by a carnation for someone and it would be sent to them at 7th period on Valentines Day.  In seventh grade I really like this boy and was crushed when 5 girls got carnations from him in my 7th period class and I got nothing.  I didn't think he was going to get me one, but that sucked.  In 8th and 9th grade my group of friends bought each other carnations so we would not be empty handed at the end of the day.  In 8th grade I got the most flowers because my best friends brother and another long time friend (who was in 7th grade) sent me one. 

When I was almost 15-years-old I thought I was going to have my first "boyfriend" Valentines Day.  I was kind of excited... that was until I was dumped TWO days before Valentines Day.  Looking back now I still think the timing of the break-up sucked, but the break-up was definitely for the best and he probably had someone else.

The next year I just got a new boyfriend "J." on February 2nd and when Valentines Day got there I thought the stuffed monkey and the balloon kind of weird.  I mean like he felt like he had to get me something just because it was Valentines Day.  The next year I was still with  J. but he had been in trouble and was sent across the sate to Job Corps and now I can't even remember if he was around for that Feb 14th. 


The Valentines Day that I was almost 18 I was friends with Andrew.  Andrew is now my husband.  Because I was technically still with J. we didn't want to say that we were dating yet.  Andrew and I worked together and on Valentines day he told me that he had something for me in his backpack in the break room.  Chocolate covered strawberries for a friendly Valentines Day.  He figured that J was not going to get me anything, and he was right.  Shortly J and I broke up.

Both of us worked retail and I think that helped ruin Valentines Day.  All of the people who where at the store last minute because they forgot the calendar told them they need to buy something.  


Andrew and I just became a couple naturally. We could not decide when we started dating so we decided to say it was the first day we kissed, February 23.  When our one year came around it seemed pointless to celebrate the 14th and the 23rd... so the 23rd became sort of our Valentines Day.



People would get offended when I said I did not celebrate Valentines Day.  Then I would have to explain it.


This year we sort of celebrated Valentines Day. I got us chocolates to share and the kids some stuffed animals.  It was not until I saw the kids show that I had a different view. 

No, You Are...

My son Avery loves to hit with the comeback, "you are..." or "you need to..."  He knows it gets on his momma's nerves, so I have been trying not to let it.  The other night at dinner I told him to stop messing around and eat his mac&cheese.  His response was "you eat my mac&cheese!" So I reached over with my fork and picked up some of his dinner. "NO!!!! DON"T EAT IT!!!!"

That is my Avery, super strong, super smart, supper sensitive and not to mention supper independent.  Sometime it drives me crazy, but I know with guidance he will do great things in life.  Avery was born October 18, 2007 at 7:58 pm.  He was 21 1/4 inches long and was 8lbs 4.5oz.  It took 2 hours to push out his stubborn little head, I guess I should have know that was a sign :).

Avery has always wanted to do things for himself, this made him an easy baby... not too demanding or needy.  A lot of the time it threw me off guard.  The things I was looking forward to teaching infant Avery he did not want me to show him, he just wanted to observe and try himself.  Forget showing him how to play with a toy... he would play with it how he wanted to.  He also wanted to be perfect at what he was doing, at 8 months old he would stand up in the middle of the living room, not holding on to anything... and that was it.  He would be so proud.  By 9.5 months he decided that he could master walking... and he did.   He gave up the breast... when he wanted to, the bottle... when he wanted to.  There was the large disruption with potty training due to Andrew's accident... but finally Avery did it... when he wanted to.

Avery did not start talking until he was two.  Well before he was 2 he would say a word and then you would not hear it again and there is no way he would repeat it on demand.  After his 2nd birthday he went from saying nothing to saying 3 or more word sentences, name all colors and 17 letters of the alphabet at random.  It was amazing what this little boy was keeping from us.

He has always liked patterns and comparing two or more items.  He loves collecting things and his momma enjoys helping him collect them.  He now loves to play with other people, but even I have a hard time playing with him because everything needs to be the order Avery sees it.

Avery is funny too.  He can make the funniest jokes.

Even though my Avery is tough and very strong willed, he is very sensitive.  He is also a great big brother to Miles even if sometimes he gets a little too rough.  He stands up for Miles even when it is only me taking Miles' cup away because he was spitting milk on the floor.  He cried because Miles was in timeout at childcare.  On his worst days, like when he is not feeling well, and it is hard to express his feelings (he is only 4 anyway), he can go from telling me he loves me to he does not love me anymore, to he loves me again.  I don't get upset about that... he is just a smart little boy who wants me to know how bad he is feeling.  It always ends with 'I love you' anyway.

My Avery James is going to grow up to be someone great.

Finding Miles

Miles Patrick is my second born son.  He was born March 21, 2009 at 7:56 am.  He was 21inches long and was 9lbs 2oz, and he could have been bigger if my labor had not been induced 4 days before his due date.

From the moment of his birth he has been a calm and easy child.  In some references the name Miles means 'mild' so his name is very fitting.  Miles goes with the flow, is genuinely happy, unless like most people he is hungry or tired.

May 11, 2010 my husband, Miles' Daddy, was in a life changing car accident.  Miles was nearing 14-months-old at the time of the accident.  A picture taken on Mother's Day (2 days before the accident) captures Miles' sweet face in a time when everything was going right.  He was so young, so it is hard to know what he knew of the situation, but you can't say he didn't pick up on the tension and worry we all felt.  You can't tell me after awhile he did not notice his daddy had not come home, or he did not overhear us talking about his daddy's condition.

Miles just went with life, being easy for his momma, not complaining for more than his basic needs and the occasional need for his momma to be home when Nana came to watch him.  It is not until recently that I have learned how exactly this has changed his life, he never let me know... maybe he did not know either.

March 5, 2011, my husband Andrew was released from his rehab facility 10 months after the accident.  Our house could not accommodate Andrew's needs, he had just relearned how to walk.  I moved the family closer to the rest of our family an into an accessible apartment.  Miles was uprooted and re-introduced to living with his Daddy at the same time.  Not that he did not visit his daddy in the hospital, but other people were taking care of him and not his momma, he needed his momma to take care of him!

Weeks later Miles turned 2.  We were so happy Andrew got to be there for Miles' party since he had missed our son Avery's birthday in October because of being in the hospital.

Like his big brother Avery, Miles still was not talking much before the age of 2, therefore I was not concerned with Miles not talking either.  I mean I know that all children are different, however in several things my children seem to follow the same pattern of development... like walking by 10-months-old.  One month after Miles turned 2, he was still not talking.  I am aware of free services so I had him evaluated and he qualified for services.  I was told he was in many areas developmentally at 12-months-old... and my first thoughts were to correlate that to the accident.

Miles started receiving speech therapy once a week and occupational (play) therapy twice a month.  At first he was opposed to it, did not like when the therapists came over did not want to do what they wanted him to do.  Approaching 2 1/2 nothing seemed to be working for Miles.  I started looking back at pictures of Miles after May 2010 until the present time and all I could see was a lost little boy.  Somehow he looked neglected, but healthy and almost never looked at the camera, not as how I remembered him... happy Miles. On top of this his therapy team suggested that I think about getting Miles tested for Autism Spectrum.

The beginning of 2012 we were in a new house, one Miles loved from the moment we viewed it.  He seemed 100% happier, he started becoming Andrew's little buddy and many other things seemed to change in Miles... it was like he was back.... interacting with us and playing, like he knew he could ask us to meet more needs than getting him noodles and milk from the fridge. I have taken pictures of a smiling happy Miles looking right at the camera.  He still does not say much, but he is working on it.  He will start a preschool when he turns 3 next month and I feel his development will take off!